FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

2,921 - 2,930 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member 🙁💕 Today seems like it's really taken a toll on you. I want a wand so badly tonight.

Thank you @TheVorticon ☺ It's always nice to see you pop past. Hope things are ok enough re the work stuff (and everything)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👍🍵🍰 @CheerBear 👋💟

Sleep would be nice.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, two months is a good amount of time, the final straight to getting there. I find it's on my mind a lot at that stage of rental housing transition and I check realestate website every day. So good you will be calling on all support.

Also, your blanket is sooo beautiful. 😄 ox

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Special delivery for @CheerBear heart: Will just leave them outside the nest for you CB

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just beautiful @Zoe7. Thank you so much 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Can't 'talk' today so special deliveries to special people will be my 'words' @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Those gifts speak beautiful words @Zoe7 thank you

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member 💗🐜🐛🐝💛🍰☕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest.

Yesterday I felt sad (so not the right word) and wished so much I had a magic wand. I was feeling with someone which showed me how much I value what I value. I spent most of the day in quiet sitting with it mode and it was ok. I went for a walk, sat by a creek and listened to music for a while which was nice.

I was picking myself up to get a move on with some things I needed to do before the LF came home from school, when I was hit with a pretty big curveball re the house. It threw me into a state of panic and chaos. It's too tricky to explain properly here but what is likely to have happened is that the landlord has caught on to me wanting to break lease and has decided to act on that by calling for an general inspection that doesn't fit within what is legally permissible, booked for very early next week. I didn't recieve the notice because, despite paying 100% of the rent now and living here, I'm "just a sub-tenant". It went to the missing housing organisation who called me to let me know (and who said it was not ok that it has happened). They were supposed to work it out yesterday afternoon, but they didn't get back to me which has left me not knowing what's going on. I called my CM who agreed that it is not at all ok and who can see it isn't in accordance with the act, but she said she wasn't sure she could advocate for me with this one as she was uncertain whether their organisation could "get involved" (she's a FV housing worker :S ). This is the same organisation who have warned me not to "rock the boat" when I've asked for things within my rights. It appears the relationship they have with other organisations is more important to them than making sure their clients are ok and being treated reasonably (which I figured anyway). As someone who so badly wanted to be involved in this industry and worked so hard to get there, this is part of the soul pain that is in my mess of stuff, as I just can't fathom how this is the way it is.

I melted last night and today having slept on it, have jumped into action bear mode which feels better. Unfortunately because it is the weekend, my hands are tied and there is nothing more I can do except prepare for an inspection that I have no intention of allowing to happen (because anxiety won't let me not prepare for it) and ready myself for a fight. I've made it clear that I will be standing at the door refusing them entry if they try to come in because I am so sick of being told that I have rights but feeling that I have no power to exercise them. So this time I will be doing that. I really don't have much more to lose with housing now and maybe that's a good thing for me.

This stuff all adds to my determination to get out there and do what I can to change it all. I am BUSTING to be in a position where I can do something about it, I just have to go through it first and that sucks right now.

Today, instead of going to our fun Saturday adventure, I will be testing my "dont throw the spanner across the garage" skills as I attempt to set up and work out a new mower (my old one froze and I had it replaced with a new one - yay! - but haven't set it up yet). It's a shiny blue one 🙂

I feel a bit better having vented that out now. Thank you to anyone who read through it. Hoping today is ok enough for all.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear@I've read what you've written and know there is so much more to this than I've caught up with, but, though I know you will prepare for the not happening inspection, I'll be standing at the door with you keeping the Bzzzz out. That feel better for me anyway.

I'm looking forward to the day you are in the position to help because you know what it's like on the other side.

Good luck with the shiny blue mower, personally I'd have a go with the spanner. I have nothing breakable left in my kitchen, flattened against the back fence, I still wonder why I never see any neighbours.!!!!!!!!!

Im headed for the garden. Anyway, sending warm thought. 💓💓💓💓💓💓

2,921 - 2,930 of 5,090