FORUMS

Connect with people who understand what you are going through, seek advice and surround yourself with support. We're free, anonymous, and professionally moderated 24/7.

  • 47,612Members
  • 1,358,869Posts
  • 1,400,000Visitors
Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

1,311 - 1,320 of 5,090

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear Ok, I will start a new thread. And just to be super and unequivocally clear, I'm committing to a Yoga adventure next week. There will absolutely definitely be no Toga adventure!!!!

I was reading the chapter on yoga in TBKTS yesterday and I have a sense now of how TS yoga might differ to a regular class. I would definitely go to a TS class if it was available, but I'm pretty sure I will be ok.

That is SO frustrating about your car! Darn bank!!!! I super hope the mechanic can fix it enough to keep it running for ages. I totally get how super important it is to have a car. I would feel utterly stranded without mine.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I super hope the fact that you aren't here is because you are busy having a nice day with your LF. I know you are here even though you aren't here. I am here even though I'm not here too. I'm super glad we can be not-friends not here together.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning nesters 🙂


My car is fixed! I am so relieved. It cost a lot a lot, but a lot less than I had been quoted so it's a great outcome. It's definitely not going to last too long as it's getting on now, but if she can last a little longer maybe I will be in a better place to be able to get a loan. She was a gut feeling buy years ago (I didn't even take her for a drive) and she hasn't really let me down yet. Now that the big repairs have been done I have been told she's safe to drive as I want, and having that worry gone should really help me. The mechanic I saw was really great, and having a trustworthy local mechanic is a big deal (it's another thing that was lost in the big bang). Big win here!


As planned, I also began operation get some routine into my week, so I have found two community groups to join. One is a little yarn craft group so I can take my crochet project along and work on that with some company for a couple of hours, and the other is a crafty kind of group that makes things for charity. This sounds like a perfect balance of doing something for me (my own big project) and doing something for others. I have a feeling that I might be the youngest one in the first group by heaps as I remember coming across the group on an adventure earlier in the year, but am actually really looking forward to hanging out with them, so I hope the others don't mind me tagging along. I had a moment of freak out so I cleaned off the mud from my bike, put some air in the tyres and took it out for an hour and a half the other day too. It felt SO good to be back on it, even though it was totally freezing. I've mapped out my circuit and plan to go on it twice a week while I find my feet with this routine, and then add a third ride in a week once I have settled. I might even be able to add the third ride as a ride to one of the groups. So between my bike, the groups and yoga, my week looks good and full of constructive outlets for energy. Now I just have to stick to it and work appointments around it, as routine and structure are now a priority seeing as those red flags happened so massively. I don't want to fall apart again and will do what I can to make sure it doesn't happen.


I had a house full of LF yesterday as we spent the day with the only friends left from before. It's a family that has been so exceptionally wonderful at sticking through all the ups and downs including and all my attempts to shut them out. All the fish love all the other fish, and when we get together it's loud, intense and chaotic but lots of fun. It is always a mixed feelings thing as it feels so good when we are together, but it doesn't happen as often as it used to so it also hurts everyone to be reminded of what we used to have all the time (a couple of times a week) and now have rarely when it comes time to say goodbye. We took them to the movies then spent the day at home while they all played. There were big tears here from one and big tears on their end as well, and it's a fight not to fall into thinking about how much this all sucks, has changed our life, has hurt in so many ways, has so many parts that I just can't fix, and has cut big and deep. But it's the ups and downs that with practice we are all also getting better at riding out. I'm going to add it in again though because it's real - this really does suck a lot. Even though we had that down, mine told me last night that this has been the best school holidays for ages, so while it has been a bit hectic and messy inside me, I think as a whole we are doing ok in that respect.


Today is a quiet day and my plan is to try to get on top of the washing and mess. It's been a really big few days so quiet sounds good. Quiet might give my brain a break too, as it has definitely been suffering.


Hope today is a good day for you all



( p.s @Phoenix_Rising - so I have something completely CB of me to tell you and am whispering it here. Term starts on Monday but when I went to confirm the session yesterday, I noticed that the class I am supposed to be going to has the first week off. I don't know why and it threw me in to a total spin that I missed noticing it earlier, but I have a plan (this might make you laugh because it will show you how keen I am on doing this together but not). There is a beginner class at the same centre that runs that day we have planned. I am going to see if I can pull in a favor and have someone watch LF because it is at a time when they will be home. I was thinking that just for that one week I could jump in to that class and then start mine when that term starts. It seemed a bit like doing two scary firsts, although I can also see how if I do it this way it will be kind of like a test run so I can see the centre, figure out parking etc before the real go at it. It's also closer to the time you'll be at yours as well. I'll know today whether I can actually do it but if I can, that's the plan 🙂 )

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear@Phoenix_Rising@Former-Member@Former-Member@Shaz51 and everyone else. I'm still catching up on this thread, a slow reader. Durr. But just a question which I can't find info for. Some people tick the like button, and others send a kudos, how do you send a kudos???? Kudos to everyone !!!!! Enjoy your day

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning @Maggie 🙂

It's nice to see you here. I have no idea about the likes and kudos thing, and have wondered the same before. I am wondering whether the forum throws both around sometimes, just as a way of breaking up the notifications?

This is now a long thread and reading through it would take forever! You definitely don't need to catch up on it to be part of it. I know it can feel a bit strange jumping in to threads that seem to have ongoing conversations, but you're welcome to pick up from here 🙂

I found a new smelly candle for the house. It has rose, peach and jasmine. It's very floral and I don't usually like too flowery smelling candles but this one is really nice.

Hope you are having a nice morning Maggie

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning everyone .... 🤗💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear @Zoe7 @Shaz51 @Maggie @Phoenix_Rising @Faith-and-Hope and everyone else I have missed I am seeing my support worker at about 11am will be good to catch up I need her today feeling a bit down it is coming up to an anniversary of a friends death don't do rhis well great about the car @CheerBear

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Pepsimax 😊 Anniversaries are really hard. It's good to hear that you have your support worker today especially if you're feeling down. Have you got anything planned after? How are you feeling with the cold thing you started getting the other day? The car is a big stress gone for sure!

Hi @Faith-and-Hope 😊 Hope your day is a good one 💗


In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @CheerBear ....💕

Hugs to you @Pepsimax ..... please set up a lot of distractions for yourself. Are there people you can spend that anniversary day with out and about so you are not at home alone ?

💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear @Faith-and-Hope the anniversary isn't until the 31st July so I have time to work something out great plan
1,311 - 1,320 of 5,090