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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear @Teej @Former-Member @Phoenix_Rising @Shaz51 ...a quick visit!...

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I'm sorry you didn't get the house and you are struggling atm wish I could do something for you to make it better

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Teej - thank you so much. Your words often have felt like oxygen tanks in a whirlpool of drowning. Tonight is no different. I so much appreciate you Teej. I wrote a very therapeutic get it all out post that I don't think I can post about the upcoming calendar date that I am fairly sure is contributing to how intensely I am feeling things at the moment. I can imagine for years it will be a hard time, so I am sending you love for this one for you.

Hi @Shaz51. Looking forward to sharing the real pretties if/when they start to open

Hi @Zoe7 and thanks for visiting

Thanks @Pepsimax, heaps. I'm sorry I haven't been around for you for the last couple of days. I know there are lots other people who care about you here too and have been thinking of you as well. Hope your night is a good one 💛

@Former-Member - my heart is hurting and it keeps thinking yours might be too. Hope the coffee has tasted good today and your snuggle gown is comforting.

I'm going to see if there's a handbag I can hang out in so I can travel along at Friday Feast. I don't want to do anything so I will do something I think, and this sounds like a good thing to do when I don't want to do anything.

Thanks lovely people 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear If you need/want me to visit anytime just shout out CB - always willing to walk the rainbow path for you

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning, @CheerBear and fellow nesters, it's your late night nester here. I have read here that others are going through hard times. I send love and sincere wishes things improve for everyone much quicker than anticipated.

I have been up since about 2.30am after getting a solid chunk of sleep from 9.30pm. Yesterday was a complete wipeout, a survival day, after a big night out by my standards. I don't usually go out at night except to visit a long-time friend around the corner from here. It took its toll on my nerves being at a public social event, though the event itself was lowkey and friendly. In any case I've been up and down lately, wiped out for days, then a few days of up and doing positive things, then down again and barely able to get through a day I'm so exhausted. I am trying to enjoy whatever there is to enjoy anyway, which is what my psychiatrist suggested last time we met. I've also been practising self forgiveness, with an exercise introduced to me by my psychologist last week. It feels good to do, though it does involve talking out loud to myself.

Hope there are some good moments for everyone today.

p.s. @CheerBear, just saw your hello in the other thread, you must have posted while I was typing this post. Hi!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Mazarita 🙂 It's so nice to bump into you in change over between late night and early morning.

I've just had a bit of a read over your adventures from the last couple of days. It's really good to hear that you've been feeling up to getting out and about, but I can imagine how tiring the up and down can be the moment. I read that you met someone in person who you've known for a while not in person. I love that we live in an age where this is a thing, and have met a few people in person who I only knew online over the years. It's kind of scary but exciting to go on those adventures.

I love talking to myself exercises. I can keep myself company for ages 😛

Have you got any plans for the weekend?

💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, yes, I've met a number of internet friends over the years, mostly people I've met through creative collaboration online. It's always been a good experience, even if nerve wracking for me at first and maybe also for them, though we've all done our best to conceal that, lol.

Talking to ourselves. Sometimes we communicative types just need someone to chat to!

I hope to start some cleaning today for the flat inspection next Friday. Maybe get out on the beach. We might have a spontaneous friend visit later in the day too. That's it for things to do today. How about you, CB?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I can't conceal my nerves well @Mazarita and tend to spill out a whole bunch of quick talk, saying plenty of silly stuff when I feel nervous. When it's happened it has made me laugh though, which then makes me feel better and more relaxed though. Good stuff 🙂

Is it a maintenance inspection on the flat? Ugh, they suck. I hope you enjoy your walk along the beach later.

We've got our usual busy adventuring day with the LF today. Also have to get out to pick up some things two LF need for a huge adventure they're off to. Littlest fish won't be at all pleased with this idea so I'm expecting it to be not as fun for us as it will be for big and middle, but it's all part of the whole taking it for the team thing. Tomorrow has the potential to be pretty tough so I want to organise what to do tomorrow today too, so we're not stuck with that one in the morning.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, I was trying to be cool and relaxed the other night but my 'cover' kept cracking, words sometimes getting stuck on my lips, alternating with similar blurts to the ones you describe. Then I'd be avoiding eye contact and trying to compose myself. Lol. So I don't think I covered it all that well on that particular occasion.

It's a routine inspection of the flat, which does involve mentioning any maintenance issues (don't think there are any of any note), but mainly is for her to check it all out and take photos (yes, photos!) to send to the owner. It's an overseas investment property for someone, our home. I hate these things too, though I do enjoy the feeling of how clean the place is afterwards.

I hope I make it to the beach afterwards. I'm likely to enjoy it if I do.

Poor little fish, I know you will be giving extra love. Sounds good that you have things planned out for minimum difficulty tomorrow.

I may try to head back to bed now for an hour or two. Good to catch up with you this morning. Love and hugs to your door.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Your description of trying to be cool made me laugh @Mazarita.

That part of renting really does suck, and the photos thing would make me feel really yuck. It is so nice to enjoy the super clean and tidy feeling for a while after inspections though.

Sleep well and sending you buckets of love in return 😊
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