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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member,

That must have been terrifying seeing your dad collapse like that. Are you with him at the hospital? How is he now? I hope the doctors are able to figure out what is going on super soon.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

💐🌷💕 @Former-Member .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Basically he was talking and began slurring then collapsed and started drooling.. so it was thought at first that it may have been a stroke. But.. luckily, that has been ruled out. Don't know quite yet. I am not in hospital with him, he wants to be left alone. Hopefully will figure it out soon @CheerBear @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thinking of you @Former-Member

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

thank-you @CheerBear really need it right now 😞

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Have you had any news @Former-Member?

😞

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Not being told much 😞 Seems like it is something combined with him not taking his medication after having a heart attack a few years ago & his sleep apnea.. Just really frustrating to say the least. I am so so so very shaken still, I keep replaying what happened last night in my head. Him just becoming non-responsive like that out of blue. It is nothing like I have ever witness before. I thought he just died on the spot. There was a lot of screaming and panic in my household.. None of us could stomach dinner afterwards with ambulance coming.. and the qhole scenerio. I didn't sleep at all and still can't shake off the images @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member sorry I didn't reply last night. I read your post really late.

I hope you have some answers today. Waiting would be so hard 😞 I also hope you managed to sleep last night. That really does sound very frightening for you all.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

thanks @CheerBear xx
The agony is real

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon anyone reading 🙂

Two days in to the week and so far I've stuck to the plan as part of operation get some routine in the week. I did yoga last night and today I've been to a local knitting group (as a crocheter). Last night was very scary and today's adventure felt like a walk in the park in comparison. As I guessed might be the case, I was very much an odd one out today but it didn't seem to matter. It's a very small group and some have been going for 10+years. We discovered I am the age of the grandchild of a woman who was there which was kind of funny. I spent most of the couple of hours today working on my new big big project (the one with the totally delicious yarn) and just listened to the chats. It was very calming and nice to have the company for something that I would probably be doing but on my own at home anyway. I think a few of them have lived in the area for ages and know so much about what's on, what's happened, when and where. It was pretty cool.

So that's two new things so far with another coming later in the week, and the invitation to tag along at a crochet little bags for tiny marsupials, group if I would like to go this week too.

My CM told me there's a 6-12 week wait just to get my name on the list for the housing organisation that I am really hoping will help us find somewhere more secure to live. I'm big time shattered about this so I'm really glad I'm staying busy this week. The idea that 12 months post big bang will roll around and I'll possibly/probably still be living feeling like everything is up in the air and there's no ground to land on and start rebuilding, is too much for my heart and brain. I know it isn't a long time to wait, but added to the already big amount of time that's passed, it is to me. I did get a call today from an organisation reviewing the program we are currently housed under, asking for an interview. I couldn't have said yes quicker if I had tried. That should happen next week and will be very important to me, even if it makes no difference and is just another lip servicey box checky thing that's happening.

Noodle has been totally fine and I haven't heard a sneeze or seen a leaky eye again today. I think it's passed and this is hugely great news.

Hope today is going well for everyone. Wondering how you are all going. I would tag you and ask but I don't like tagging in to posts like this often. Thinking of lots of you here in forumland.
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