FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

1,741 - 1,750 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

hello @Former-Member, @CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising, @outlander

Sending you hugs for today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm sunk. That was shattering. I was asked questions about what life including housing was like before being part of the program and what it is like now. I was asked about my hopes and ability to make plans for the future now I am in this house. Whether there had been any changes to my independence and mental health since being part of the program. Whether I felt safe in the house and in the neighbourhood...

I spoke honestly and openly and managed to hold back all my big tears until almost the end but then it all broke out.

It was supposed to be an anonymous interview and at the end the interviewer said he felt he needed to speak with the organisation about my experiences and asked for consent to do that in a whatever the opposite way to anonymous is. I wasn't thinking and said yes, and now regret it. I could have caused way more problems for myself in doing so and want to take it back now.

I'm in a car park stuck to the chair of my car feeling so so sad 😞 I tried to call my CM to speak to her about it but she's not there at the moment. I wish that life was different and that none of this had happened.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Oh no @CheerBear ...... ❣️

Can you go back in, or ring back, and withdraw your consent ?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Echoing @Faith-and-Hope's suggestion to you, @CheerBear. If it was me, I would immediately ring and withdraw consent to the lack of anonymity. Hugs to you. So sorry you are going through this.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Please try @CheerBear ...... it will take a little while for them to organise their communication with the organisation hopefully, which gives you a window to take this action. Please call them and try.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I don't think so @Faith-and-Hope. I don't know how to get hold of him. Thinking brain is turning on - I guess it can't really get much worse than it is with the house anyway. It's not like kicking us out of the program is an option unless they want to help find us another house, which is what we need anyway. I think the housing organisation knowing how bad things are for us is a minor issue really in the bigger scheme of worries.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Even if I could get hold of him, he said they'd know who I was based on my answers anyway @Mazarita and @Faith-and-Hope. Ugh 😞

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

ohh @CheerBear, we are with you

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, it seems unlikely that the result of this would be you getting kicked out of the house. If they were able to find you a new one, all the better. But I don't really understand any of the details of what you went through today. So really, just sending love, support and strength to help you deal with the aftermath of emotions you are feeling just now.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you for being here. My brain is just in total scrambled mode I think. I hate that all of this has happened and speaking about it like that shakes me up. The worry about them finding out, is a whatever worry. I did it so they could see that this program has failed us and will hopefully take that on board. Nothing can change what's happened, but maybe voicing it can make a teeny bit of difference to what might happen one day.

I'm going to get that coffee and sit in the sun for a bit hoping things settle just a little bit soon. I did the hardest thing I had on my to do list this week and I survived, even if I'm feeling shattered right now.

Thanks again. The safe landing spot helps.
1,741 - 1,750 of 5,090