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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Teej 😊 Nice to 'see' you. I've noticed you around and am thinking of you lots, ready if/when you want to pop up but happily waiting until that might be too. Today is an appointment with the surgeon and tomorrow morning is the assessment. My brain hurts. White ship appointments can be super scary and shudder worthy 😞 Hope it goes ok for you and hope you're traveling ok in general. Thank you for being here/there too and you're right, I feel you are even when you're not 💗

@Former-Member - how did that coffee go down? Sunday sounded really really hard. Have you got anyone helpful to work with you through it? I'm sorry things are so hard at the moment 🙁😘

I've done one of the hard bits and got myself on the train. I'm starting to feel a bit like I can't breathe and am having a heart attack buuuuuuut I know 'feeling' and 'am actually having' are two different things. I'm getting pretty shaky. Just the smells (shame there are no socially acceptable things to shove up nostrils to block smells 😛 ), all the people too close to me and the totally unpredictable busy that is in the big place I am heading towards, is enough on it's own. Breathing, even if it feels hard, reading my 'got this post' from only a few hours ago, and looking forward to finding a quiet hiding spot soon.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

With you on the journey, @CheerBear, creating a little bubble of forum space around you to keep you safe through this difficult moment.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

No, I don't have anyone @CheerBear I'm used to that though.

You have enough to think about. Take care. xo

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm here too @CheerBear thinking of you loads

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

A bubble of safe space sounds pretty great right now @Mazarita, thanks.

I've got my coffee and found myself a quiet spot under a tree. It's peaceful people watching here. I can stay here for another 15 minutes finding calm before taking another big breath and braving the (totally bananas) busy.

@Former-Member - sending you hugs. I do have lots to think about, like I think we all do. I also have lots of space to think about lots more, and I choose to think about you because I care.

Thanks @Pepsimax 💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member ..... 💜💐💕😘☕️❣️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - you have to do what's right for you and if the forum isn't helpful, or worse and it's harmful, then you know what is right better than anyone. I am sorry to hear you're feeling rejected. I know there are lots of people here who do care about you, and accept you as you are here, but can see that it might be hard to feel or see it yourself sometimes.

There will be a comfy warm cushion here for you to land on if it helps, for you to come and go as is right for you. I so appreciate you for you and am sending you big bug loves xxx

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear and @Faith-and-Hope

I was being a sook.

You have both been very kind and supportive. xo

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Not. Soon from my perspective @Former-Member ..... self-compassion is important and you are feeling very down .....

More hugs incoming ..... 💕💕💕
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