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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @Former-Member. I thought about you today while I was sitting in an ED cubicle, imagining what you've been through before, knowing it hasn't all been good for you either.

@Phoenix_Rising thank you too. I'm scared of venting too much. I'm scared that if I open my mouth (or let my fingers go off on my phone keyboard) that I won't be able to stop and that I will go too far. I saw so much wrong today and it took SO much for me to sit quietly through it. After saying only yesterday how minutes of being exposed to triggery things is often too much for me, I sat through hours of it today and am ok. I know I can do this when it counts and that's my personal good in the bad today. I'm going to try and focus on that for the rest of the night now.

I am guessing that this afternoon is tricky for you @Phoenix_Rising and just wanted to tell you I care and that I'm thinking of you. I look forward to a time when we change the world.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I had a smile when you said to @Phoenix_Rising i look forward to the time when we change the world. My counsellor always says to me.. When we rule the world, things will be different....

As I haven't read the thread I don't know what your project is, it sounds great, colours and soft, and original. Any pics or is it a secret???? I'm plowing through a cross stitch, I've been on this one for two years, phew, I've never taken this long before.

Sleep well nesters, thinking of you sending warm wishes.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Maggie I like that your counsellor says that. It's a nice thing to picture 🙂

I've been looking at cross stitch on my Spotlight adventures, but haven't ever tried as it seems too fiddly and intricate for me and I'm almost certain I am too clumsy for sharp anythings. I'm a big craft of any kind fan. Wow two years is some dedication! I'd love to hear about it or see a photo if you'd like to share.

My biggest project took me lots of months and that was long enough for me. It's what I recently finished and have started a new one of recently. This is the one I did first.

My new thing is the same design, just with completely different yarn in a totally different colour scheme (in an actual colour scheme) and it's super soft, fluffy and thick, so it looks very different already. I took a photo of the yarn yesterday because it was so cool to have it all.

They're the colours I'm using this time. I'll take a photo of the blanket soon. I'm already up to the first bobble stitches (the ones in the bright blue in the finished one) so it is coming along much quicker than the last one.

Hope you sleep well too Maggie.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear That is super impressive that you could sit with your friend in the ED, see everything that was wrong, and not react to the wrongness. I can't imagine doing that.

Bluebay was talking on her thread yesterday about how her psychiatrist won't allow between-session contact and that was enough to get me very fired up. I simply do not understand how it is that the "professionals" can be so clueless.

I wasn't really having a particularly bad afternoon today, you know. When I asked Lunar for a hug, I was just starting to feel the beginning of the big anxious feelings and it is SO GOOD to be able to "reach out" at THAT point BEFORE it goes into a big muddle. After all the awfulness of a bazillion awful experiences, I find it SO amazing that the SANE guys seem to actually understand the value of a simple "I'm here, you are not alone" type response BEFORE things go arse-up. And to me, this kind-of ties in with the issue of therapists not providing between-session contact. They seem to think that doing so will lead to dependency, when in fact the opposite is true - when someone knows the support is there if needed, they are paradoxically better able to cope without it.

We definitely need to change the world @CheerBear...and it sounds like @Maggie is going to join us in the venture.

I heard on the radio the other day that there was a fifty million dollar lotto draw and I was daydreaming about what I would do if I won it (which I wouldn't since I don't actually buy lotto tickets ). I would keep enough to provide for myself, and then I think I would give the rest to SANE so that they could use it to change the world. But I wouldn't just give it to them...they'd have to tell me what they were planning to use it for and then I would fund super cool ideas. So basically I'd be the boss and they could do all the work.

I would still super like to create drop-in centres. Maybe I would fund a property for SANE to set up a drop-in centre. It would be super nice with gardens and lots of animals. Rockpool, Pebbles, Lunar, Suzanne and NikNik would all work there and do all the people stuff, and I would play in the garden and look after all the animals. I seriously need to start buying lotto tickets...

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think your blanket is so super amazing @CheerBear. I never quite got around to posting on your thread where you told the story of it, but I did read it.

Your comment about not being safe with sharp things made me giggle because I have a very funny picture in my head of a care bear fumbling with a needle.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi everybody ..... 🤗💕

@CheerBear you are seriously inspiring me with your crochet work. I haven't done anything substantial for years, but I am thinking to start again. I starting crocheting blankets dmfor each of my kids' beds when they were small, but we encountered too much turbulence and U didn't get past the first one. Time to start into it again, I think .... unfinished business ..... only now they are old enough to speak up about what they want.

Craft is art and art is craft ..... 👍

I knitted a blanket for my daughter's marriage bed. I sm going to find a beautiful silky yarn and crochet some flowers to stitch onto it.

💜🌷💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising - I'm sitting with a big venty reply post practicing my calm before I hit post. I think I'll dream of 50 million dollars while I keep my calm a little longer. I felt you with me today (TT was in my handbag as always) knowing you were there even when you weren't and that you would be seeing it too. I appreciate that so much.

@Faith-and-Hope big smiles here reading that 🙂 Having handmade blankets for BDs and LF is pretty special. Two of mine have one. I feel guilty that my middle has one that is far from finished, though I will get there when the time is right and keep chipping away at it when I can. Adding crocheted flowers to the knitted blanket is a lovely idea. Hope you enjoy getting back into it when you do 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I am impressed. That is something else. You have trouble with sharp objects, I look like I'm gardening when I crochet!!!!! I try everything craft also, not painting though, but I am painting stones atm. The cross stitch has taken this long because of depression and lack of concentration, I usually wiz through them, getting back into it now. Sleep well.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

Thank you for your lovely morning message. I've only just found space in the day to reply. I loved the image of the fine rain in the streetlight and felt special that you were writing your impressions to me at that wonderful time of day.

Yes, I will keep going to art group. It was lowkey in a good way and enjoyable. I went to the same centre to do laughter yoga today, second time there. Lots of smiles, a bit of stretching and breathing, and, not surprisingly, laughs!

So great to see your blanket again, and to get a sneak preview of the new yarn. Beautiful!

Hi too to @Former-Member, @Phoenix_Rising, @Maggie, @Faith-and-Hope and other nesters. Hope everyone sleeps well tonight.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Mazarita .... 🤗💕

So glad you enjoyed the art group ......
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