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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Woohoo @Mazarita - getting all the washing done is a big one! Bet it smells good too. Grrr to it - doing the washing is one of my biggest struggle chores. I've folded ours finally and it's sitting on the dining room table so I have to pack it away if there's going to be any form of dinner happening 😉

Great to hear your day is going along well 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member, @CheerBear, back from the beach. About 2.5kms walked, difficult at first but breathing got easier and pace picked up a bit as I went along. Bella, yay for this week then, may there be many more good weeks to come (without too much of the overload and exhaustion part). CB, your washing on the dining room table reminds me I still have some folded up on a box in the bedroom. You may have just inspired me to put that away too. Out again soon, catch you later.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Folding? 😂
I just plonk it in the family room and put them in separate piles 😊😆 @CheerBear @Mazarita
I can't believe how much washing we have every day. I'm too fussy and we only wear things once.
I do like things to be neat and tidy, but just don't have the energy.
That's a good walk Mazarita.
💜💕👍

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope you feel better after a sleep @Phoenix_Rising 😴💜💕🐢
Maybe a nice hot herbal tea would be nice. 😊
I'm having an Earl Grey. 🍵

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening @Former-Member @Former-Member @CheerBear @Mazarita and anyone else in the nest.

@Former-Member I hope the voices have settled a bit today. I can't imagine what it must be like hearing voices. It must be SO distracting! I had a lot of times where I felt dumb and like I wouldn't get my degree too. However, twelve years on I DID get it. Twelve years to do a four year degree - sooooooo painful, but it did get done in the end.

What is this I am hearing about a bath-tub in the nest??? I hope we are planning to get a qualified plumber in to install it. A bath-tub in a nest sounds a little scary to me.

@CheerBear I hope you had a super nice night away.

@Former-Member It super made me giggle that @CheerBear called you a turkey. It sounds like we all now know who to turn to when we want a boost to our self-esteem.

@Mazarita Your beach walk sounds lovely. I super love being near the ocean (obviously...given I'm a sea turtle!). I hope you feel better soon. My cold is at the annoying runny nose and feeling yuck stage. I find that whenever I get a cold, the actual cold will clear up within a few days, but I then get a cugh that hangs around for weeks - super annoying!

@Mazarita I am super impressed that you did five loads of washing. I don't even own enough clothes to fill five washing loads!!!

Ok, well I am heading off now. I have to get up early to have another exciting session with (A). I'm pretty sure things will run much smoother than last week (heck, they couldn't go any worse!!!!). Aside from my annoying cold, I am feeling a bazillion times better now than I was a few days ago. @CheerBear I very much want to share about the lifeline I have been thrown, but I'm not sure how much I will be able to share. Suffice to say, it was totally out of the blue, happened very quickly, and is something I am so very very grateful for. I will share more as I can.

Oh by the way, I just remembered something @CheerBear. I had a dream about you last night. In my dream you were in a very big muddle and you were talking to someone on the SANE helpline. Then somehow they put the call through to me and I spoke to you on the phone. At least, I don't think I actually said much, I just sat with you in your puddle...but on the phone instead of in Forum Land. How weird is that!!!!!

Ok, NOW I'm going. Night.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Haha! Yes, @CheerBear called me a turkey. 😂 I much prefer being a kitty cat. 😀😺
@Phoenix_Rising
Nighty night. Sleep well. 💗💟

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Your late night nester here again, responding to a couple of earlier posts while you sleep.

@Former-Member, I love how folding makes you laugh! I am fairly neat, and I need to be in this small flat, though I'm not good at the bigger cleaning jobs. My main laughter is reserved for when people suggest I might like to iron something. I can't even remember where the iron is, probably still packed in a box downstairs. I haven't used it since we moved in here three years ago (and probably years before that). In fact, it was bought sometime in the '80s and is really too old and electrically dangerous to use now. I can't see myself buying another one. So that's probably it for ironing in my life.

@Phoenix_Rising, I have accumulated a fair number of op shop clothes over the past few years (gotta love a shirt that's the price of a cappucino). But yesterday's wash included sheet, doona cover, two throw rugs, towels and a giant fluffy dressing gown, as well as regular clothes. I needed to do a big wash to try to clear out the lurgy germs. The lurgy seems to have cleared a lot in me after a week but, like your past experiences, I still have a hacking cough and breathing problems. The beach walks at the moment are a breathless experience, though it gets better as I go along, so is probably good. But I hope the cough and chest irritation don't last for too long for both of us this time around. On another subject, I'm really happy to hear you have been thrown a lifeline!

