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I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.
In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.
Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.
I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.
Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.
@CheerBear WOW your crochet is stunning. Love the colours and patterns, looks soft as. Well done. Seems everyone's been in the dark, I did manage to wash up, ran out of dishes to be honest, oh well... Glad you are feeling a weenie bit better.
@Phoenix_Rising I read your. I'm amazing thread this afternoon, you are amazing. I really hope therapist no 11 is the one, fingers and toes crossed for Wednesday.
@Mazarita Happy hair colouring. I ended up with green once..oops!!!!
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Awwwww thanks @Maggie. I know you get how hard it is to find a good therapist. Here's hoping therapist-take-eleven is the one.
I hope you have had a nice weekend.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Thank you @Phoenix_Rising🙂
I was wondering what day your appointment was this week. I can see how scary it might feel and how tricky it might be leading up to it and hopefully not after it too, but maybe. I really hope that this psychologist is helpful. Have you decided what socks you're going to wear?
I thought heaps about you and A this weekend, as it's taken a few days for me to settle after my appointment, which I haven't really done yet. It hurts and is so tiring and I can't imagine being able to tolerate it as long as you have.
I will have my ducky toes crossed for Wednesday and will be here waiting to hear about it if/when you write.
In response to: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear, thanks for your kind feelings for me. I'm back again now after the shower, a new beige-blonde woman. It was a touch up but a significant job since I hadn't done it for months. Hair colouring is not exactly my idea of fun, kinda get annoyed with the messy process. But afterwards, I feel better for having done it and that feeling lasts for quite some time. So I'm very glad that I managed to get myself to do this tonight!
Edit: @Phoenix_Rising, @Maggie, somehow managed to miss your messages before I posted this reply to CB. My hair colour is not radical. It's a carefully chosen colour to blend well with the whites and greys that inevitably appear when I leave the re-colouring job too long (I always do that!) Thanks for the good wishes! Keeping my fingers crossed for you with your new therapist.
In response to: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi Nest-ers,
My brain can't process all the writing and reading I'd need to do to keep up with the site and everyone, so I can't really contribute.
But I just wanted to say "Hi" and see how everyone is.
@CheerBear that rug is AMAZING! I'd love to do one like that one day.
Hi @Phoenix_Rising and @Maggie and @Mazarita - hope you're all well.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@CheerBear was it a difficult appointment that has made the past few days so challenging for you? That super sucks. I have been thinking a LOT lately about whether I could ever get through the process of becoming a psychologist, and whether I would be any good at it if I could. I know that if I was to have any chance of becoming a psychologist, I need to deal with my own muddle first...which I know I could do...if only I could find a good psychologist!!!
What socks am I going to wear? Hmmm...I will have to think long and hard about that...oh wait, no I don't. Quack.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Phoenix_RisingSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @Former-Member,
You seem to have arrived in the nest just as I'm starting to fade for the night. Don't feel bad about trying to keep up with everything happening in Forum Land - it is an impossible task. I am working at limiting my time on here a bit as I find it quite addictive. I think part of the trick is sticking to a few threads and accepting that it is simply impossible to keep up with what's happening for everyone.
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
MazaritaSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
Hi @Former-Member, I get what you are saying about how we can feel pressured to read and respond a lot on the forum. It's worth remembering that the forum is mainly here for you to access as it suits you. Lots of members pop up only occasionally, when they have a particular reason to post. Others may be more frequent but just pop in and out of the flow of a discussion as it is going along. I certainly don't engage with everything. We are only human.
How's your night been?
In response to: Re: I'm in a nest
Unknown userMember
Re: I'm in a nest
Thanks @Phoenix_Rising, I hope you have a nice and snuggly nap this evening.
I'm struggling keeping up with just this one!
When I'm not feeling well, my brain goes to mush and I can't read well. But I do often think about people in the nest, I love the idea of figuratively being able to hide in a nest when I need it. And it's so lovely that there are all of you here too.
In response to: I'm in a nest
CheerBearSenior Contributor
Re: I'm in a nest
@Former-Member - thanks for your comment about the blanket 🙂 The pattern is written in the most helpful way for any level of crochet with really clear and detailed youtube videos for every stitch to help if you need. It's very time consuming but equally rewarding.
I really enjoy seeing you come past the nest 5-HT, and the idea that you visit sometimes just to hang out and sit for a bit. How are you going? Hope you and cat are going well.
@Mazarita - yay for getting it done! It does feel good to have hair that you're comfortable with I think 🙂 As a random thing I have pictured you with dark hair for aa long as we've been chatting, so this has thrown me 😛
@Maggie thank you too 🙂 The dark has seemed to be present for many here this weekend. Well done on getting the washing up done. That chore is so annoying! I have been melting some lovely wax scents lately and have a cherry one to try tomorrow. As another smelling person, I thought you'd appreciate how nice it is to be playing around with them.
@Phoenix_Rising yep it was an appointment that has been behind the past few challenging days. I think I will hit post on one of my unposted posts about it because thinking about it and going over and over it isn't helping me. I'll write it as a separate post and will give you the heads up now that there's a very good chance I will blurt out my feelings about psychology, which given the appointment you have coming up, I hope won't be tricky to read. I will make sure my duck socks are ready to go tomorrow for yoga and Wednesday for your appointment too. I wish Big W here had more than one pair!
I'm going to put some washing on and then post about this muddle I think. Hope everyone who is off to bed or in bed already, sleep well.
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