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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Haha, lots of typing errors. 😂😂
Means I'm super duper tired.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sending love and hugs to @Teej if you read this. 💜💗💟💕
🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oooh I'm so looking forward to seeing this bath @Former-Member! The nest definitely needs one of these. And Mr Matey - I haven't thought of that for ages! Was a fave of mine from when I was little too. I remember that smell so well 🙂

Our house is very much the opposite of in a rural place. It's just old and has huge gas (and probably electricity) issues and a landlord who doesn't want to do maintenance, and overseen by a housing organisation who doesn't care. We are hopefully out of here soon and a working bath is a priority. I've thought of boiling pots of water and putting them in the bath but can't bring myself to do it. The housing stuff is one of my big stress things at the moment, but just like you with uni, it will be ok one day.

Ah Mr Matey - I'm still smiling at that 🙂

@Former-Member - hello night owl 🦃 (night turkey because there are no owls on my phone!) Yay for the boxing stuff! Is it a punching bag and gloves? How fun! You did heaps today! So much for taking a chill day. Great to hear you worked through some stuff too. I know I can only go with what you write here, but I think this week has had some seriously big forwards steps for you. Hope your pillow is soft and cosy tonight 😊💛



In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi nesters, this is your late night nester saying hello again.

@Former-Member, a very productive day for you yesterday, especially given how slowly it started, way to go! I did a lot of sleeping and a fair bit of nothing much but did make the bed and get dressed. Not beating myself up over the blank day. Hoping for a beach walk today. Nice one with the pillow. I got a new one for my birthday, latex, it's fantastic. Yes, I think the GP will help, she's a good one and it's an old problem. Might involve seeing a specialist and some unpleasant stuff. Even though I know things can't be fixed completely (chronic health issue), I'm hopeful they can get better than they are.

@CheerBear, I so feel for you with your housing issues. Really hoping hard that things improve quickly with that for you and the LFs.

Hope everyone here is sleeping well as I write.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning all. 💜💕👋☕
I was up briefly earlier to make my breakfast. Was able to go back to sleep briefly, thank goodness. Yes, seriously super big steps forward this week @CheerBear 💜
I haven't worked out when to push and when to rest. My body goes "blaaah" before I realize I've done too much. 😕
Strange how some days I'm not anxious in the traffic, but lately I'm terrible . 😮😣😨
That's my downfall, anxiety depletes me. 😬
Blah blah blah 😂 Enough of that. 😀
The punching thingy is a steel pole with a punch thing on top with a heavy base and pole has a big spring so it's flexible when boxing 😆
I need to get some wrist straps for protection. Had upper back pain when I woke, so it's doing something 😀

I volunteered to drive someone somewhere every week and afterwards realized that I'll be spending most Iof Monday driving around 😮😣😨 It doesn't fit in with the school run, so I'm feeling annoyed and anxious about thatm I don't like backing out of things once I offer, but, oh my gosh, I've made a mistake here.
I'm trying to move forward and do things for myself and I fell in a trap again.
I've always put others before myself and my health has deeply suffered for it.
I need to get strong before I help people. Whoops! Jumped in too soon.
I'll do it tomorrow and see if we can arrange something else, as there are others that can give them a lift. Others who are going to same place.
Made appointments with GP this week for daughter follow up and 6 monthly skin check, not sure when last one was. 😮😀
Yoga/pilates class on same day. Need hair done, hope I feel up to making appointment for that and I hope not too much else on. Oh and lady who taught the art wants to catch up. Nice of her. Gosh will see how I go.
Need to shop for birthday present today and I'm still in bed.
I hope that you feel well enough for a walk @Mazarita. 💜
It's not easy pushing ourselves when we have health issues, but I think you are like me and prefer to do things despite how we feel, otherwise it's too frustrating.

That really really really sucks that the landlord won't fix things for you CheerBear
Do you have heaps of stuff to move?

Ok I'd better go and play, beautician. 😂 My daughter wants her eye brows plucked. 😀
I love doing her makeup. Hoping she'll let me do it for her formal.
Catch you later .
Hope you all have a nice Sunday
💜💗💟🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹🌼🌹

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Maybe I could be a night cat rather than a night turkey, haha! @CheerBear 💜
But a sleeping night cat would be much better. 😂
I've spent too much time typing on here 😮😣
So slow typing on phone .

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member hellooo night cat (not turkey) - that would definitely have been a better choice 😅

Wow so much on! I have to watch the whole jump in the deep end thing a bit too as I find myself taking on heaps of things then getting overwhelmed. I'm getting a bit better at it, but maybe for people like us it's a case of trial and error or learning best by doing or something.

We now have all of our house set up and what's left (that I didn't get rid of) so it's a bit to move. When we first came to this house I was in such fear of it all happening again that I bought a full on amount of big plastic storage tubs and organised the crap out of everything just in case we ever had to run again. That should help with the move when it happens, but over the last months we've accumulated again. Mostly paper (drawings/documents/forms etc) but even clothes as my fish seem to be growing quickly this year. I'm dreading it but looking forward to being out of here at the same time.

You seem to have a busy week ahead. Hope it doesn't get too tiring for you! That boxing set sounds awesome!

Enjoy your beauty salon stuff 😀

Hiya @Mazarita - hope you continue to feel better today and that the walk is good for you 💛

Hiya everyone else who may pop past 👋

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good idea re plastic boxes @CheerBear
Catch you later.
Showered and trying to get to shops for present.
Bit sore from boxing 😮😂
💜☕

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi nesters, @CheerBear, @Former-Member and everyone,

Bella, you are doing so much, I feel embarrassed to skite about my modest achievements. But I will anyway. I've outdone myself today (by my standards). Five (count them) loads of washing! The line is chockablock. My basket is officially now empty (first time in about six months). I used eucalyptus oil in the wash to give them an extra disinfecting touch to chase away those lurgy bugs. Still coughing like a maniac, but I think it's actually a residual chest irritation now, rather than the virus itself affecting me. I'll be out on the beach in half an hour as it gets closer to low tide (best time for walking here). Later, I will be going to visit friend for dinner. What was shaping up to be a blank day is filling out nicely.

Hope everyone has some bright moments this Sunday.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Trust me @Mazarita you are doing good. 😀💜
All that washing would have taken ages. Just going out to visit a friend is an achievement, especially when you are still so unwell.
It's only just this week that I've made steps to "get a life".
My daughter gets me out of the house, otherwise I'd be hopeless. 😂
Still haven't been to shops. 😮😣
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