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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

{Wanders into the nest and snuggles into @CheerBear's pocket for the night. Watching a movie with her and LF and cats sounds super super super snuggly and safe...just what this little turtle needs.}

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Ice Age 5. For a 5 it's actually pretty good @Phoenix_Rising. We're on the beanbag with a snuggly puffer fish to the side, cats by the heater in front of us, and big and middle under a blanket next to us on the lounge. It's nice to have you here with us tonight 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear it is superly duperly nice to be with you all. I am about to fall asleep. I feel snuggly and safe. Yay for oxytocin. 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning to anyone coming past the nest 🙂

We've spent the last few days inside because it has been icy cold and raining. These holidays are always tricky as the weather makes it hard for us to get out and about. We're heading out today to find some indoor things to occupy everyone though, so hopefully that breaks up the day a little. I am enjoying having them home and they're loving pj days and slower mornings.

I have to change around the usual things I do during the week (appointments etc) because most of it isn't appropriate to be doing with and around LF. The whole house finding thing has to be put on hold for the holidays because I'm not telling the kids until I've actually found a house as the uncertainty of it all probably won't do them any good. I'm trying my hardest to be ok with putting this on hold. I badly want to feel secure in a home so this feels a bit like waiting on the starting blocks of a big race for a very very long time. It sucks but it is what it is and in the long run life will be better for it.

@Phoenix_Rising - I hope you enjoyed Ice Age 5 😄 I didn't get to ask you because I fell asleep early last night which was awesome. I think I heard you snoring though so maybe you fell asleep too. I hope you slept well.

@mudsum - how are you going? Have you got LF on holidays too?

@Former-Member - thinking of and missing you often. I hope you're ok.

@Former-Member - how have you been getting on the last couple of days?

Having another cuppa and then I'll face getting them up and going for the day. They don't want to move but they'll (hopefully) enjoy it once we're out. Hope today is good for you all 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear!

I'm not doing too badly. Uni work is a horrendous and horrible experience right now. But this will pass and I will go back to loving it...... when all these assessments are over!!!

My head has been nicer to me too, not so much yelling and feeling a little bit more normal. Still needing a bit of a nest and a teddy though.

School holidays in winter were always fun - movies, computer games, perfect weather for a hike. I hope you enjoy your time with the lf.

I also wish you luck with the housefinding when they go back to school - I'm not sure I know the back story, but I do know how hard it can be not living in a secure position.

I wish you all the best as I snuggle in the nest in my leggings with a cup of coffee and my teddy.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Former-Member 🙂 It's a long backstory, but it involves major upheavals and the flow on effect. Shaky housing is hard but it will pass, like your uni stress will, and like it always does.

I loved uni, but not when I was hit with assessments. Hope you find your way up ams out of the pile soon. Glad to hear you're not doing too badly and that you're snuggling in your nest. Leggings, coffee and teddy sound pretty great.

Hope you have a good day 5-HT 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear and all fellow nest-dwellers,

@CheerBear I can imagine how hard it must be to have to put the housing muddle on hold over the holidays. I super hate waiting for anything! I didn't see any of Ice Age 5 last night - I fell asleep as soon as I snuggled into your pocket. Being able to snuggle in there SUPER helps me to feel calm and safe.

Hey...I wanted to tell you something. When I read your post on the thread about splitting, it super struck me that you sounded just like my uni counsellor in the way you described waiting before responding. What you described re. emails was exactly what (K) taught me to do when dealing with my painful supervisor and it is a skill I have managed to remember and use in other situations. It kind-of seemed super nice hearing you sound so much like her. You will be an awesome social worker one day - just like (K).

@Former-Member I think I read that you were struggling with uni assessments at the moment. I found every assessment such a struggle to get through. Have I told you that my 4-year degree took me 12 years because I did one subject per semester for most of it and also deferred an insane number of times. It is really really tough trying to concentrate when your brain just won't co-operate!

@Former-Member and @mudsum I am missing you here in the nest. I hope you are travelling ok.

I will definitely be in your pocket soon tonight @CheerBear. I am going to take the only-in-emegencies medication for the next few nights to help protect my brain from the fallout over (A). It super helped last night. I woke up a few times but the medication meant I was able to lie there calmly instead of being in super panic, drenched in sweat mode.

By the way @CheerBear, I was so self-absorbed in my birthday last week, I think I missed a big adventure that you and your LF had on the same day as my birthday??? I have been wondering if that adventure was related to the bubble puzzle. I'm not sure if it is something you want to share here, but I wanted you to know that I am super happy you were all able to have a super positive adventure.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

What did you study @Phoenix_Rising?
My first 5 year degree took me 10 years! So don't feel like you're the only one!
Stupid brain! But I'm feeling better than I have been. I even crawled out of the nest this afternoon!! And my psych appt seemed to be productive today too.
How was your day?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @Former-Member I studied psychology.

I'm glad you've had a good day and a productive session with your psychologist. My day has been a little average, but that's ok. I tend to dump out my muddle on the thread "Riding a wave."

What are you studying, and what was your first degree in (if you want to share)?

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Nice, I wish I'd done some psychology!
I did a BSc/BA in Archaeology, Anatomy and Pharmacology. I'm now studying Public Health and Infectious diseases.
I pop into your wave thread sometimes. I just get so massively overwhelmed with keeping up with this site, that I don't even get started.
I still don't really get therapy.... but at least we talked about stuff that was meaningful for me.
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