FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

181 - 190 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Well done @CheerBear. Really proud of you. That sounds like you have found an amazing inner strength to fight for you so you can fight for LFs too. Keep taking good care of you. 💜🤗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's great @CheerBear 👍💟💕🐻
You conquered your fear.
Let's hope that you don't fall, but yes, it's good to have a plan.
You might sleep better tonight and gain more strength.
Well done. 😊💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love the flowers @Former-Member 💜💕
Brings tears to my eyes. 😢
You are such a caring person.🌹🌸🌼🌻🌷🌺

You are too @CheerBear 💕
You bring cheer across the forums.
🌷🌺🌹🌼🌸🌻

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Former-Member and @Former-Member (and every other person who has stopped past). You're all very kind.

I've tried to be very careful about who and when I've tagged in to the nest, because the last thing I wanted to do was drown anyone in my hopelessness. One hiccup aside, which prompted me to seek support from bigger ocean creatures which was a good thing anyway, I feel like everything and every post you've person all said and made has been nothing but helpful and has 'hit the mark' as you said Teej. I truly mean it when I say that feeling heard and listened to and not alone is what matters hugely to me. If that comes in the form of someone sitting with tea, or 'liking' a post of mine, or sharing their own experience, or sending a care package or flowers, or a tool for coping (i did a rainbow walk today again teej - really need more purple), or venting alongside me, or trying to make sense of it all, or chatting about something else - it has and will be right for me. Being human matters. A space to be me and a space where others can be themselves however that comes.

So thank you all. You've all helped me weather a very big storm. And while there are still ripples or whirlpools, and even sometimes rainbows, it would be super helpful to be able to retreat to the nest. And if there are others here that's a bonus.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's great @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear That all sounds superly duperly positive and hopeful. You sound really empowered and like you are doing things on your terms. I don't know about you, but the empowered feeling is one of my favourite feelings (although of course that means that feeling disempowered is a super giant trigger). I am super looking forward to hearing the outcome of tomorrow's meeting. I super hope there is some good support available to you when you are actively seeking it. It sounds like you might sleep a little better tonight - I super hope so.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I really am tonight @Phoenix_Rising and that whole empowering/disempowering thing is huge for me too.

You've genuinely inspired me to be as me as I can be in a system that doesn't really like people like you and me very often. I am doing it while still maintaining that caution and wariness but I am doing it. I said that thing about the waiting and how damaging it is to do, not just for me but for you and for us all. The turtle in my pocket was a huge part of this fight today.

And I am about to share a highlight of the day in the hope that you get a bit of a giggle when you read it. Even if it is not so much the content than it is the fact I scooted around a supermarket taking photos of things and laughing out loud.

Hope you sleep well tonight

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@outlander - your photos are up and they have made me smile a HUGE smile! Guess what I did today? I pinned a heap of photos, very similar to the fairy lights ones, on to a new board I have especially for the nest, when I am feeling jittery. Thank you for the smile and dropping them off here. The nest feels great 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, It's hard work changing the world isn't it! @Former-Member was just saying on my neurofeedback thread that I'm fixing the profession of psychology one psychologist at a time. Phew, I'm glad you are doing the same! That means if you sort out a bazillion psychologists and I sort out eleventy million, we should have the profession on track somewhere around the year 2050.

I'm glad I could come along in your pocket with you today. Don't worry, I stuck my head in my shell while you were actually talking so I didn't hear anything personal - my shell is soundproof you know. I noticed you mentioned somewhere that you don't intend to tell anyone from the catt team that you have a tiny turtle in your pocket. I think that's wise...they'd probably get jelous...or something...:

I think that while I sit in one of your pockets, in the other pocket you should have a note that says "I'm inspired to be as me as me as I can be." Oh yes, that's a very cool saying.

181 - 190 of 5,090