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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey! @CheerBear 👋💜

Crossing yesterday off 😮😣😨😢
Not much sleep because of it, might say more later. Too tired to think. Will try and nap now.

Good news re uni 👍💪

☕🍰

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

There you are @Former-Member 🙂

Yesterday sounds hard 😞 Will be ready to listen if you'd like to share but understand if you don't. Hope the nap helps. I am not far off sneaking in one myself I think.

Bug ones

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👋 💜💕 ☕🍰

🌹🌼🌸🌹🌼🌸🌹🌼🌸🌹🌼🌸

🐞🐝🐲🐉🐛🐌🐜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member 😊😆😘

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

"Boo" 😊👀💪 😘

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

😲

😂

👋💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Am thinking of you @Teej, wanting to give you space but also wanting you to know that I hope things are ok enough for you. Sending you hugs fot if they're not (actually for also if they are too). Missing you 💓

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

How's your week going? @CheerBear

I read somewhere that you had your hair done, nice! Did you have it coloured as well?

I'm trying not to feel discouraged about feeling so exhausted, stressed all the time.

Family triggers are huge for me. I have been trying to figure out a way that I can be there for my mother once a week. Hmm! Is it working out, NO! I feel so terribly guilty if I don't try and be there for her, but after a simple visit or even just a phone call sends me into terrible stress. I saw her this week and did some things for her, it has taken me 3 days to "get over it". I still am trying to get over it. I have come to the conclusion AGAIN, that I am just going to have to limit contact even more. It feels so terrible, as she is nearly 90. I can't listen to the stuff she talks about re family etc. It sounds so petty, but it triggers me so much, as it is a reminder about years of "silence" (re my traumas) and the non existent family support for me. And all the rest..................

It's hard enough trying to "live life" without that sort of crap.

Anyway, rave over.

I booked a massage for me this Friday. It's easy to book when I can do it online.

Not long until school finishes.

Preparations are stil going into the formal. Car sorted, makeup, hair booked in. Didn't realize how much preparation goes into the formal, but it is very exciting. I have bought my shoes, but no dress yet. At least D is sorted with her dress and shoes.

Thankfully I have only recently found a hairdresser that is good at cutting my hair and is afforable.

Just had early lunch and cuppa, I better get the rest of the washing up.

I am getting quite nervous re upcoming events. Having panic attacks about it all.

I hope that you are feeling well. How's the crocheting going? Hmm! So much for me doing any. Life takes over.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you too @Teej

Hi to @Phoenix_Rising as well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sorry to hear you're stuck between wanting to be there for your mum but also having it be a really hard thing for you to do for yourself @Former-Member. That's hard 🙁. Does she live close by?

It's different but has similarities I think, but I was really close with a grandparent once. All they seemed to do was talk about other family 'stuff' though and I couldn't cope. It wasn't at all good for me so I spoke with them about it asked them to either stop talking about it, or I wouldn't be able to talk to them anymore. They chose the latter which really hurt me. It's tough either way I think, as I'm guessing you're recognising as well.

It's totally not petty either. She's your mum and you are also going through stuff and trying to look out for you too. Big time tough 🙁

So exciting with the formal coming up! It sounds like wedding plans lol, but I remember it being like that for me too. You've got lots on and the stress would be building - always a tricky time for panic. Massage is a great thing to do to get by! I love that you're doing that for you 😊 Are you able to say what D is wearing (or is that pushing it lol)? I wish I could see photos!

My week has been very quiet but really good for it thanks. My blanket is coming along. I have it out to work on later today. It's so big and bulky now that it's an effort just to sit down with it! And yes my hair is back - so happy. No colour (yet) - I'll do that myself if I want later. Maybe purple or neon blue this time. Or both 😆. Or none and it will still be cool 😉😜

Great to hear from you Bella. I have to get up and do some washing now too. Have a good afternoon 🍰☕💓
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