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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just realised I wrote rug not blanket. I'm not sure where that came from. I was thinking blanket as I wrote it.
Sorry for the confusion!!!
Kitten is very well, she has been demanding cuddles and laps all night. Makes me feel very loved. ❤️ 🐱

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, hair has been long and blonde for many years now. Before that I had it darkest brown for many years. Natural colour before I went grey and white was light-mid-brown. I sometimes wonder what we all look like and it's fun to speculate. In another way, it's a beautiful thing that we can connect so deeply with others without knowing that.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's funny for my brain to read @Mazarita (your long blonde hair). I really enjoy speculating and imagining people here too. It's why I so much enjoy photos of people's real things/places etc here, because it puts some 'real' in it for me. I love the way we can connect too, and find the different ways we do it so cool!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, everyone here, I'm off to bed now. Sleep well all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sleep well @Mazarita 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

here but not here, following as best as i can, and eager to hear the results of the 100th therapist journey of @Phoenix_RisingPhoenix_rising.

hi's to everyone. ;}

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum, I am so pleased you dropped by and let us know you are here even when you are not.

Thanks for taking an interest in the saga of my therapist shopping. I am SUPER struggling with this adventure.

@CheerBear, did you decide against posting your big vent? I am currently struggling with my attitude towards psychologists in general. Here's a puzzle for everyone in the nest...

I have had a couple more people ask me to help them with the stats aspects of getting through a psychology degree. I don't advertise at all, but people still seem to find me through word of mouth. The thing is, I am beginning to feel really resentful that I am helping these people become psychologists. I feel especially resentful when they are already psychologists and are doing their masters to become clinical psychs. I had someone message me this evening and I will have to contact her in the morning. I think I need to try and focus on the fact that they aren't ALL useless and just super try to seperate out my feelings from the fact that these people are willing to pay me and given I'm poor, this is a really good thing.

I also struggle to come up with a reasonable answer when they ask me what I am doing post-uni. I really need help to come up with a good response to that question.

Sigh...it does feel yuck dealing with psychologists in this capacity while at the same time dealing with so much distress caused by other psychologists in my role as a client. Yep, this hurts my brain...

Anyway, I super hope everyone is enjoying the snuggly safeness of the nest tonight.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum 🙂 hope you're going ok

@Phoenix_Rising I have my post here but wasn't sure whether it was a good idea to post it, given it is a venty post. I want to get it out though because it isn't going away and I am overthinking it now. After reading your post and being able to empathise and understand why you're feeling like you are, maybe I will post mine too.

I would say that I am taking time out to work on myself if I was asked that question. The very few times I have had contact with people from pre big bang who are outside of the bubble, that's been my response.

I would struggle a lot with that puzzle of yours.

Here's a bit of a puzzle in return. Something that can set my anxiety off pretty big time is if I post a venty or fairly detailed post and it makes it's way to the top of the next page of a thread. I almost hold my breath waiting for the thread to get busy enough for it to get to the page after it. So I am looking at how many replies there are on this page and even if I was to post my post I am worried that it will make it to the top of page 150 now. Ah banana/melted snowflake brain sure does make things tricky sometimes.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear, I super like the line "I'm taking time out to work on myself." I will have to rehearse that line!

I am getting sleepy, but if you want to post your post in the next few minutes, we could then back and forth random posts to get to the next page if you want to???

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think I have worked out that it is ten posts per page of a thread @Phoenix_Rising, which means that this post should hit the top of p150 . I am testing this idea now

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