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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sounds like you'vehad a a busy week and it's only Tuesday glad noodle is better

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi everyone,

Wow, it sounds like you had another successful adventure today @CheerBear.

The housing situation super sucks. I imagine the 12-month mark since the big bang will be a tough time and it sucks that things will probably still be up in the air. I struggle with the fact that it is now two years since the final show-down with "Fred" that marked the end of our...well...whatever-it-was-type-relationship and I haven't made it to first base in terms of figuring out that muddle or moving forward. Being stuck in muddy ground is SUPER frustrating. Still, I'm pretty sure we won't be stuck forever will we @CheerBear? Finding our way out of the mud might be much MUCH slower than we might like, but so long as we just keep on keeping on, I don't think we can be stuck in the same space forever. I'm SUPER glad that if I have to be stuck in the mud, at least I have a not-friend to hang out with in this muddy ground.

I had a total nothing day today. Could yesterday's adventure really have wiped me out that much? Big feelings are exhausting - even positive big feelings. I think the big scared feelings and then the big empowered feelings overflowed my brain. Oh well, it was worth it. I guess we have to expect that brain-fixing will be pretty tiring - brains are pretty complex things to fix.

I have a big changing-the-world type adventure tomorrow that involves a trip into the city. I am really looking forward to it. Even though I know it will totally exhaust me, it is just what I need to motivate me to get out of the darn house. The adventure is only for a couple of hours, but I will spend the day in the city. I know I will really enjoy it and it will do me good to spend the day out and about. I think I will take TBKTS to read on the train.

Night @CheerBear and all nesters.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Night @Phoenix_Rising hi @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising - I crashed massively last night. I think the adventures wiped me out in a similar way. It took SO much to go on Monday and after carrying over the post adventure 'on a roll here' feeling through yesterday, I was wrecked by the afternoon. I think it's worth it too, but the short term stuff is hard work. The 12 month mark is going to suck enormously. I really hope that I have some form of concrete moving forward plan in action by then. I very much appreciate the company while I'm stuck in the mud.

Hope you enjoy your adventure today. I love the thought of you out and about on a changing the world type mission. I hope it's not too hard on you.

Hi @Pepsimax. Hope your morning starts well and your day ahead is good 💛

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I am waiting for the train to take me to the change-the-world adventure. I bet you can't guess what socks I am wearing! 😆

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Woohoo! I'm wearing penguins which will be my back up lucky ducks, and have cats as a back up for the back up 😄

Good luck and have fun @Phoenix_Rising!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good evening nest dwellers.

I had a super nice day today. This morning I went into the city for a change-the-world type adventure. That went for a couple of hours and wasn't too scary. Then after I finished changing the world, I impulsively decided to jump on a ferry to Manly. It was super fun. For anyone not from Sydney, the ferry trip from the centre of the city to Manly takes about half an hour and takes you right past the harbour bridge and the Opera House. I bought fish cocktails for lunch, followed by chocolate gelato...well changing the world is hungry work!

It felt really nice to have a reason to get out of bed this morning and being out of the house all day and by the water really helped my mood. I definitely need to make more effort to get out of the house.

I hope everyone else had a good day today too.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That sounds awesome @Phoenix_Rising. You put a smile on my dial reading it.

I haven't been changing the world but had a good appointment today with my psychiatrist that I was dreading. I derailed a bit on Monday. Ended up for a few hours in ED after a mishap of SH. Bet you are not surprised to hear it was a centrelink mishap that sent me overboard. However I was so pleased that she saw it as a mishap and I wasn't punished for it which has been my experiences a bit in the past. I have a new care coordinator too who was also on the same page so I'm feeling a little more empowered and not so bad. I was expecting consequences that would have been very annoying and troublesome but they didn't happen.

@CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising, I love the sock stories. I have a pair of green tree frog socks that are pretty cool. Mind you they are a couple of decades old now but I only wear them occasionally so not worn out yet.

So I'm finally in the nest feeling ok again. I hope all nesters are going ok and hopefully had good days too. 💜🤗💐
🐢💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've got Eeyore socks .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear@Faith-and-Hope@Former-Member@Phoenix_Rising@Pepsimax And everyone else. I'm impressed with all your activities, I have to throw myself out the door but.....I did get up to the snow on Saturday. I have a friend going through a hard time, she needed to get away, so she pointed the car in the right direction and magic. 3-4 inches of freshly fallen snow, it was like wonderland. Snow resting on trees, high above the world. Even the drive in was like going through a tunnel of trees, deep dark Forrest. Glad I went. Anyway, thinking of you all, I read but not always good at responding. Glad Noodle is doing better @CheerBear. Night all.

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