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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Six months is great, CB. Brilliant that your support worker was able to be a strong advocate for you. I can understand you might feel shaky after that. I've had many shaky (and some 'lost it') moments in similar circumstances. But now you have more breathing space.

@CheerBear and everyone.

p.s. I've been going through some down introverted feelings recent days, not posting or responding as much at present. Kind of here and not here myself. Always wishing everyone well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - how are things with you and your daughter now? The last years of highschool can be so intense. It's great that you're keeping an eye out for her and giving her an opportunity to take some time out if she needs. Tomorrow should be a gentle day here (crossing fingers) 🙂 Hope it is for you too 💗

Hi @Mazarita. I would definitely have had some lost it moments today if my mh worker wasn't there. She diffused a whole lot of potentially difficult ones for me. Breathing space is great news 🙂

I read a little about the down patch you're having @Mazarita. Sounds a tough. I hope better days aren't too far away again for you. Here but not is the best way sometimes 💛

There's a @Teej who I am feeling is also a bit here but not at the moment. I hope your white ship appointment wasn't too tricky Teej and that things are going ok enough for you at the moment. Thinking of you lots too.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yes @CheerBear. There's a teej trying to come back to the forum but keeps running away. Her appointment went pretty well with the psychiatrist. I'm hoping she's got a handle on me now. Only time will tell. No medication changes for now. I'm not sure how I feel about the ones I'm on. There have been too many variables to know what is what, however the psych and everyone is very keen for me to get back on hrt.....thinking as I'm writing that it's speaking volumes about me right now. I am exhausted at the moment, lots of appointments this week and DBT today which is always exhausting and emotional for me.

Im so glad it went ok for you today. That is a big stress out the way. I have sat 5 of those assessments now. They are very stressful. I'm kind of surprised they didn't give you 12 months exemption although 6 months is great. I hope the housing one comes your way too and your luck is turning for the better again. You've certainly been tested lately but from where I sit you are doing remarkably well navigating it all.....and there has been lots........not sure I would have coped like you have, I think you have done so well.

Big hi and hugs to @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising, @Faith-and-Hope, @Mazarita, @Former-Member and anyone else in the nest. 💜🤗💐

Im so procrastinating writing a come back post. I guess this is a step towards it.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Omg sorry @Phoenix_Rising. I meant just the flowers for you in the nicest possible way. I must be tired. I completely forgot for a minute:face_with_rolling_eyes: 😳😳😳

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

:face_with_rolling_eyes:😳😳😳and a big hi 👋 @Phoenix_Rising. I think this might be a sign I shouldn't be posting just now. I also put in @Faith-and-Hope three times instead of your name so I'm on a roll. 🐢💐

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Okay ..... so now I owe you three hello ... hello .... hello's back again @Teej .... 🤗🤗🤗💐💕

Hi everybody .... 😊👋💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi to the @Teej who came back despite it being tricky 😊 It's so nice to see you taking a step toward being back. I have missed you lots, as I know lots have also. I hope it feels good taking these steps.

Thank you for your kind words. It's been tricky and I don't feel like I've done well, but I guess I've had lots of 'can'ts' that turned into dids anyway, and maybe that's enough for now.

I'm happy for you that the appointment wasn't too hard and it sounds like things with your psychiatrist are going ok. Well done to you on getting through it to get to now too. Medication is so tricky to work out, especially with life being a bit wobbly. I hope your DBT adventure is helping. I can imagine how tiring and emotional it could be.

A quiet, hopeful welcome back Teej. Hope things with your fish/sharks are going well as well.

💗💛

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks 😘 @Faith-and-Hope . Helllo .......echo .......echo . I'm so tired it's quite possible monty python will break out soon then we are all in trouble 💜🤗💐😘

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening everybody in the nest. I'm actually really here now. I am super working on my Forum Land addiction. When I "like" posts during the day but don't respond, you know I am failing in my efforts to stay off the forum. I definitely do want to keep working at it though so this is an advance apology for all the posts I don't respond to.

@Former-Member I love that you put the call out for nutella gulls and @Faith-and-Hope and I magically appeared.

@CheerBear I am so super happy that you had a positive outcome with CL. Your MH worker sounds awesome. Is this a Phams worker? (A) was at me a few times to get a Phams worker but I'm really not comfortable with the idea. Do you see her regularly? I would definitely like to have someone to come with me to things like CL appointments, but I wouldn't want someone checking in every week or so. It's just not where I'm at. I love that you told her about Dr Havetodo. I super love that you made Dr Havetodo.

@Mazarita I am sorry to hear you are having a down time. I super hope things improve super soon.

Hi @Teej!!!! It made me smile to think that you are trying to come back to the forum while I am working on my Forum Land addiction. I hope the DBT is going well, even though it is exhausting and emotional. I'm not sure if you've heard, but I FINALLY found a turtle-whisperer in therapist-take-twelve. We've only had one session thus far and already I feel a bazillion times better simply because I finally feel connected with someone. She is definitely a strong reminder that there are super helpful helping people out there...they are just sadly too few and far between.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Maybe we are all so tired that a Monte Python breakout could be seriously funny @Teej ..... ❣️

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