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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Only two hours sleep here so far, @CheerBear. Will be going back for more before art group today. What do you have planned for today?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's a long night @Mazarita :S

I haven't got much on today which is totally fine with me 🙂 I'll probably do some yarny stuff, because that's pretty much all I do when I don't have anything I 'have' to do. I also have a counselling appointment today which is online so I don't have to leave the house (big bonus).

Art group sounds so good 🙂 Is it a particular style/type of art that you do there?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Really glad to hear you have a day off where you can chillax with yarn, @CheerBear. Days like that are for replenishing. Hope the quieter time treats you really well today.

So far I've been to two of the art groups. The first one we did abstract painting with music, just going with the flow of what came out from the paint brush in response to the sound. The one following, we did line doodles. Both times it was calming, centring and friendly in a lowkey way. Looking forward to what the instructor has up her sleeve for us today.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That sounds like it has the potential to be really therapeutic @Mazarita. It kind of sounds like what we had on offer at the break place. I was so nervous going along and joining in, feeling very self-conscious, but both times I kind of got lost in what I was doing which was such a nice escape 🙂

I might ask my MH worker if she can help me hunt sround for something like it to join too. Surely there's something around here.

Heading off to beat big to the shower now.

Enjoy your day Maz and hope you sneak in some sleep catch up too!

💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Cool idea with finding something similar close to you, @CheerBear. Ciao for now, catch you later.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning nesters,

@Former-Member I'm glad D feels she went ok in the exam. Did I read that it was an all-day exam? That definitely doesn't sound fun!

Good morning @Mazarita. Your art therapy group sounds cool. I have seen one advertised in the local paper here and I have half thought about going. I'm scared though because I have such a remarkable talent for going into crisis when dealing with my big feelings. I have had one experience with art therapy a few years ago. It was kind-of sprung on me in the last session of a "managing emotions" group that I went to. It did not go well. When I told someone about it later, she said that art therapy is awesome for people who are trying to get in touch with their emotions, whereas my issue is that I am way TOO in touch with my emotions. I would kind-of like to try again, but I think I would need to do it in a space where I knew no one was going to flip out if I go into crisis. I really like hearing about other people's experiences with it though. Maybe I will be inspired to have a go in the privacy of my own home.

@CheerBear This is the book I have in mind: https://www.bookdepository.com/DBT-Skills-Training-Manual-Marsh-M-Linehan/9781462516995?ref=grid-view&qid=1504039469077&sr=1-1 I see that you can access the handouts online, or buy them in a seperate book: https://www.bookdepository.com/DBT-Skills-Training-Handouts-and-Worksheets-Marsh-M-Linehan/9781572307810?ref=pd_detail_1_sims_b_p2p_1

It has definitely been expanded upon since the first edition (which was pre-internet days!!!!). Again I am struck by the absurdity that people pay thousands of dollars to get this stuff delivered in group sessions when you can buy it all for around a hundred dollars (less than the cost of a single therapy session!!!).

Let me know if you want to go ahead, although I think I'll be ordering a copy regardless because it really has been on my wishlist for ages. I'm super excited about the idea of doing DBT with you @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've liked it @Phoenix_Rising.

So very glad you asked and mentioned it. I was feeling it all day and feeling very stuck unable to work through it, knowing it probably wasn't appropriate to talk out. I can imagine the wobbles you may have felt. I found it so tricky to hold on to those beliefs but have them almost conflicting with other big beliefs/values I hold, and trying to work out which was more important. I came to a similar conclusion 🙂

Long story short, wonky almost all day but gut feeling stayed and big beliefs probably became bigger, even if they are hard to sit with.

I'm so glad you're you and so much respect your views, beliefs and values.

(That was a quick version of a very very long version of things that I wanted/did work through)

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hear you re. the wobbliness @CheerBear and I love that I can feel how much you also hear me.

Now...onto the next adventure that I just posted about - the impending DBT adventure. I am super excited about the idea of us working at fixing our brains together but not. Yoga, DBT, your psychologist, my turtle whisperer, Dr Havetodo, oh we are so on track with our brain fixing @CheerBear!!!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yep, moving right along to the next adventure, knowing that a new page is fast approaching (now?) and my reply that seems completely random will be old news as it flicks over 😛 @Phoenix_Rising

I'll check out the links today and hopefully put an order in. I am so looking forward to this adventure too. I love having a not-friend to go on adventures and missions like this with 🙂

Fish o'clock now. Catch you later!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I am glad it is fish o'clock. Maybe I will make myself a rule that fish o'clock is also turtle-get-off-the-forums-for-the-morning o'clock.

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