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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello @TheVorticon, how are you today

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member I do have a strong neck don't I. It must be all that standing on my head that I do.

@mudsum I am so sorry to hear you have had such a horrible time lately. The situation at work sounds awful. I'm glad you have such an amazing boss. I had a work-place incident a few years ago where police and ambulance were called, so I totally get how bad things can go sometimes. It is super super super horrible. I hope you get good support when you go back to work. I'm super pleased to see you back here in the nest. I missed you.

I'm glad your evening is shaping up to be brighter than your day @CheerBear. How cool is that rainbow flower that @Former-Member sent to the nest. Do you reckon it would taste like caramel?

I think having feet/flippers buried in mud is definitely better than having missing feet/flippers. It definitely super sucks that there is so much muddy ground around us. This time last week I was happily eating all I could eat, and now I feel totally broken again. But broken brains (and broken souls) can be mended, and I have a super snuggly pocket in a super snuggly nest to rest in while I sort out the brokenness.

I understand the sequence of your story better now @CheerBear. It SO sucks to get through one storm, only to be hit by another. It sounds like you are a bit short of support over the next few weeks with your counsellor away and a three-week wait for your psych appointment. I am guessing that perhaps you, like me, are SUPER grateful that Forum Land is always here. I know I couldn't get through another round of therapist shopping without the support I am getting here. I'm still not actually sure how I'm going to get through it - but I know I have a better chance of surviving the adventure with all the support I have here.

Hey... @CheerBear I think you mentioned yesterday that you are planning to go to the TS yoga in a couple of weeks? Maybe we should set the goal of going to our first yoga class "together". I am SUPER anxious about it so it could be cool to know we are both doing the scary first time thing together. What do you think??? I do feel quite comfortable in my new yoga outfit. I ended up getting a really light-weight men's shirt, rather than a singlet. That will help me feel more comfortable because a singlet would very much reveal where I self-harm. It seems to me that WHATEVER top I wear, it will ride up a bit when I stand on my head. I'm not sure if there is a secret to this, other than tucking it in??? Anyway, I'm guessing I won't be standing on my head in my very first class.

I'm super glad you and the LF were able to treat yourselves to something non-essential but super special. I love hearing about your LF very gradually getting back all the things that they so deserve. You are such an awesome mum.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @TheVorticon @Former-Member and @Shaz51, it is nice to see you here in the nest.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Phoenix_Rising, how are you today?
I'm nesting again cause my head is being ugly. It's funny, I'm feeling relaxed in my body, but my ear is being chewed off by the devil......
But I'm excited, my parents are going away soon and I'm thinking about all the things I can cook! Yay!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Phoenix_Rising - this is one of those not-posts as I have 1% left on my phone and my phone battery hates the SANE app. Plus the LF are busting to get started on this game. I love the idea of setting a joint yoga goal 🙂

I hope you sleep well tonight. By the time I come back I think you'll be in bed. I'll be here even when I am not 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I love that I got a not-post from my not-here not-friend. Yep, I will be crawling into your pocket sometime soon. I will fall asleep to the sounds of you and your LF laughing and having lots of fun with your game.

@Former-Member I have had a challenging day, but that's ok, the day is nearly done. I can hear how excited you are about your parents going away. It sounds like you are planning to cook up lots of super interesting dishes.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning nesters.

We had a really good night with lots of laughs and mucking around and it seemed everyone went to bed feeling happy 🙂

Hi @Former-Member - it's good to see you. What kinds of things do you plan on cooking while your parents are away?

@Phoenix_Rising - I think Friday's are your busiest day of the week. Is that still the same on school holidays too? Here lots of things stop during school holidays. I do love the idea of doing our first yoga scary thing together. Are you able/wanting to say when your first class is? I would love to jump into a class where they taught standing on your head striaght up, but I don't think it works that way either 😛 I'm planning on getting some plain tights and a singlet. I've put on heaps of weight lately, thanks to a medication also used as an apetite stimulant (and perhaps rediscovering my love of scones). It maybe isn't the worst thing because I'd all but stopped eating and had lost enough to be heading into potential dangerland. It's making me feel very self-conscious at the moment though so this clothes shopping and then wearing this type of clothes in front of people is scary. I really hope to get back out and on my bike soon but it's so cold that my fingers and hands can hurt just walking at the moment, so I see myself freezing when I ride. Yoga is a good start to feeling better in my body and exercising again I hope.

I am also very thankful that the forum is here, particularly while my big but sometimes gappy team isn't really here. I have one of those yuck but important appointments with a women's health nurse on Monday and will try to get in to the GP that morning too to work out whether anything can be sorted with my medication because I don't think it's working as well as it could or used to. I'll do the yoga clothes thing that day too, that way I can set aside a day to do difficult/scary things that feel like important steps towards being more healthy overall.

Nothing really on today except enjoying yesterday's replacement thing, which seems like a pretty good day to us here.

Hope today is good for you all 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear I have just found your nest. I will have to read and catch up so won't say much. I have a candle if you would like to share, I'm always walking into things down in my dark pit.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good Morning @CheerBear, @Phoenix_Rising :), @Maggie, @Former-Member 😄

Perfect blue sky here this morning 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's lovely to have you here @Maggie. I'd love to share a candle with you, thank you 🙂

Hello @Former-Member! Great to see you here too. Nice to hesr of your blue sky. It's very grey here but good weather for snuggling and rugging up.
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