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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👋 💜💟💗
@CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising @Mazarita

Yes, all day exams Phoenix_Rising 😮

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Phoenix_Rising - my DBT adventure should begin in approximately 5-8 business days 😆! I justified the cost (shudder) by telling myself it was a half of one psychotherapy session and another thing to add to the ever growing collection of resources that I hope I will get some use out of myself and then be able to transfer some of the skills and strategies to the one day helping person role I want to play. Clocking up some lived experience now! I'm a bit excited. I might have to pick up some pretty post-it notes (I love them) and a note book to work through it all. It's an epic book!

@Former-Member 👋 in return 💗🤗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I should not be here...and yet I am!

So have we established that the book I posted the link to is the right one @CheerBear? I think I will get the manual now, and then decide later whether I want to purchase the book with the handouts in it, or whether I'll just print them from the website. This is superly duperly exciting.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yep! I got it from the link you posted @Phoenix_Rising. I spent some time looking for the best buy yesterday and that was the one I found too. I was almost about to purchase the e-book version as it is in DRM-free PDF format, but I liked the idea of a physical copy to add to my bookshelf so I went with that and have downloaded the supplementary materials. I'll work out whether I print them as needed or print all in one (officeworks maybe) or not print and journal them myself instead. Yay!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Ok I am pressing the button to order now. Oooooh we will be getting books that have been hanging out together in the book factory and now they are going to have a race across the world!!!!

I seriously need to jump off the forum for a while now and try to do something productive like...you know...raise some baby goats or something!!!!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yay just like our duck (autocorrect nearly got me there!) socks have spent time together in the sock factory, so too would have our books! It's pretty much the same thing as us spending time together in person 😄

Enjoy your productive day with your goats. I'm off to do a similarly productive thing by making blankets. One can never have too many blankets!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, I hear you about the art therapy and big emotions. The group I go to is not really official 'art therapy', just a casual group run by an artist/volunteer at the local community mental health centre. It's more an enjoyable and mindful passtime than a therapy as such.

On the other hand, my psychologist yesterday suggested we do some actual art therapy together in forthcoming sessions, which will be delving deeply into emotional zones. We are in fact pretty much completely delving into emotional zones in our work together, which is using Emotion Focussed Therapy. This is so far working well for me, releasing energy that seems to have been blocked by stuffed down emotions. I can see how it could unleash chaos though if emotions are already very to the surface. By contrast, I tend to intellectualise everything a lot as a way of not having to feel.

Of the two sessions of the basic art group that I've been to so far, I would suggest the activity in the first would be the most fun for you to do at home if you wanted to try it. It's a simple thing needing paper, paint brush, acrylic paints or pastels, and some music you like hearing. Play the music for a set period of time (we take about half an hour on each activity) and just go with the flow of the paints or pastels on the page, in response to the music. Doesn't matter if it's a murky mess (mine was pretty brown, lol). It's the process that matters.

On a slightly unrelated note, I think your yoga thread must be one of the all time highlights of the forum. You rock for starting it!

Hi @Former-Member, sending really good wishes for your daughter getting through a big day smoothly. And I hope today has some bright moments for you.

Hi again @CheerBear and all nesters, happy vibes your way.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou @Mazarita Re exams.

I have lost all hope, to be honest.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💜💐💕 @Former-Member .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hope you're getting good lost in art and creativity at the moment @Mazarita 😊

Hi to @Faith-and-Hope. You were on my mind lots yesterday. I wanted to say that but didn't know where/how 💛

@Former-Member - sending you enormous giant big hugs and love. I can hear how tired and over it you're sounding. I hope you're able to find some comfort in something snuggly (or yum) today x
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