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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou. Tears here too @CheerBear
Haha! Zootopia versus 50 shades of grey 😂😂😂😂
Have you seen 50 shades of grey? 😂
A scene came on and tv went off , lol
Not appropriate for D 😂 or me, lol.

I'd be interested to hear your song, I think 😀😂
I'm still in pj's. Trying to have a peaceful day before school pick up.

I love sloth. 😀💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hahaha there's definitely a difference between those movies @Former-Member!

I have not really seen 50 Shades. I watched enough to confirm what I was thinking it was, which is that I think it constitutes abuse and I feel like it tries to make violence against women sexy. That to me is the repulsive part (not the actual sex scene stuff lol).

That turned quickly sorry :S

On a lighter note, here's one of the most painfully irritating but kind of lovely, uplifting song from a kids movie of recent times (I think)

https://youtu.be/c6rP-YP4c5I

Yep, I'll definitely be sticking with team Zooptopia and the sloths. Which are here:

https://youtu.be/eIkgSJcRlF4

(Warning this is almost painful to watch haha 😂)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh, I'm glad D turned the channel before the awful scenes on 50 shades of grey. 😮

I really like the song link you put here, @CheerBear and the Zootopia scene is funny. Thankyou for sharing. 😀

It's been years since I watched a kid's movie and I'm not really "into" them, but Zootopia does look funny. 😊

You, know I've been so hurt by friends and family that I told myself that I don't need friends, but I do. Thanks for chatting .🌺🌼🌺

I recently came in contact with a cousin from overseas, on facebook. It's amazing how easy we can chat and have become very close, just in the last couple of months.

I had deleted heaps of family and friends off facebook a few months ago. I only mostly have people and relatives from overseas on there. It was too hurtful to have friends and family on facebook, that live here. It was a constant reminder of how they've hurt me.

I had never put anything about complex ptsd on my facebook timeline and silly me did, months ago. As I was feeling so lonely and needed help.
Not many people responded. The only person that really showed that they cared was this cousin from overseas that I've never met.

I was really shocked at the lack of love and care from friends I'd known for many many years . Some said, love you or something like that, but honestly, saying that and not showing it is different .
Nobody except this cousin actually sent me a private message and asked if I was ok. Weeks later I deleted approx 100 people off facebook, no regrets. Alot of them I've know well for years and have always shown them that I care for them. Well, not 100 of them, lol, but the close friends.
If someone put something up on facebook about them not being well, I'd always ask if they're ok.
What's wrong with people? I don't understand.
I'm really raving on here sorry. 😮😀
I'm over it now. Not sure why I mentioned it actually😀
It's still hard when I see them in the shops or somewhere up town. I try to avoid them, but sometimes it's not possible. Awkward.
Can't wait to feel better so I can join a group of some sort.
Thanks for listening/reading. 💜


In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I was just having this really cool conversation with my counsellor that kind of fits in here @Former-Member. We spoke about what has helped shift things this year and I spoke about the forum being one (a big one).

The relationships and connections with people I have here feel like they are based on trust, mutual respect, care, and value of/for the people we choose to spend time with (because all of us here are here out of a choice to be here). Some significant relationships I have had over the years have been not based on the things that the relationships I have here are, which sounds similar to what you are talking about with your family and friends on facebook. I think these kinds of relationships can leave you questioning your worth as person, and that can't be a good thing.
Similar to you, I decided that I really didn't need friends anymore as well. I think that came from the pain of losing the people we did. But maybe it isn't really all that true for me (and I am thinking for many - not all but many), as I definitely do feel better for being around people here. I've gained a sense of worth that had taken a huge hit in the storm and the post-big bang stuff, and a sense of how valuable healthy realtionships are, in whatever way they are (whether they are with people in an anonymous online forum, with relatives from the other side of the country, with casual whatevers, with the people we see in person... etc).
I think the short version of what I am trying to get at, is that I am sorry that you too have been hurt in relationships too. I think it's really helpful to have been able to identify what does hurt you (like you have done) so you know what is good for you and what feels right, and you can move towards having more of those relationships in your life in whatever form they come. When you are ready to join in an offline group, you will be hopefully be able to find those people who add to your sense of worth, not take from it.
I am heading out to get something to eat so I can be back to read along with Topic Tuesday now. I haven't really eaten much for a while so I might hunt down something nice. I spent my exact time of the big bang doing something I didn't expect I would do at all and that is watch clips of funny kids movies on YouTube. I expected I would sit and watch the clock tick over to the minute it happened, shaking and feeling sick. Instead I looked down at the time and it had long passed lol. It was a non-event, and that couldn't be more different to how it was then. It's kind of funny and made me feel good 🙂
Thank you too for reading and sharing Bella

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's good to hear @CheerBear re getting through the day ok.
I hope you found something yummy for dinner. I made a quick fried rice. 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Drive though Hungry Jack's @Former-Member 😛 I was in my PJs and didn't want to get dressed (not that I really care and I had to get petrol anyway) and it's the only drive through that has something I will eat. It was pretty yum for what it was thanks!

Hope the fried rice was good too. That's pretty delicious!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nice and easy dinner for you. Good. 😀

Nighty night @CheerBear and all 😴💗💟

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon in the nest 🙂

@Former-Member how's today going? And @Teej I was thinking of you this morning as I walked in. I hope you're going ok 💗

I did it 😊 I'm so happy with the way it looks and what it means in so many ways. I made the booking for somewhere that has been too hard for me to go back to before today (very close to the place we stayed when we had no-where to stay). Before my appointment I drove past the place we stayed at, and around the neighbourhood where the LF and I spent lots of time exploring and walking. I stopped and thought about what it felt like then and now. It was really cool.

I wish I could show you all what it looks like but I can't. I think this is ok to share though (because it looks/reads nothing like these at all). While they don't look anything like this, this is the general meaning for me behind them and how I am choosing to "walk" through life now. Yay 😊

It's been a great end and beginning day/date here.

I hope today has had some good in it for anyone reading ☺

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon to you toi @CheerBear 😊👋💜

Just got home from school pick up, library and bought Subway, early dinner.

That's great news that you've booked somewhere for a holiday . 😀
Are you going on these holidays?
Good that you've got something to look forward to.

My day has been "blaah!" But oh well. 😮😕😊

I did book something as well, not as exciting as a trip, but something I've wanted to do for years and haven't felt up to it. I booked in for a massage for this Friday.
I find it difficult to make appointments, plus, can be expensive.
I found a beauty salon that does an hour's massage for $50, which is good.
I've only seen them for $80 and up.
She works from home, so that's probably why it's cheap.
Good to hear you're doing better. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Was thinking of @Teej too 👋💜💕

🌸🌼🌹🌸🌼🌹🌸🌼🌹
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