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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning, @CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising and other nesters. Just popping in to say hi on this new day. Hope the rest of it treats everyone well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Mazarita. It is a beautiful day here in sunny Sydney. I hope it is equally nice wherever you are.

@CheerBear I have to do a mad dash to get ready for my volunteering gig so I can't write a proper response to your post...but I wanted to say that I super hope things go well with your MH worker today. Remember that last time you shared how you were really travelling everything went super icky...but then it came super good and turned out to be a really positive thing. You got through the icky bit and it passed and then things were better than they were before the icky bit. I will be thinking of you today as you contemplate the scariness of sharing with your MH worker...and I will also be right there with you in your pocket or your handbag. You've got this.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wow - a whole day away from the forum!

Hi @Mazarita 🙂 How has your day been? Hope it's been a good one.

Hello @Phoenix_Rising - thank you for your message. I got the email tag while I was running between things. I felt so scared about talking to my MH worker today because, as you mentioned, the last time I was really open with her about feeling off like this, things got very very hard very quickly. It helped to remember that from hard they did get better again.

I was open and honest. I didn't need to say exactly where my head has headed this week, because I think she got it anyway. She helped me see that I am actually doing well and that it is ok and understandable that I am feeling like I am. I am going to speak about my feelings about CBT with my psych, and see whether we can work it out because it isn't working for me and I don't want to feel worse after my appointments than I already am before them. If my psych can't work out another way then I will talk to them about referring me to someone else, or I will explore those options myself. It was always going to be hard to end that relationship as it has gone for a long time and has been really helpful in the past. But I know that it was always going to have an end point, and maybe I have reached the point where it isn't helping me anymore and it's time to move on. I haven't heard back from them yet, which means my next appointment is likely to be three weeks away. I have time to think about how to have this tricky but possibly really helpful conversation.

My appointment today was scary but it has helped. I'm doing everything I can and it's all positive, helpful stuff. And that's really all I can do at the moment.

Hope the day has been good for everyone in the nest and that your volunteering gig (my phone auto inserts 'gig' after volunteering now :P) was fun @Phoenix_Rising. I'm getting there with the psychiatrist and picked up hair for them today (a super huge clearance yarn that's kind of cool!). Woohoo 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello @CheerBear

Hello @Phoenix_Rising, @Mazarita, @Maggie, @mudsum

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Shaz51! Hope you're well x

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Shaz51 and @CheerBear
Also hi @Phoenix_Rising , @Mazarita , and @Maggie ❣

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member 🙂 How's your day been today?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear

A much worse day today -- just trying to not keep tumbling down. No particular reason either! Just one of those days, I suppose.

How are you CheerBear? ❣❣

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ohhh sending you lots of tender hugs @Former-Member

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Shaz51 - I think I might just need them ❣❣
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