FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

2,671 - 2,680 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Big hugs to you @Maggie 😙💟
How's your day going?
💜💟🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Afternoon @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Maggie, @Mazarita, @Former-Member (The last 5 names that came up because I'm feeling lazy) and everyone else.

@Former-Member I'm with you. After nights of not sleeping I took meds that make me sleep for 16hrs and are hard to wake up from. And I did sleep 16 hrs but am currently feeling glad I took them and hope it helps to steady my mood and achieve something. I was also inspired by your chocolate and coffee and just scrounged the last two pieces of chocolate for breakfast, not that I needed much encouragement.......my arm wasn't really twisted to do that 😂

@CheerBear I totally relate to the dates/days thing. For me too is still stays as on the Thursday the big part of my Big Bang started, on Tuesday the Big Bang happened and on Wednesday the last part happened. Your post made me feel not quite so mad/crazy with that part. Ultimately you are right though in regards to understanding something that can't be understood. I don't necessarily subscribe to trusting in the journey but more accept that this is what happened. I think I've been lucky that I never got hooked into that part but my personality has always just tended to accept the bad stuff without questioning it. I get hooked into lots of other things though :face_with_rolling_eyes:. I am still thinking of you and as crazy max this seems watching you go through this is bringing me back to that time but in a good way. It reminds me that things do change over time and anniversaries will always be there but they change as the years go by too. I hope you can take this part with you. I know for now you will have to go through the hard yards with it all unfortunately 😢 but keep the faith that it will change over time. Sitting with you through every moment of the hard yards though. 💜🤗💐

@Maggie, @Mazarita, @Former-Member and everyone else visiting the nest I hope you day has moments of peace and a moment to smile at something as the bare minimum. 💜🤗💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh and @Former-Member i really love your avatar pic, it matches you. Ever time I see it it makes me smile 💜😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sorry my post to you doesn't make much sense @CheerBear. I hope you get the idea though.

*note to self - perhaps wake up before posting 😳:face_with_rolling_eyes:

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's so tough with the sleep @Former-Member. I can imagine how hard it might make today. Such a yucky feeling, but so is no sleep as well.

My mouth watered hearing chocolate flake! Yummo. I hope that getting out is ok for you today 😘

Thank you @Maggie for understanding too. If you ever want to share how you're going here, please do. I hope you're coffee tastes good today 💗

And thank you too @Teej, for your understanding. Your post made heaps of sense. I am so glad the day/date thing isn't just a me being a mash head thing. I really felt like I was going crackers this morning. I drafted a couple of posts to ask whether anyone else felt it too, but it made so little sense I couldn't even find the right words. I had words that are similar to yours. It's stuck in my head as days of the week but it is written on important paper that I can't unsee, with dates. It's good to know I am not as bananas as I felt.

I find it really interesting to hear that you accept things and until I read what you followed that with, I would have thought that was a great thing for you. I can see the flip side to it now as well though. I don't accept things at all (like ever lol) and am in the writing something for the DBT adventure about this point today. I guess 'trust' is about as close to acceptance as I can get at the moment and that will do for now.

I can feel you with me too this week. Thanks Teej. I hope the sleep helps and the chocolate tasted great 😊

Well I have done absolutely nothing except enjoy some sunshine and feed the LF, which I guess is maybe something. I reeeeeeeally need to get up and clean up the scary mess that is our once not long ago was not messy house. School holidays and clean house are not a thing in our world here, but we have other LF here for part of tomorrow and it will be absolutely horrendous if I don't do it today.

Hope the afternoon is good for you all. Feel free to give me a gentle "CheerBear get yourself off the forum and into the washing" nudge if you see me again this side of the evening! :face_with_rolling_eyes:😉

Logging out putting myself on a forum ban for the afternoon now.

💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks for messages @CheerBear @Teej

Wish I didn't go out today, but, oh well.
It's hard to know when to push.
I should've rested.
Shopping and walk at beach.
Both too tired and cranky.
Early night and new day tomorrow.

Big hugs and hope your day was ok Cheerbear Teej
💟💜💗💟💜💗💟💜💗💟💜💗💟💜💗

Nighty night to you both and everyone. 💟

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope you sleep better tonight @Former-Member (I know hope and sleep aren't the best fit together for you, but I will keep hoping). Yep, new day ahead tomorrow.

Nighty night 😘💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Still unwinding here @CheerBear
Are you ok?
No need to answer if you're too tired, I might not be on much longer.
Just wondering if you got through the day ok and if LF are better.
💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning in the nest.

Bella - I was ok last night, thanks for checking in. It was a pretty good day in the end yesterday and as expected Big felt better throughout the afternoon. Aside from a lingering sniffle/little cough I hope and think they'll all be up this morning ready to get out and about properly again. Yay 😊 How did you sleep last night? I hope today is ok for you 💗

I'm feeling a lot brighter than I was yesterday morning. It's been a really strange few days in that I have 'moments' where I feel it in a pretty intense way (mostly big big sad heart pain), but they pass and things are just as ok as they were before the moment again. Maybe that's not strange at all really, but it's like I melt a bit and then it just stops and something kicks in that says it's time to get up and be ok again.

Again I wish I could write a little more than I can here but can't really. What I can say is that last night back then, the LF and I had a special for us dinner. It was a celebration dinner but for no real reason and it was heaps of fun. It took an enormous turn later but I remember that part of the night fondly. So last night this time, without anyone else knowing why, I did a similar dinner 'do'. They had a case of the sillies and as I watched our little family at dinner, I remembered my 'reason' for it all was right there at the table laughing, joking, being cheeky - and so much more than ok. Nothing turned last night in the 'real' last night and everything is still ok this morning.

There's a soppy post this morning 😜

Hope today has something good in it for all

💓

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I had to come and dump this here because it is just too funny to keep to myself (and the other thread didn't feel like the appropriate place to dump it). I am ROFL A LOT!!!!! I just saw you post on another thread that a friend has asked you to call her out of the blue. I have the funniest image ever in my brain of you wandering towards a giant tin of blue paint while calling out to your friend who is floundering in the tin totally covered in paint. It is SUPER making me laugh!

2,671 - 2,680 of 5,090