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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear. I have had a change in the shark tank. S2 and S2g moved out and s1g moved in. It's all going well for now though. S4 and I are at loggerheads a fair bit just now as he knows everything and I know nothing. Teaching him to drive and spending a few hours each week (me asking him to slow down and him telling me he is in control jus for starters) is taking its toll on our relationship but it will all be better soon enough. I know it's a phase and it will pass. S1 has always been a very effective teacher for me. He always was extreme with phases and I've watched him get through worse which always gives me hope.

It sounds like LF are doing great and just being LF which is pretty awesome, although I realise LF at any time can be tiring and constant. Best of luck with the next hurdles coming your way. 💜🤗💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nutella gull .... guilty ... 🤚😬

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's awesome news @Phoenix_Rising. 😊😃😁😀😄 coming your way.

@Faith-and-Hope Yes we could descend into that level of craziness.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising 😊 Though also probably goodnight because I think you'll be past forum time when I hit post.

This worker is my 'community mental health worker'. I thought the program was a phams one but am not sure it is now, though it effectively works the same if it isn't. It was a bit of a muck around to get in to the program so I missed catching what exactly it is lol. She's the same worker who called triage, so it's been great to have such a mess turn around and strengthen our relationship. Most of the time we catch up weekly, though sometimes it can be a couple of weeks between. It's very much my choice with that one.

Like with everything, I think it would totally depend on the person you get as a worker. I find heaps of benefit in having support with tricky stuff like c-link where my brain just gives up. To get to that point where it is helpful I have to have a bit of trust and a heap of feeling like they know me well though, which is where the meeting often helps me I think. I can so understand your reluctance, and was worried myself, but it has been a mostly good thing.

Hope you sleep well tonight @Phoenix_Rising 🙂

@Teej - I love that you have a shark tank. I have an underwater circus 😛 The driving thing would seriously test me. You would have clocked up some hours having being tested over the years. Can any of the big S's also help with S4's driving stuff? I had a think I get it half laugh re him knowing everything. My big is hitting an age where "I know" is an answer to, well, everything. I want to ask big whether there is really any point to going to school seeing as they just know everything already 😉 From what I have heard, it doesn't seem to get much easier from here for a while.

I'm so tired I am starting to feel sick, so I'm heading to bed to hopefully catch up on some sleep.

Good night all 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nighty night everyone
I'm way too tired to reply to any messages, sorry. 💜💟😴

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

A very early good morning to @CheerBear and fellow nesters. Hope the day brings some good things your way.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear and everyone 💜💕
👋☕🍵

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member ☕💗😊🍰👋

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Have you been ok today @CheerBear 💜
My day was an emotional rollercoaster.
Bedtime soon, well hopefully soon. Still waiting for daughter to come home.
No need to reply if you're too tired. It's late, just saying, hi again. 👋💟

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member 🙂 Today has been pretty good thanks. Compared to most days over the last fortnight, it's been a great day haha. I have some sad and worried lingering, but nothing too hard to cope with today which is nice.

Was there anything in particular that made your day wonky? (That you want to/can share). Daughter shouldn't be too far away now should she?

💗😊
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