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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Faith-and-Hope 💜💕
You're super nice.
Hugs back. 🌹🌼

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Just sharing what I was taught re self-compassion @Former-Member ..... but I also know that it can be a big hurdle sometimes ....

Go gently forward Hon .....

💜💐💕💜💐💕💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

How was your appointment @CheerBear been thinking of you today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

👍💪💜 @Faith-and-Hope
I jumped in too quick the other week, trying new things. Was too much for me. New yoga class. All day art workshop, plus appointments etc......... I do need to go gently forward.
Hopefully I can climb my way out of this and try again at a slower pace.
Haven't got the energy to even think about it.
It's awful constantly falling in a dark deep hole. Not easy getting back up again.
Sooking won't get me anywhere.
Will try distracting.
Haven't been able to even try and distract.
Can't dwell on negative thoughts . That's disastrous.
I've read a bit about your changes happening etc. Trip coming up. Thinking of you and hoping everything will go as smoothly as possible for you.

Thinking of you @CheerBear 💜💕
Hoping the appointment went ok.
The busy train sounded 😮😣😨
Hope you can get an early night.

Hi @Pepsimax 👋💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member ....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member,

I'm sorry to hear things are still super tough in your world. It is definitely ok to go slow. I should know - I'm a turtle.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

You're a sweetie @Phoenix_Rising 🐢💚💛
Yes, I need to relax and take slower steps. As much as I hate not moving forward faster, you are right.
I hope I've learnt my lesson this time.
I've been here so many times.
Thanks for understanding.
I hope your week is going ok so far.
Mine is going slow. 😆🐢

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member Slow is the best way to go - or, if you are a turtle, the ONLY way to go.

@CheerBear I am thinking about you and wondering how your day has been (which is odd given that I'm right there with you).

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

The nest seems a bit full at the moment, but I hope you're all having a good night after today's trials and adventures.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yesterday went terribly. Terribly in the unexpected, the solution you were hoping for is not available the problem has come back, there is no fix for it, it will be a life long problem now, kind of way. I was given two options for managing it, both surgical, both with their array of different problems they will add, and neither that seem like ok choices. No fix.

I sat for ages after the appointment, wondering how to get home, or if I even wanted to go home, contemplating how much more I could take and whether I wanted to take anymore at all, feeling totally overwhelmed by life.

Somehow I got home, got through the night, woke up this morning and got myself up and ready for the assessment with c-link. I was getting myself ready to leave when I got a phone call to say that it has been cancelled. I had a panic attack, couldn't breathe and couldn't move. They told me they could reschedule it for this afternoon, but then cancelled that too.

I've just got another call to say it's been rescheduled for tomorrow morning as now an over the phone appointment. I can't do 24 hours more like this. I can't do an over the phone appointment for this one. I can't do this level of anxiety. I can't do feeling seriously anxious but pushing through anyway, only for things to be cancelled last minute. I can't keep psyching myself up for everything only to have to pick up the pieces when it falls apart. I feel so sick.
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