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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Former-Member,

I'm just checking in to see how you are going this morning. I am a little concerned that perhaps I caused you some distress last night in my over-excitement at discovering CheerBear experiences the 22nd of December in the same way that I do. My brain exploded with excitement a bit (my positive big feelings are as big and at times unhelpful as my negative big feelings). I am super sorry if my over-excited chatter about that tricky time of the year was distressing for you in any way. I hope today is a super nice day in your world.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I too am thinking of you @Former-Member and hoping you're ok this morning 💓

Leaving these here for you as I head off for the shower so I can get myself out and about this morning

🍰☕🤗

@Faith-and-Hope - I can't see the picture yet but I kind of like that. I get a nice feeling seeing a post and then a nice feeling seeing it later with a picture. Thank you.

"We" did it @Phoenix_Rising ☺ You've been here with us for more than half of this year now too. We are awesome 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @CheerBear - thinking of you today. I hope that after today things get easier in a way. Firsts after everything has happened are so hard. Today you are safe.
Take care ❤ ❤

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💜 @CheerBear @Former-Member @Teej @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising @Former-Member @Mazarita ..... anyone else around .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

No, you didn't cause me any distress at all @Phoenix_Rising
Will reply more another time. I'm not well at all, but wanted to let you know that you didn't cause any distress. 💚

Will chat another time @CheerBear 💜

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💐💕 @Former-Member .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

The picture is up now - so lovely thanks @Faith-and-Hope. I love pretty paper craft 😊

Thanks @Former-Member - things feel less like they're happening all over again today than they did yesterday, so that's a good start ☺ I hope you're ok today too.

@Former-Member I went sloth seeking this morning and you were right. They are seriously cute 😊 This little one (no name yet and am open to suggestions) has now joined the things that make me feel good collection.

He/she feels just like a short fur version of my pink blanket 💗

Hope you're ok Bella.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Made me cry @CheerBear that you bought the sloth 😀💟👍
I can't see the photo yet.
Now I really have to get one. I bought one for D the other day, for a birthday present.
We both saw it in kmart and LOVED it.
So cute and cuddly and put a huge smile on our face. Funny how a toy sloth can do that.

I was happy to read that you worked through the yucky emotional stuff. Draining and hard, I know. I wish I'd known years ago not to ignore feelings eg anger etc. .
Finally learnt to acknowledge them, feel them and let them pass. Would have saved me YEARS Iof suffering if I'd known to accept all feelings and not try and prerend they're not there . Have always believed that anger etc was bad, so shouldn't feel it. But how the heck can one pretend. No wonder I've been so depressed, forever.
Anyway, as long as we're learning right? 😊

l had to figure out most things myself, so it's been a slow, long, too long journey. 😮

I struggle to write on the forums at times. Everyone seems to write long, meaningful messages and I struggle with it. I want to, but feel so unwell every day and have for so many years.
Not one day do I wake up feeling well. I always wake up super tired and either feel sick or in pain etc etc..
It's so hard. Often I wish I wasn't alive and have to push past those awful feelings every day. It's been like this since I was a teenager and some days it's unbearable.
I feel like my life has just been suffering.

I used to go on other threads and try and encourage people, but often I didn't even get a response from them, so I'm scared to go on other threads, as I'm not strong enough to cope with the hurt and rejection. I often want to say something encouraging to others. It takes time and energy to do so and when there's no response it's hurtful.

Thankyou for caring and for always being there and others here too.
Thankyou. ❤
I won't tag anyone, because I don't want to leave anyone out, but you know who I mean. 💜😙

@Phoenix_Rising
I was happy to read that you have learnt to enjoy Christmas without family. That's great. I'm still learning . I want to do fun things, but I often feel too unwell.
One year we spent it with D's friend's family, that was really nice.
I'm hoping I'll feel well enough this year to do something different and nice.
Thankyou for caring @Phoenix_ Rising 💚🐻

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Aww! I'm smiling @CheerBear 😀
I saw the pic of sloth.
She's so cute. 💜
Will try and think of and suggest a name

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Now I'm teary @Former-Member - in a nice way 😘

It would be so hard to have been working through this for as long as you have. I honestly think you doing so is such a great example of perseverance and determination. It probably doesn't feel like that, but I think it is. And you're right, you are learning as you go. I've had the song from Zooptopia in my head since the 50 shades of grey vs Zooptopia night and I'm so tempted to quote it here but I won't because I realise it may not be your cup of tea lol. It pretty much says how much not giving up and keeping on trying, even though there might not be hugely obvious successes along the way, is a big achievement in itself. I believe that and hope you can feel it sometimes too.

As for being here, you feel like a hug every time I see you. You don't need to write essays for that to happen. Be you in whatever way you are at the time, because I think you're great and I know there are so many others here who do too 💗 You make me smile and laugh Bella, and you get it without needing to know and I appreciate that a lot.

It would be very cool for you to have a sloth too. I think there's definitely a place in the world for stuffed sloths.

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