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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I've been unwell for so long @mudsum
Do all the right things and was expecting good results.
Gets very disappointing, but I know that being negative won't get me anywhere.

I managed to bake wholemeal date scones, that's something positive. 😀

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thanks @Mazarita 💜
Lots of salad in Subway and wholemeal roll 😀

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I should stay off the forums when I'm so down.
It doesn't do me or anyone else any good.
Sorry. 💜

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

So hard feeling stuck @Former-Member, especially when you really try to do everything you can to move 😞 That you can't accept that this is your life, is your fight I think Bella. It's still there through all of this for you. I love Subway 😊

@mudsum - all I can think of is the Travelling Pants! I have no idea! LF big meltdowns are super tough.

@Phoenix_Rising - haha that's a great question. There is no way I would have eaten it as a kid either. One of mine is a huge fan of food and has been behind the idea for most of our different foods so they loved it. We're a mostly vegetarian little group, though a couple eat white meat. It's sort of hard to not do vegetables as a vegetarian. Puffer fish has very tricky sensory issues so the smell was enough to warrant a more kid friendly option tonight too. Re the handbags, I have a couple (one practical and one super funky but impractical). I'm definitely not a collector though, same with shoes! I think I like your GP even more than I did before after hearing how seriously she has taken the psychiatrist rejection. I hope you find your energy back soon and in a way that's a feel good kind of energy.

I'm off to bed I think. I've got some episodes to keep me company until I fall asleep, which hopefullt won't be too far away.

Night everyone 😊

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member - if the forum doesn't do you any good when you're feeling down, then I can see why you'd want to stay away. Seeing you around here makes me feel good Bella, even when you're not feeling so good yourself (that's not saying it is a reason to stay, more that worrying about not doing others good is maybe not a neccessary worry). I have a sneaking feeling that there are heaps of others here who'd feel the same way about having you here too.

Bug hugs and tea (cos coffee curfew here and all 😛 ) 🐛🐜🐝🐞🤗🍵💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thankyou @CheerBear 😙💟💕
🌷🌺🌼🌹🌸
🐞🐝🐉
☕🍰

Have a nice day.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good afternoon nesters,

@CheerBear Puffer fish sounds like such a cool LF. I would like to be a vegetarian...except for the eating vegetables bit! I am a total animal nut and I know it is incongruent that I eat meat, especially when I know the animal has had a horrible life. Alas, if I didn't eat meat (especially chicken) I would starve - I'm pretty sure porridge alone doesn't constitute a balanced diet.

I am hanging out here for a little while because I went to post a birthday card on the party thread and discovered that you guys have "closed" the thread until party time. I have a habit of rocking up early for things - I detest being late. Once I turned up to a party that I really really didn't want to be at and the host wasn't there!!! It was only ten minutes before the stated start time. By the start time, the host was there but no-one else. I think there are some weird social rules around how party starting times aren't the same as professional appointment starting times. That hurts my brain.

I am feeling brighter this afternoon. Guess what I did this morning? I went and got a massage. I really don't enjoy it at all - way too much touching! However, I super do like how much it helps my sore back. I have been trying to force myself to get this massage for a few weeks because I know the back pain has been contributing to my low mood. I decided that amongst all my muddle, this is something that I can choose to do, and that I know will help, so I finally got there today and I do feel better for it. Well done me!!!!

Hey @CheerBear, @Zoe7 asked me last night what time I would like my party to be. I'm not sure, and I'm open to the thoughts of you both. The all-you-can-eat place has lunch from 11:30am - 2pm. Thus a morning party would be super cool...but then I realised that 9am here is 7am in other parts of the country. Consequently, I'm thinking of maybe having an afternoon party and then having all-you-can-eat dinner instead of lunch. I don't want to plan anything for AFTER all-you-can-eat because I have a feeling I will be in a sugar coma. So...do you think that is a plan? You can pretty much pick a party time, with the aim that I will head off around 5pm (AEST) to go and eat all I can eat. And then when I come home from eating all I can eat, I will just fall into bed.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising Let's make it a lunchtime party then - that way we know Rockpool, Lunar, Pebbles and NikNik may also be around

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I have appointments on throughout the day on Thursday which is kind of annoying buuuut I have already thought of a way I can still be part of whatever happens @Phoenix_Rising. It's SPP kind of stuff though so I'll run it past @Zoe7 later 😉

Super quick run through the forum at the moment. Guess what I am (not so cleverly for a Sunday afternoon) doing? Assembling bunks. On my own. With a house full of miniature people and cats. I will need a very strong drink if I survive this very not great idea of mine, so you'll probably find me in the beer garden later!

Hope everyone's afternoon is going well 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Good morning everyone.

Feeling a bit off today but I think it's tiredness more than anything. Part of the power to the house went out again last night. It means maybe it wasn't the heater after all (though that was still broken). It definitely triggered me as I instantly jumped to panic thinking of what the owner might say or do (or threaten) if it meant another maintenance call so I'm just leaving it. Maybe it's an appliance, though the only things plugged into that part of the houseare relatively new or in really good condition appliances. Anyway, it screwed with sleep which needs no screwing with at the moment.

How is everyone going?

@Phoenix_Rising - I noticed today has gotten off to a bit of a rough start for you. I made something for you. I planned on giving it to you on Thursday but I'm a bit excited about it so if there's a time between now and then that you think it might be nice or helpful to see, let me know. I'm sort of thinking that this week might be a bit shaky, but we will be here for it with you. I'll be here even when I am not-here this whole week.

That just took me way too long to write. I really shouldn't carry you guys around the supermarket!
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