And now it's getting on to dawn and the early morning shift will arrive soon. That means I can just get in a good morning too to @CheerBear and all. Hope the day ahead brings some good things for us all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning from an early morning shifter (but not too early this morning which is nice). I hope you all slept well.

@Former-Member - I'm so sorry I called you a turkey 😔😂 I have no idea why I went with turkey that night, especially when there was a cute chicken and nice dove looking thing as options too. I think I might have felt sad for the little turkey on my phone, because I can't imagine it gets much of a turn at being a star and he looked kind of lonely. I'll put him back with the hazelnut, wrench and taxi in the box of emojis I'm not likely to ever have a reason to use 😛 Have you seen that there is an emoji movie? I'm not sure when it is out but one of my LF was so excited when they saw an enormous display poster stand thing for it at the cinema last time we went. It has terrible ratings but I have a feeling it will make this fish and I laugh lots.

I can't remember what you have on today but I know your week is busy. Hope you have a good day and that you are able to have down time in between your adventures 😊☕🍰😻

Good morning @Mazarita 😊 It made me smile to wake up to your late night post, as kind of a handover for the early morning nest visit. I really like starting my day with a coffee and forum catch up. Before the big bang, I was hugely into news and current social issues and used to spend my morning coffee time scrolling through newsfeeds, filling my brain (and heart) with pretty hardcore views on 'stuff'. I've lost access to it all now and my snowflakiness couldn't cope with it, even if I could find a way of regaining access. Having forumland around to visit, is one of the great things that has come from this year of massive changes for me. I feel way more calm and warm reading through forum posts than I did reading through 'just how terrible humans can be to each other' news too.

Your comments about your iron made me laugh. My iron is a 'craft tool', used for melting crayons and steaming crafty projects 😂 I actually call it that when the suggestion of ironing clothes comes out. I have a bit of a rule that if something can't go in the machine/dryer or it needs ironing, it doesn't belong in this house. It works for me 😆

Hope the day ahead is good for you too and the chesty thing makes it's way out of you soon 💛

Good morning @Phoenix_Rising and happy yoga day! I love your dream the other night. I had a bit of a laugh imagining whoever was on the helpline having both of us at the same time. It's funny that you had a dream that I called the helpline. Following the interview the other day, I called for the second time (that's how big my muddle was). I read not long after I called that you had called that day too and felt kind of nice (so not the right word) imagining us both passing through the help centre, together but not.

Something I am learning heaps being here, is that specifics of things aren't always (often) necessary and that what is more important is the effect of the things. The lifeline is another example. I'll enjoy your positive feelings about the lifeline and look forward to riding alongside you through it, without needing to know any specifics. I'm so glad you have it.

Hope your A appointment goes well this morning.

Also, just so you can feel more ok about this bath thing, I asked the awesome handyperson who installed the fire proofing when the candle trend when through the nest, to triple check all the plumbing in the new bath. I have enough plumbing problems at home that it was a matter of urgency, and they got on to it really quickly. Definitely all good 😉

Good morning to @Former-Member as well. I hope your Sunday was good and the week ahead goes well for you.

Well my LF are all up now and it's time for me to play bouncer at the bathroom door for the morning rush. This week is making me nervous but I will take it step by little step and retreat to a nest as needed.

Hope it's a good one for you all 💛💗😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear what have you got planned today I'm going to coles later and washing on already

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hiya @Pepsimax 😊 I have an appointment with the nurse this morning, then need to work out my calendar (and shuffle around/book some stuff), then yoga this afternoon. Spotlight have a big sale on and I want to work on a gift for someone so I might try and sneak in a trip to pick up some yarn I need while it is on sale too. This one is a maybe though as I am not sure whether I have the time today. It would be nice as I kind of do this 😍😍😍 just visiting and looking at all the pretties waiting to be made into special somethings 😊 It will either be a treat for today or tomorrow.

I hope you have a good day Pepsimax 💗
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