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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Finally home and curled up with my teddy.
I'm not feeling the best atm. I need to hide from the voices. They can't get me in here I hope?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I think you're safe with your teddy @Former-Member, though I can imagine how scary it might feel. You're safe here too on the forum.

Do you have anything else with you that helps you feel safe at the moment?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've got my kitten curled up on my legs, purring away. Teddy and kitten are pretty good at making me feel safe.
Isn't it funny how many of us have issues around feeling safe?
How are you tonight @CheerBear?

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So many of us have issues feeling safe @Former-Member, for heaps of reasons. Kitten and teddy sound great right now. Have you got a blanket too?

I'm feeling a bit down tonight after a hard afternoon with the kids. I have a cat with me and a blanket at the moment too. About to make a cup of tea which always feels good as well.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hello nest-dwellers,

This is a quick fly-by. I have been out changing the world tonight with my extremely challenging once-a-month committee meeting. Changing the world is EXHAUSTING!!!!

@Former-Member It is super nice to see you (and kitty and teddy) here in the nest. Did you get your assignment done the other night?

Hi @Former-Member, it is great to see you drop by here too.

@Zoe7 your description of my not-friendship with @CheerBear made me feel all warm and fuzzy. I am super glad I found such an awesome not-friend.

@CheerBear I feel sad for you and your super sad LF. It must be so horrible seeing them sad and not being able to explain everything to them right now. Your LF are so very very lucky to have such a super awesome mum to help them with their horrible big feelings. Even though big feelings always super suck in the moment, being well-supported through them means that they don't make muddles like they do without support.

Oh that reminds me, @Zoe7 asked me somewhere today whether I now had puddles rather than muddles. Well @Zoe7, I have a muddle and the muddle has made my brain a puddle. So basically I am a muddle-induced-puddle-brained turtle.

Anyway, I'm going to jump off the forums now. I am super busting for my party tomorrow. Only one more sleep for me and HOPEFULLY one sleep for you too @Zoe7.

I hope to see you all at my party tomorrow.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

hahahaha @Phoenix_Rising you made me giggle a few times lol

I do need to let you know that I am going to miss sitting on my rock stack for the first time tonight - but I thought you would understand seeing as I am setting up for your paaaaaaaarrrrrrty

Sleep well little turtle - can't wait for tomorrow (or wil it still be today for me - who knows lol)

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Really quickly before you log off, if you haven't already @Phoenix_Rising. Please don't read a tag from me until the morning now 😄 I want to upload this thing tonight before I sleep so it's here for you in the morning.

So glad we are not-friends 🙂

One more sleep - yay!

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

To my awesome not-friend @Phoenix_Rising

Happy, happy birthday! I'm going to say it even though I've probably said it bazillion times - I do really wish I could be there with you today. I could see us having heaps of fun. If this is the way our oceans have collided though, I am so happy to be here to celebrate with you.

You really are awesome phoenix_rising. You are smart, funny, kind, caring and patient. I've laughed a lot since we 'met'. You've given me so many warm fuzzies and I've appreciated every one. You've encouraged me to keep on keeping on, and to be as me as I can be while I do. You say things in ways that make so much sense, about things that really don't seem to make any sense sometimes. I feel understood and heard by you and I don't feel so crazy or weird anymore. I remember you saying that you want to make a difference. You have made a difference to me. Thank you for being you.

I see absolutely no reason why us being not-friends, in an anonymous online forum, living on opposite sides of the country, should be barriers to me giving you a gift for your birthday (I think I'm going to be a great SW one day 😄 ), so I drew you this. (And then I wrestled with my computer and scanner setting it up so I could scan it. I even kept my cool and didn't throw it, not even once 😛 )

I hope you like it 🙂

Drawing is definitely not my thing, and I don't do detail well, so I 'borrowed' the design off my mate pinterest (just a heads up in case you see a way neater version of it on google one day), because I know you appreciate detail. I have it ready to print and put in a little frame on my desk. It will sit alongside my text books as another reminder of why it is so important that I get back out there on the other side, and be a helpful helping person. You're part of my fight now.

When I find eleventy bajillion dollars in a gutter or under the ground, I plan to head straight for Sydney and find a turtle in one of the city's biggest medical centres (hopefully where she will be working or researching). I'll ask the turtle if she wants to work together building safe healing and holding places all over the country, because what she has to say about it all is so important, valid and right. And really, really fun 🙂

Your very thankful to have met you, not-friend,

CheerBear

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Beautiful picture @CheerBear. Wish I could print it and colour it in.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you @eth 🙂 I've printed a copy to colour in one day.
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