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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
I am not really here, but I am here anyway. I am so sorry that yesterday went so horribly for you and that now CL is totally messing you around. I feel super angry at CL because they went on that you would have to attend the appointment no matter what...and then they cancelled on you. That is so so SO wrong! It is also really not ok that they now want to conduct this assessment over the phone. I so very very badly wish I could fix this muddle for you.
I have nothing to say @CheerBear except that right now things super super super suck. That doesn't mean they always will, but they do right now and right now is where you are. I am going to snuggle into your pocket for the rest of the day. "We" have got through so many muddles together-but-not over the past few months and "we" will get through this one too.
I hate that you are hurting, I hate that the physical issue is going to be lifelong, and I hate that CL is adding so much unnecessary stress to your muddle. This all super super super sucks. We will ride it out together-but-not.
In response to: I'm in a nest
PepsimaxSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @CheerBear@Phoenix_Rising sorry yesterday was terrible CL sucks I sent the letter back to CL about rent assistance didn't get it week but hopefully next time
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Sorry to hear it's so sucky @CheerBear .....
Incoming hugs .... 🤗🤗🤗💜💐💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Really sorry that everything is so hard for you at the moment @CheerBear💗💟🐻
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