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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hope you can get some sleep @Former-Member

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member, I've just woken from another couple of hours sleeping. This time in my clothes (I managed to get dressed at some point). Hope you feel better after some rest and sleep.

@CheerBear, thanks. My mood has improved as I feel myself to be slowly recovering. So okay tonight. How was your day?

@Phoenix_Rising, oh no, you have the lurgy now too. Keeping fingers crossed it passes quickly and relatively pain free for you.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - hope sleep tonight is easy for you 💗💛

That's good to hear @Mazarita 🙂 Today was fun thanks. Busy, full on, but nice and there are smiles all around here at the moment. We've disappeared for the night and there's a bath here - so happy and so looking forward to that later!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, a bath, how lovely. Enjoy!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear and @nesters, I hope everyone is snuggly and warm tonight.
I'm going okay I guess. Got a bit of life stress and feeling a bit down. My voice man is being a f**king a**hole to me right now. I wish I could chop my ears off!
Uni is just about to start for real - assessments are due in the next 2 weeks and I'm really stressing about them. I just feel so dumb and I don't think I'll ever get my degree.
I hope everyone is well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi again @Former-Member. I just got out of the bath and into my fluffy pjs and thought how fabulous it feels to feel so warm and snuggly. I hope you're feeling it too tonight.

Sorry to hear your voice man is giving you trouble. That would suck a lot 😞 Uni stress is tough too. Sounds like you have a bit going on at the moment. Hope you are able to work through it bit by bit and it doesn't take too much out of you.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Bath and Fluffy PJs! I didn't know we had a bubble bath in the nest! Bath and fluffy pj's is pretty much my everyday pick me up. I hope they've made you feel good.
I love different scented bubble baths and take a cup of tea/wine into the bath with me and totally chill out. You're on holidays @CheerBear? (I'm still reading back through all the posts I've missed).

I'm lucky that I've got some really supportive lecturers, so I'm hoping a sob in their office will help sort me out.
The voices..... I think I'm more scared about talking about them in therapy that I am about themselves. But it's still distressing. And it sucks for the time being. But it will be okay. It always is. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Taking a one night away fly past somewhere special but not somewhere I can go often place @Former-Member 🙂 A bath in the nest sounds like a great addition! Baths definitely were a go to for me too until recently when I lost hot water to the bath in the house 😞

I have no experience of living with voices like (and others) describe but can imagine that talking about them in therapy would be scary. Good luck with all of your uni 5-HT. I think you're pretty awesome for getting out there and through it!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @CheerBear, my self esteem appreciates the boost.

Your trip sounds really nice @CheerBear, I hope you enjoy yourself.

Sad face about your hot water. Do you live in a rural property? I hope you get your hot water fixed soon.

When we had bad hot water system when I was a little kid, I would heat water on the stove for my bath. Took FOREVER!

I've gone out and bought a bath for the nest:

And some Mr Matey bubble bath, cause it's my favourite advertisement from my childhood.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm still awake 😂
Did some therapy on myself and was able to work through some more anger and guilt. So I'm not feeling so heavy now, as I was esrlier.
Did 3 loads if washing today. Had to ralk myself into going food shopping and a walk at the beach. Probably wouldn't have bothered if my daughter didn't ask to go for a walk. It's a huge effort for me to go out. It's like a fear and I have to fight it to get out of the house.
Wish life could be a bit easier sometimes .
I bought myself a new Tontine pillow at Woolworths , I love new pillows.
Oh and I did get the boxing gloves and punching thing from ALDI also. Had a turn on it. Think it will be very useful in many ways.
Cooked spaghetti Bolognese, first time in ages. Now I'm exhausted.
That's great that your having a night away @CheerBear You deserve a break. 💜💕
I hope the GP can help you next week @Mazarita 💟💕💗 Awful for you to feel so unwell and have pain.
Sleep well @Phoenix_Rising 💚🐢
Hi and I hope you have a good sleep @Former-Member ❤
Nughty night @Zoe7 💜 and everyone here 💟
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