FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

2,151 - 2,160 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I ordered the book just before the giant storm hit the ocean today. Do you think our books will travel on the same aeroplane? If our socks have spent time together and our books have spent time together, then yes, I think that's definitely pretty much the same as us spending time together in person.

Oh and yes, make sure auto-correct knows they are DUCK socks. Definitely definitely duck socks.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member, I can hear how super hopeless you are feeling right now. I super hope there is a bright spot in your day today.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I really hope they do spend time together on the same plane @Phoenix_Rising. That would be kind of cool. A whole overseas adventure together but not without us even needing to leave the safety of our lounge rooms!

I noticed the storm happening. I was on my way over to the wave to drop by and say that on a Google adventure about able-bodiedness, I got side-tracked and found myself reading an article on neurotypical privilege written by members of an autism community. It was confronting and difficult but important.

I then wanted to ask, because I seem to be lost somewhere before plane travel was a thing and got stuck on 'shipping' literally meaning traveling by ship, whether you could keep your eye out in the ocean for a couple of books that might sail past. But thought maybe that wasn't appropriate and then also just realised that they were probably flying over (hence the only 5-8 days rather than weeks until they're here). So I'll just let that all go quietly and pretend I didn't say anything 😛

Hope that weather improves soon.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Awwww @CheerBear I am riding a super gigantic wave and I just got a mouth full of sea water because you made me laugh so much.

I will keep an eye out for our books floating past but as you said, 5-8 days to sail from the UK to Australia would be an amazing feat!!! Gee, imagine how much easier life would have been for Captain Cook if he could have nipped over here in a week.

I am curious about the article you read re. neurotypical privilege. Getting the ASD diagnosis was definitely super helpful for me. I know some people question the point of seeking a diagnosis as an adult, but for me it was hugely validating. Although getting the diagnosis doesn't "fix" anything, it has definitely helped me to make more sense of the world and of my muddle, and it has also helped those few who have taken the time to actually think about what it means (like K), to better understand me.

I super like the fact that you seem to think I'm ok just as I am @CheerBear.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You make me laugh too @Phoenix_Rising.

Here's the article in case you feel like reading it http://aspergersquare8.blogspot.com.au/2009/08/checklist-of-neurotypical-privilege-new.html?m=1 . (Hope it's ok to link this one here). After reading it I felt even more like I understood some of the challenges you being you face. I want the world to change, not you to change for the world (or me, or any of us).

Seeing as my head seems to live in the clouds a lot, I think I have a better chance of spotting our books on the plane. I'll keep watch too.

I'm guessing you've been a little less productive than you'd hoped today. Me too. Glad there's another chance tomorrow 🙂

Good luck out there in the ocean. I am glad you have lots of helpful company there. I better get ready to collect my fish from their ocean, but I'll be in yours too, even when I am not.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just got confirmation that we didn't get the house 😞 I had prepared myself for the disappointment, but it still big time hurts. Big ugh.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm sorry to hear that you didnt get the house @CheerBear, I was really hoping that you would. I have everything crossed that something else comes up for you very soon

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I'm sorry to hear that you didnt get the house my friend

Hello @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising, @Faith-and-Hope, @Former-Member

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I keep getting up and keeping trying, but why? Resilience seems useless when the resources aren't around to reach hold of anyway. What's the point in trying? I know this will pass but it does hurt right now. I'm frustrated at myself that I am letting it hurt because it's not like I expected we would get the house anyway.

It is tiring, and really hard when knock downs happen while I am wearing a 'fish need me to be standing not knocked down' hat. It's tricky to put hits of feelings on hold. It feels like swallowing a giant lump in my throat and trying really, really hard to keep it in.

I'm angry that this is the way things have worked out. I feel sad that I can't give us a more stable place to live. I just want to be able to start moving on for good, and don't feel like I can until I have this one sorted.

That maybe got a little bit of the lump out hopefully.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope something better comes along @CheerBear .... and soon .....

💜💐💕
2,151 - 2,160 of 5,090