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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I'm doing a bit of a quick flyby tonight. I spent most of the day as a burrito lying on the loungeroom floor. However, on the bright side, once I finally got up at about 2pm, I managed to wash up, clean the kitchen floor and vacuum the house. Well done me.

It sounds like we are both going to have to be super brave tomorrow. I feel SO stuck. I am hopeful that tomorrow will go ok with (A). The pattern seems to be that after we have a horror session, the next one or two are ok. However, I can see that the relationship is too damaged now for me to have any hope of doing any sort of productive work with her. I know I need to try and find someone else...but I still have no idea how to find it in myself to do that. I feel trapped and afraid.

I super hope your tomorrow goes ok. Are you fish free now? It must be very quiet without the LF around.

So...the yoga adventure. I am very excited about doing this with you. I just checked the website of the place I'm looking at, and they have a class at 6pm on Mondays. I only just realised that I have to book into the class, but I don't know how far in advance I need to book. I might give them a call tomorrow and suss it all out.

I'm pretty sure yoga always happens without shoes on @CheerBear. The place where I'm planning to go has a very friendly looking website with a Q & A section which seems to be written for super scared people like you and me, and it says that you take your shoes off before going into the room.

Methinks EVERYBODY is scared when they go to their first class and spends ages psyching themselves up like we are. I super wish we could REALLY go together...but then we might end up giggling inappropriately...actually, I think even by myself, there is a chance I will giggle inappropriately.

I was reading on the other thread about your day of muddling through your car muddle. I hope you are able to have a peaceful night and rest your sore brain. I can definitely get how totally overwhelming this muddle would be. It is not fair at all that life keeps throwing you curve balls.

I am going to snuggle in your pocket again tonight. I super like snuggling in there. I super liked your comment (last night I think???) about how it was nice to have a little snoring turtle in your pocket. I see that as a super cute image in my brain. I think from memory I suddenly woke up all in a panic last night and posted on the wave thread. I find it SO helpful being able to reach out like that and know that someone will respond. It makes me feel MUCH less alone with my muddle.

Night @CheerBear. I am super glad that we are not-friends.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I know this is going to sound stupid but I am snuggling into your pocket for the night and I am super missing Squishy and Mr Seahorse (as in crying-type missing). Do you think maybe they could sleep in your pocket tonight too? I know it is my brain being overloaded with abandonment stuff triggered by what is going on with (A). I am not weird. I am having a normal reaction to an abnormal situation. My brain is just doing what it needs to do to make the unbearable, bearable. Thank you for being such a safe and understanding not-friend. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising - it doesn't sound stupid and I know you're not weird. Everyone can sleep together in my pocket. I'm on an adventure at the moment and will look forward to going to sleep knowing you're all snugging there.

I'm glad we're not friends @Phoenix_Rising. Sleep well 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I hope your appointment with A has gone well @Phoenix_Rising. I'm heading in to mine now. I had a big adventure last night and didn't get home until silly o'clock, but as I said would happen, everyone was snuggled in my pocket together.

Will be back properly later 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi all nesters.

@CheerBear I've been tunnelling under your nest for over week now trying to find the surface. It was kind of ironic that when I came on here the random page it took me to was the one where you had posted a torch and ladder to help me climb out of my last hole. I probably should have remembered they were still close at hand. I'm really surprised I didn't disturb anyone with all my tunnel creating. Anyway I'm up and out and breathing again for now.

Ive been following some ups and down and hope this finds whoever is in the nest ok. 💜🤗💐

and 🐢 💐

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I just lost a big post that I really wanted to post and i think I'm too wrecked to try again. It's been a very big couple of days and things are tricky is the short version. I might pick up a bucket to throw it all in and try again later.

@Former-Member - it's so great to see you. I've felt you in that tunnel and have been waiting to see you surface. I'm glad you're up and out and breathing again - that's a great thing and a big deal. I hope your house isn't too hectic and busy at the moment 💗😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Sorry you lost a post. It can feel like the most devastating thing sometimes @CheerBear. I hope your tricky things get less tricky in the next few days.

My son and girlfriend moved out this weekend gone by. It bought lots of different emotions for me. I have two sons and one girlfriend living here presently. It is quieter and not such a constant cue for the toilet or bathroom and less competitive pushing to get to the fridge 😳😂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Wow @Former-Member - that would definitely be a mixed emotions time. Lol re the bathroom! 😞 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member, glad to see you in the nest. It's pretty damn cosy in here. I like it.
Hey @CheerBear, just think of it as a run through, a chance to predigest your thoghts and feelings. I find for me, I can't really 'feel' or 'think' my feelings without writing them down. So whilst we can't read what you've been up to and provide support, perhaps it's good that you've had a change to process it, and get some 'unrelated' support too. You're deserving of support no matter what happens, good or bad. And you don't have to write anything to have our support.
Hey @Phoenix_Rising.... how have you been? I hope you're all safe and snug and warm in that pocket. I saw a little turtle knitting pattern a few days ago and thought of you. I thought I could knit you a bunch of sea creatures to hide under the waves with you.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member. I'm glad you find it cosy too. @CheerBear has done a spectacular job of making it cosy. How are you?
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