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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi all nesters 😊👋

just wanted to wish you good luck for your exams @Former-Member. I'll be crossing my fingers and toes for you but I probably won't have to because I reckon you've got this. Not long now and you can breathe again.

@CheerBear I'm glad the car is fixed. I need to do mine too desperately. I'm so scared because I know I'm in for a huge bill too.

@Phoenix_Rising I'm glad you are working through your newest muddle. I really hope this one is a winner.

As for DBT I missed last week as I was so far down my hole and this week was cancelled. It's going ok. We are doing interpersonal effectiveness skills and I keep chickening out of my homework task of trying to sort out a problem with someone using DEAR MAN. The group is good but I'm just not picking things that are easy for me to follow through with, sometimes logistically. It's also a bit embarrassing because you have to report to the group how you go with it. It's a bit hard when I haven't been able to do that bit. I can do the worksheets though. I'm enjoying the learning .

Life this week has been remarkably stable by my standards 😄. Nothing good or bad has happened.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I can see how homework could be hard logistically sometimes @Former-Member but I'm glad you're finding it is going ok and you're enjoying parts of it. I honestly think you're really brave going along to it! Yay for a stable week 😄 That's pretty awesome!

Hope your week ends well Teej 🙂

Nighty night everyone. Hope you're all snuggling safe and sound 💗

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear,

hoping you sleep well and have a lovely day tomorrow with the Lf. 💜🤗💐😴

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member I hope your exam goes well today. Maybe you can come along to Friday Feast this evening to celebrate it being over.

@mudsum I am just keeping on keeping on. I think I saw you post on the wave thread so you probably know by now how things have been going for me. It's all a super gigantic muddle, but what can I do except just keep swimming, right!

@Former-Member I'm glad to hear that DBT is going ok. I can definitely see how it would be hard sharing in the group. The "interpersonal effectiveness" module is the one that I have re-read most often in the manual. I tend to re-read it whenever I have to deal with a difficult interpersonal situation. Next to my home phone I have a sign that says "objective, relationship, self-respect." It reminds me what I need to focus on when making a difficult phone call. Usually any calls I make are focused on achieving an objective so I remind myself that it's ok if I don't like the person or the person doesn't like me, I'm not trying to be friends with them, I just need to achieve my objective.

@CheerBear I am SUPER excited (and terrified) about us going to our first yoga class "together" on Monday. My class is 6pm - 7pm AEST. What time is yours (if you are ok sharing)? The place is only a very short drive from home. I anticipate that I will be ready to report in on the adventure somewhere between 7:30pm and 8:00pm AEST. So so so scary...but less so because I am doing it not-together with my not-friend.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I was just on the phone to the yoga centre when your email came through @Phoenix_Rising 😄 They're closed until Monday which is annoying because I like to know what I am doing but I guess I'll have to just work on letting this one be until Monday and then from there, whatever happens will happen. I realllllly hope I can get in to that one class and then switch over the next week but if I can't I'll just have to put it off a week. I feel silly that I misread the dates but in the big scheme of things it's not the end of the world. If I go I'll be leaving at about 7:30 so I'll miss the report but that will kind of add to the excitement of it all I guess. So scary but yay. My week is really busy and full of scary but hopefully good things next week. I've now got a financial counselling appointment to work out how I can put myself in a better position to afford a better car or get a loan for one one day. I also have my two groups that will be new and scary to start too, but this is good. If I don't like it at least I tried and can always try something else 🙂

Hope you've gone/are about to go well @Former-Member.

@mudsum - I read your post on the book club thread. I wish there was something I could say to make things feel better for you at the moment. I'm thinking of you lots 💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm living and loving your yoga adventures @Phoenix_Rising and @CheerBear. I won't lie and say I'm thinking of seeing if it's still run at out local community centre. I went a few years ago for a few sessions but it was a long way from my old house (20min drive). It's now two blocks away from my house. I went there as it was the cheapest by far in my vacininty and you could pay weekly. Maybe it would be good for me too. <br><br>My day is getting a bit crazy so I've jumped in the nest to breathe. I'm having a what good luck, what bad luck day. What good luck - Centrelink said they underpaid me and gave me some money I don't think I'm entitled to so I'm scared of what next. What bad luck - I found I forgot to tick the automatic renewal button for my security software. My computer no longer works and my ex was using it. $220 got taken out of my account so I freaked out. What good luck - they are offering to refund it. What bad luck S1 and his girlfriend are fighting and I feel stuck in the middle of it absorbing the kn-ife edge atmosphere. And so my day has done this from when I got up. Oh well I'm sure tomorrow won't be quite so crazy. <br>Hoping your exam was ok @Former-Member <br>Hi to all other nesters needing to breathe too. 👋<br>

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

What bad luck - I just had a shower and washed my hair. Went to get dressed.....no clean underwear 😳😳😳😳

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - that's what I call a very wonky day 😕 . I have to say I had a kind of giggle at reading the last post because for some reason I said it as if it was a tune and as it turns it it kind of rhymes so I guess it is. It would kind of make a good theme song for wonky/ good luck bad luck days.

I'm glad that there has been some good to counter the not-so good for you. Those kinds of days can be tiring and muddling in their own way. I hope it gets a little less up/down soon and you can relax and do something good for you tonight 🙂

It would be very cool to have you on a yoga adventure too! This is very exciting 😄

(Ps - inside out will buy you another night 😛 )

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear @Zoe7 @Former-Member @Shaz51 @Faith-and-Hope and everyone else I went well at the dr at the hospital today did some washing and slept this afternoon love to you all!!!!!!!!!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Pepsimax. Great to see you had a good and productive day. Possibly should have thrown some of my underwear in with your washing 😜.
Haha it did rhyme @CheerBear. Funny thing is I based that post on and old children's book about good luck and bad luck. Pretty sure the book rhymed.
As far as days go it's not awful but I just realised I needed to breathe from flipping from one emotion to the next. Not my forte at all, avoiding emotions is my area of expertise 😃.
I hope you've had a good day.
💜🤗💐
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