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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
So glad you have come to terms with it and are satisfied you did the right thing. Just as glad to hear you are taking a recovery day.
Big hugs ...... 💜💐💕🤗
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I hope your counselling session is helpful today @CheerBear💜🐻☕
I was the same, could never stand up for myself (abusive background). Now I feel like I'm constantly trying to stand up for things that aren't right. Like you, I hate it, but I hate more, seeing things go on that are not right. I've had many extremely stressful "wars". Ending in good results, but, oh my gosh! I'd rather run away and hide. I can't believe what a victim I used to be, no more though. 💪😀
You know, I guess that's why I ended up isolating myself, because it all became too stressful.
I'm feeling much the same this week. It's a fight every day, but I did get out to a new yoga/pilates class this week. I'm pretty pleased with that, as it was my first social outing in a very, very long time. Had a good chat to the teacher afterwards. I was reasonably ok going, until I arrived and saw a group of men there. They had been to a support group before the class. Huge panic attack, but I had to work through that and then there were 3 guys in the class. 😮😣😨 2 basically sat and watched. It was very awkward, but I shut my eyes and pretended they weren't there. 2 left the room after approx half an hour, thank goodness. So, it was a challenge in many ways.
And I am going to an art class at the beach tomorrow😮😀 pretty amazing for me.
Anyway, I hope you're not too drained after your session and good on you for getting through the some of the "hard stuff". Remember to reward yourself. Chat soon. 💕
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
To be honest @CheerBear I feel like crying. I'm so scared of falling in a heap. That's what has happened when I try to move forward. I lack energy, my body doesn't cope and I end up sick with a flu or something. Somehow I need to work through these fears so I don't "crash". I tried voluntary work last year. One morning and I failed. Mind you, it was a huge trigger (saw guy who attacked me on TV). Had to go to the police to give my statement, etc. ..... Ok, as you say, "I can do this".
That was <br> message 😂 used a wrong word. 😀
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Former-Member - so many things I want to say, but mostly just huge big love to you. Big time wow and yay for getting out and about! That's HUGE! And you pushed through all kinds of things to get there. So much well done! And tomorrow art class on the beach - 😍😊!
I can so completely understand the fear of falling in a heap. For all I thought I understood recovery, mh etc, this year has taught me heaps and one of the big lessons is just how exhausting things can be. Things that might seem easy or simple to others, or maybe that were easy and simple once, they can knock me over now. Getting up time and time again, pushing yourself and stretching yourself - it's tough. I wish it was easier for us all.
I truly believe you've got this and you can do it. That awareness that it's important to push yourself but in a way that is gentle so you don't crash - that will help. Have you got your snuggle gown on now? I'm in my blanket at the moment 😊
Sending you one of my best coffees ☕. It looks the same as all the others but this one is special 😜 I'm going to make my last one for the day and sit in the sun for a while. Hope the rest of your day is good 💗💪
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Ps @Faith-and-Hope thank you for being you 💗
In response to: I'm in a nest
Faith-and-HopeSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
🤗💕 Thank you for being you too @CheerBear ..... keeping to your values on such a rough journey ....,,
So well done.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @CheerBear💜💟 Chat soon. Feeling knocked out at the moment, but wanted to say, thanks for being there. I was worried that I might burden you, as you have so much going on. No snuggle gown on, but briefly lying on snuggle blanket. Just out of shower.
Special coffee, yum! 😆☕ Thanks 😉
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Back again, lol @CheerBear
I hope you're resting though.
I'm so angry that I let guys abuse me physically, emotionally etc. I know that's the past and I need to "let it go", the fact that I let it destroy my life. No more. 💪 I'm buying some boxing gloves and a punching thingy from ALDI on Saturday. 😂😂😂😂😂 That will help me get rid of some of the inner anger. 😀
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Yessssss @Former-Member!!!! Get that boxing gear and have fun with it! I'm learning to find my calm in yoga and then as soon as I get it I am enrolling in that kickboxing class to get the anger out too 😆
I'm angry too Bella, for both of us. For alllll of us who have been hurt by others. Not for letting ourselves get hurt but for having someone make the choice to hurt us in the first place. It's just not ok.
I'm unpeeling my burrito shell pink fluffy blanket and heading off for a meeting at the school. Almost pick up time for you too. Hope your afternoon is good and if I don't catch you before tomorrow, hope your art class is fab!
(Ps never a burden!)
💪
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
I wish we could go to kick boxing classes together @CheerBear😀👊👍💪👬
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