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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, I'm so sorry to hear about your medical struggles..... and centrelink being idiots and delaying your appointment and making it via phone.
I've done numerous assessments with centrelink and the social worker/ psychologist was actually very helpful and friendly. If you are aiming for DSP it is very difficult to qualify, but if it is an assessment for DES/DMS than I am very positive it will be fine. Just be honest.
I find with these things, and having had to go through security classifications for past jobs - I would remind myself just to tell the truth. They are not there to examine you as such, they are there to assess your level of difficulty. If you can tell the truth about your difficulties than you will be assessed correctly.
They are also not invasive, they don't ask questions about your past or things like that they ask about your current activities and coping. I wish you the best of luck and I hope your afternoon is not too stressful/anxiety ridden.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member I don't get stressed at the shops but I do get tired easily then hard

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear, love and hugs to you during this frustrating and difficult time with the appointments. Keep breathing, that's the best we can do sometimes. The c-link interview will be over before too long. If it was me, I'd probably be glad it was on the phone, save the nakedness and vulnerability of sitting there trying to explain it all in person to them. From my past experience, I think a lot depends on the interviewer. Most are okay, some are not great. Keeping fingers crossed you get one of the good ones. Understandable too that you would be feeling down about the medical problem. Does it interfere a lot with your daily life at present? I'm here to tell you that some physical issues can be lived with, once we have got used to the idea and get some help with symptom relief. I hope this turns out well for you too.

Wipeout day here again but hoping to get out tonight, after sleeping until after 1pm today. In high feral mode at the moment until I get myself into the shower later. Keep fingers crossed for me that I make it out the door tonight. I'm in one of those moods where I could just as easily stay at home.

Sending good wishes to all in the nest.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Yes, everything is hard when tired.
I hope your day is going ok. @Pepsimax
I will head off soon. 🌷🌼🌻☕🍰


Hi @Former-Member 🌷🌼🌺 ☕🍰


Cuppa for you @CheerBear ☕🍰👋💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Cuppa for you too @Mazarita ☕🍰👋💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Shh! @Faith-and-Hope
I just had Nutella toast and coffee 😮👍💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

1 little job today @Former-Member, @Pepsimax

so a sleep in this morning , did some washing

how has your day been @Former-Member xx

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Aww yum @Former-Member .... ❣️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Very slow @Shaz51
I'm still getting over crisis stuff.
Trying to distract.
Body still not wanting to co operate.
I'm glad you had a sleepin. 👍💕
Heading out, just putting on makeup to try and hide how I really feel.
It helps a little to put on my mask. 😀😆

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Coffee sounds perfect thanks @Former-Member. Over the last few days I have been wishing I could fly through my screen and have coffee with you in person lots. Your post this morning made me feel it again. I hope today is a bit better for you 💛 Just read your mask comment - I had a chat to someone about masks yesterday, and how so incredibly tiring it is to wear them. Hope heading out is good for you.

@Former-Member thank you for your reply. It helps to know that you've had a good experience before. I am not sure what I am aiming for at the moment, and it would help to know that properly but I can't kind of make much sense of things. All I really need right now is some time to sort myself out so I can get back on track. I really hope they allow me that. Hope you're going ok this week. It's nice to see you around when we do.

@Mazarita thank you too 💛. I can freeze and have trouble with talking sometimes, especially if a nerve is hit. It happened today on the phone and I stopped speaking and had to work hard to just breathe, which meant they pretty much hung up on me. My worry with the phone is that I don't have other options for communicating and if I lose my words I have nothing left. My mh worker has really helped today and will be with me tomorrow, so at least I can hand the phone over if I need. As for the other thing, yep it does significantly intefere with daily life, and it's likely to continue doing so and getting worse if I leave it. The surgeon put an urgent referral into the clinic yesterday, so like this c-link mess, it will get sorted soon enough, and then it's just learning to live with what sorted means. I'll find a way to work it out so I can get to the clinic. There's always a way, it just feels so hard to find it sometimes.

I hope you do make it out of the door tonight @Mazarita. I can totally relate to the feeling of wanting to stay at home and not go out. More often than not, getting out and about does help lift my mood a bit, which I hope it does for you too.

Hi @Pepsimax, @Faith-and-Hope, @Shaz51, and @Phoenix_Rising and thanks too.

I wanted to stay away from here until I felt better and really didn't want to post another my life sucks and I feel like I am drowing post today. At this stage, feels better seems like it could be a seriously long time away, and I think I'd miss everyone too much.

(I'm whispering this because I don't want to get my hopes up. A house came up today through DSS. Affordable, modern, (tiny but whatever), long lease, right location... My CM and I put the application in with some loud advocating for us from her. My brain is proper mashed now after having all of that to think about today too, but it would be an enormous thing for us. Quietly crossing everything.)

Is it bed time yet now though? 😴😩🤕
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