FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

1,951 - 1,960 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member 😞 I wish there was something to say. I understand how hard it can be to feel like you want things to just stop. What are you doing this afternoon?

Would it help to talk about it? Sometimes it helps me. Other times it doesn't. Knowing it's a option is sometimes enough though.

Wish I could jump through the screen and be sitting next to you at the moment.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - I forgot that when I'm not tagged I don't get a notification, so I didn't check back earlier.

You don't have to be sorry for being down. I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about - I think you're just as human as all the rest of us, and humans kind of aren't designed to just cruise through really crappy things happening. It's hard, so so hard, but I really do think it's normal to find yourself down and tired and questioning the point of trying sometimes, after all the hurt.

Maybe it's not the right time or the right thing to say right now, but I think sometimes when I am really really down, like it sounds like you are today, it's so hard to see that I don't always 'fail'. I'm almost certain that there are plenty of things you, like me, haven't actually failed at.

Right now though, what matters is that you're feeling the way you are, and the way you're feeling makes things really hard. Lots of us 'get' it.

I'm feeling you and hearing you, and hoping that this down patch passes and you'll find yourself in a bit of an up spot again soon.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hugs n hugs @Former-Member ...... keep focussed on the time with your daughter and being in the moment as much as you can .....

Holding you in the light and hoping the worse of these feelings will pass quickly.

💜💐💕💜💐💕💜💐💕💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou @CheerBear and @Faith-and-Hope 💗💟💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

sending you lots of tender hugs my @Former-Member , will be thinking of you so keep in touch , sitting with you xx

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou for caring @Shaz51 💜💕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon in the nest 🙂

Sleep was tricky again last night so I've been feeling tired and drained today. I had a dream that I had been found and was being chased down, which is a theme that consistently visits me when I am asleep. I can pull myself out of the panic pretty quickly and come back to reality, but sometimes it can take ages to calm down enough to go back to sleep again, which is what happened last night. Somewhere around the 2ish o'clock mark, I was lying in bed wanting nothing more than to get up and organise my desk and fold the washing (along with a full on craving for apple raspberry cordial?!). It was a really intense urge to move and do and fix and work out stuff and organise. My general rule is that if the time starts with a 4 or 5, I can get up and do whatever I want, but 2 is too early for me to start the day so I rode it out. It took forever to pass.

I tried to get my head around some of this c-link stuff last night but couldn't work it out. I read that when booking an assessment, c-link is supposed to make a time with the customer that is suitable for them, with enough notice to be able to collect any documents, and an explanation of what is needed. I got what was more along the lines of 'your appointment is in less than a week, cancel whatever you have on so you can attend it, and bring evidence'. In all the reading last night I kept seeing the word 'permanent' which doesn't work when we consider that recovering from trauma/mh stuff is apparently possible. I think I'm going to fall somewhere in the middle and that rarely works when it comes to yes/no c-link. My psych put no time line on recovery, which I think is right considering we can't predict how long it will take, but that also seems unlikely to work for c-link too. I have no idea what to expect. I don't know whether what I am attending is a job capacity assessment or an employment services assessment, or whether there's even a difference that matters to me. All I know is that I can't fulfill my mutual obligation requirements right now and I don't know when I will be able to, despite so desperately wanting to be able to finish study, have a meaningful career, and be able to provide for my family. Maybe I'll just stick with that idea through the assessment. C-link does my head in and is a huge source of stress :S

Expecting this week to be somewhat shaky, I did the groceries and meal planning for the whole week this morning and have been trying to sort through some washing so that's more under control too. I have the added challenge of hormones jumbling up my body and mind at the moment too so I'm snappy, sore and generally blegh all over. I can feel panic sitting on my chest, and am having to work to stay in the right-this-moment. I'm very glad I have yoga this afternoon (provided no LF have any accidents at school) as it helps me find my feet on the ground and stops my head from wanting to fly off into freak out now land.

That's me today. Hope everyone is going ok 🙂

@Former-Member - still sending you my biggest love and thoughts at the moment, hoping so much that today is a bit less awful than the last few.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon nest-dwellers,

@Former-Member I'm sorry to hear things are so very difficult for you right now. It super sucks. I hope this week is a bit of a brighter week in your world.

@CheerBear Your dream sounds horrible and I can imagine the big scared feelings you must have woken up with. I tend to have a rule that I can get up if the time starts with a 4 too, although I have been wondering lately whether I should get up at an earlier time if I really can't sleep. I have heard that it is better to get up than to toss and turn.

I hate that you have to deal with c-link. Goodness knows how to make sense of anything they say. It does sound very wrong that they've told you have to attend the appointment at the time they say, without giving you a lot of time and information to prepare. I wonder if you could call the "customer relations team" that I got told about when I emailed the general manager of CL a couple of months ago. I just googled "centrelink customer relations team" and the number came up. They were super nice - MUCH better than regular CL staff.

I'm wondering if it might be different applying for an exemption from mutual obligation stuff vs applying for the disability pension. I think for the DSP you need to demonstrate a permanent impairment (or at least an impairment that will last more than two years), whereas perhaps this isn't the case for getting an exemption from mutual obligations. I don't really know, I'm just guessing. It is tricky because as you say, on the one hand we want to have hope that our brains can be fixed (and I truly believe they can be), but in some instances, like with CL, you want the evidence to emphasise how puddled your brain is. Definitely tricky!

1,951 - 1,960 of 5,090