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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'll let you chat on Friday Night Feast @CheerBear

Home alone tonight, that's ok though, I'm used to it.

I didn't go food shopping, no energy whatsoever.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm about a million percent totally ok to sit here @Former-Member if you'd like ☺ (I may pop over and pinch something to bring back once dessert comes).

Has D gone out with friends?

My shopping trip today was a disaster. I had no idea what I was doing and came home with vegetable dumplings, oven chips, a jar of pasta sauce and fruit mince pies lol (and I lost my car).

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just wanted to say that's how all my shopping trips end up @CheerBear 😛 Random assortment of various items that in no way can be combined together to make a meal. Although I can predictably usually guess whether I need bananas, bread, muesli bars or milk. And minus the car, since I can't lose one if I don't have one!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You should get a car totally just for the added fun of losing it during already horrible shopping trips @TheVorticon 😛

Our dumplings were good though haha 😄

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope you found your car @CheerBear 😮

Lost mine while shopping in huge centre on Gold Coast this year.
Took ages to find it.
I remembered what level it was on, but not which door.
Looked for ages. 😮😨

Got lost trying to find holiday apartment on other shopping trip there.
Totally freaked out and cried 😢😂
It's so busy on the Gold Coast now.

If I don't take a shopping list, I'm hopeless with food shopping.

D went to the movies with her father.
It's hard having your marriage fail.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It can be pretty unsettling at the time @Former-Member. I found it though (I always do).

I am sorry to hear about your marriage 😞 Has it been like it for a while? I feel sad thinking of people living not so happily together.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's always been hard.
Really bad for a long time.
Argue every day.
He's up one end of the house, I'm up the other.
He won't go and I'm too stressed etc to go anywhere.
I wish I could go, but it's so hard leaving your home.
I can't make him leave, it's his home too
It sucks.
So we live in turmoil.
Not sure how to get out of this huge mess, I'm not well enough to go anywhere.
@CheerBear
It's your bedtime isn't it?
It's ok if you need to sleep.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's bed time soonish but not just yet @Former-Member

😞 That really is awful and if it's been like this for a long time, it would be taking a big toll on you. My ex wouldn't leave either and it felt so completely overwhelming to think about how I could do it. And the thought of leaving your home is just yuck too.

Have you ever spoken with someone about your options as far as trying to resolve some of the conflict, your options for support to leave if that's what you wanted etc?

Really hearing you and understanding how hard it might be 😞

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

😢 it's so overwhelming to think of leaving my home that I decorated to my liking @CheerBear
I know you know what I mean.
I've lived here since late 1990's, long time.
I know I should go, but it's so hard.
No, I don't have anyone to help me.
Feel so stuck and imprisoned.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's probably why I'm even more unwell @CheerBear
I really went downhill approx a couple of years ago, from a medication .
It was bad, heart failure etc . Med nearly ended my life. Haven't been right since.

We can chat another time.
I feel bad because it's so late and you need sleep. You have your 3 LF
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