Good morning nesters 🙂
My car is fixed! I am so relieved. It cost a lot a lot, but a lot less than I had been quoted so it's a great outcome. It's definitely not going to last too long as it's getting on now, but if she can last a little longer maybe I will be in a better place to be able to get a loan. She was a gut feeling buy years ago (I didn't even take her for a drive) and she hasn't really let me down yet. Now that the big repairs have been done I have been told she's safe to drive as I want, and having that worry gone should really help me. The mechanic I saw was really great, and having a trustworthy local mechanic is a big deal (it's another thing that was lost in the big bang). Big win here!
As planned, I also began operation get some routine into my week, so I have found two community groups to join. One is a little yarn craft group so I can take my crochet project along and work on that with some company for a couple of hours, and the other is a crafty kind of group that makes things for charity. This sounds like a perfect balance of doing something for me (my own big project) and doing something for others. I have a feeling that I might be the youngest one in the first group by heaps as I remember coming across the group on an adventure earlier in the year, but am actually really looking forward to hanging out with them, so I hope the others don't mind me tagging along. I had a moment of freak out so I cleaned off the mud from my bike, put some air in the tyres and took it out for an hour and a half the other day too. It felt SO good to be back on it, even though it was totally freezing. I've mapped out my circuit and plan to go on it twice a week while I find my feet with this routine, and then add a third ride in a week once I have settled. I might even be able to add the third ride as a ride to one of the groups. So between my bike, the groups and yoga, my week looks good and full of constructive outlets for energy. Now I just have to stick to it and work appointments around it, as routine and structure are now a priority seeing as those red flags happened so massively. I don't want to fall apart again and will do what I can to make sure it doesn't happen.
I had a house full of LF yesterday as we spent the day with the only friends left from before. It's a family that has been so exceptionally wonderful at sticking through all the ups and downs including and all my attempts to shut them out. All the fish love all the other fish, and when we get together it's loud, intense and chaotic but lots of fun. It is always a mixed feelings thing as it feels so good when we are together, but it doesn't happen as often as it used to so it also hurts everyone to be reminded of what we used to have all the time (a couple of times a week) and now have rarely when it comes time to say goodbye. We took them to the movies then spent the day at home while they all played. There were big tears here from one and big tears on their end as well, and it's a fight not to fall into thinking about how much this all sucks, has changed our life, has hurt in so many ways, has so many parts that I just can't fix, and has cut big and deep. But it's the ups and downs that with practice we are all also getting better at riding out. I'm going to add it in again though because it's real - this really does suck a lot. Even though we had that down, mine told me last night that this has been the best school holidays for ages, so while it has been a bit hectic and messy inside me, I think as a whole we are doing ok in that respect.
Today is a quiet day and my plan is to try to get on top of the washing and mess. It's been a really big few days so quiet sounds good. Quiet might give my brain a break too, as it has definitely been suffering.
Hope today is a good day for you all

( p.s @Phoenix_Rising - so I have something completely CB of me to tell you and am whispering it here. Term starts on Monday but when I went to confirm the session yesterday, I noticed that the class I am supposed to be going to has the first week off. I don't know why and it threw me in to a total spin that I missed noticing it earlier, but I have a plan (this might make you laugh because it will show you how keen I am on doing this together but not). There is a beginner class at the same centre that runs that day we have planned. I am going to see if I can pull in a favor and have someone watch LF because it is at a time when they will be home. I was thinking that just for that one week I could jump in to that class and then start mine when that term starts. It seemed a bit like doing two scary firsts, although I can also see how if I do it this way it will be kind of like a test run so I can see the centre, figure out parking etc before the real go at it. It's also closer to the time you'll be at yours as well. I'll know today whether I can actually do it but if I can, that's the plan 🙂 )