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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Can you make it a day where you celebrate your friend ?

@Pepsimax

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's great that you have some time to work out something for that day @Pepsimax. I like the idea of doing something to celebrate your friend like @Faith-and-Hope suggested. Hope your appointment this morning goes well for you

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Great work with the car @CheerBear I'm pleased it worked out so well. 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Maggie, kudos is when you get 3 or more likes I think?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I super super SUPER love how positive you sounded in your post this morning. I am super happy that your car is fixed. I agree that having a trustworthy mechanic is a big deal. I still travel across Sydney to where I used to live, to get my car serviced because I know I can super trust that mechanic.

I love that you have got on with operation get-some-routine. I also love that you have the habit of calling things "operation" - I do that too. The community groups you have found sound like a perfect fit for you and I am super impressed that you have also scheduled bike riding into your week. Hmmm...methinks I'm going to have to think about what I can do to "compete" in the self-care stakes.

I'm glad you and the LF were able to have a super fun day yesterday...even though it also meant a super sad goodbye at the end. It super super SUPER sucks that you can't all get together as much as you used to.

So...are you sure you want to do the yoga adventure on Monday? It is absolutely totally 100% fine by me if we postpone it a week. Or I can be the trail blazer and start a week before you. I definitely don't want you to feel pressured to go on Monday. I haven't booked in or anything yet so it is totally fine. And even if you change your mind after I book in, that will still be totally fine. This is supposed to be FUN, not stressful.

My day has been VERY average. It has been a lie-on-the-floor day. I am REALLY not sure about this new psychologist. I've arranged for (A) to call this evening because I am struggling so much with it. The thing is, even though I totally know that (A) and I aren't working, I do still have an attachment to her, and as we all know from CherryBomb leaving, I don't do leaving/grief well. I am telling myself that there is no harm in trying the new psychologist. I will be seeing her under ATAPS so it won't cost me anything. If I really don't like her, or I find I really can't cope with starting over again, then (A) and I will just keep on keeping on. I definitely didn't get the sense that I am likely to click with the new psychologist like I did with my uni counsellor. I actually feel quite yuck...but it is super hard to know why that might be. It could be that my brain is so puddled EVERYBODY feels scary and unsafe. That's why, especially given I won't have to pay, it makes sense to try doesn't it. If it all goes arse-up maybe that will in some weird paradoxical way improve my relationship with (A). I feel super scared. I am super glad that you and all of Forum Land are there with me in this latest chapter of my muddle.

I hope your quiet day was peaceful and restful.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Maggie, Wow that would be a big effort reading through this thread. Here, let me summarise it for you: @CheerBear got into a muddle with some helping-people who weren't so helpful and caused a whole lot of stress and ickiness and her brain got puddled. But after a whole lot of puddle and muddle, CheerBear found helpful helping people at a rest place and now CheerBear is well on her way to de-puddling her brain with lots of ups and downs and puddles and muddles and muddy holes and annoying curve balls all making it a superly duperly giant yet overcome-able challenge. And I just cruise along for the ride...

There you are. Now you're up-to-date.

I have always wondered about the kudos vs liking thing too. I wondered if it was something to do with the device that was used.

I hope you've had a nice day @Maggie.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello to everyone in the nest today; @Former-Member @TheVorticon @Faith-and-Hope @Pepsimax. I hope you have had a nice day nesting.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey phoenix_rising.

How r u???

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

I wish I could be snuggling in the nest tonight, but I have an exam tomorrow so I'm studying.

I think I might be in the nest late tomorrow night, until then I have to put on my shell and pretend everythign is okay. Stupid uni.

How are you today? How are the rest of the nesters?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Super quick pop past between fish feeding and showering.

@Phoenix_Rising - so keen on Monday. I love that somehow we've managed to encourage other to do this, even though we're anonymous online not-friends, to the point that we've found a way to do this together but not. I wish my class was the same time because that would be seriously cool, but this one is a teeny bit later than yours so you'll be getting out a little before I head there. I have found someone to have the fish, now all that's left to do is make sure a space ist available which I'll try and do tomorrow. This is exciting (and very scary!)

I'm nervous for you about this next person but also really hopeful that one way or another it will be positive. Are you able to give them an initial or a 'name'? I'm sorry your day has been a very average lie on the floor day. I can understand feeling grief at the thought of ending a relationship with someone you have an attachment to. I'm glad we're all here for each other through the ups and downs.

You do violin, volunteering, reading and soon yoga. You're nailing self care 😄

Hi @mudsum - hope you're going well 👋

Good luck tomorrow @Former-Member!

Have a good night everyone 😊
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