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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

It's great that you are focussed on the positives with it @CheerBear. One of them for me was not having to be accountable to a partner.

Hope your day goes well.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Morning @CheerBear ..... 🤗💕

I hear you .... WH was working 100 - 120hr weeks .... we had neighbours who didn't know I was married, and school parents who never saw him in the 25 years I had kids at school ..... he was my phantom husband who turned up sometimes at an extended family occasion for an hour or so, then disappeared again. Even the kids didn't know he had been home for a few hours sleep overnight on the nights he didn't work right through .....

I did have someone to make the big decisions with .... over the phone .... lol .... but sill it was lonely, and still is now .... he is absent in a different way .....

It is a real comfort to know that Forum plans exists for us ... ❣️

I hope you have a lovely day to help with your mood. It's raining here ... lots ... so my newly planted herb pots are getting a real soaking. So is WH. He's out jogging in it ..... think I'm gonna drive up the street to the coffee shop this morning .... 😏.... see what other mischief I can get up to while I am out. Maybe a foot massage.

Hi @Mazarita @eth @Former-Member if you're up and about .....

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love the way you give yourself treats like the foot massage @Faith-and-Hope. And I hear you about WH not being present with you for so long.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear,

I am really sorry to hear you are experiencing big feeling-alone feelings. I know how super yuck those feelings are. I am super glad that you found Forum Land and, like me, you can take comfort in knowing there is always someone here (even when they are not here). I super wish you had someone in your real world to help you carry the load though. I know that as awesome as Forum Land is, sometimes we need someone HERE.

You are always welcome to bunker down in the underwater cave that I found. You just need to swim out about a bazillion miles from the coast of Forum Land, hang a right, and then dive.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That's beautiful @Phoenix_Rising .....

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Thank you for sharing your story and experience with me @Faith-and-Hope. I can imagine how hard it would be to do this whole thing with someone who is there but rarely there, or absent in many ways. While I don't have anyone to share decision making with, the good is often that I don't have anyone to share decision making with! I hope you've had a nice day and managed to get up to some mischief 🙂

Thank you @Phoenix_Rising - the cave looks so peaceful and cosy, sort of what I imagined last night. I haven't been beyond the nest yet today so I'm not sure how you're going today, but I hope it's ok.

I've had a pretty ok day and have just been out on an adventure. I met with my mh worker this morning and have shared my ideas for a plan to change part of the world. It's very exciting and promising. It involves meetings and feedback and proposals and research (and maybe some short course study stuff) - all things I'm looking forward to doing. I'll be able to share some of the idea as I go along but today was the start of it. I blurted out a bunch of random scrambled thoughts and over the coming months we'll organise and put them together then put them forward. I think it will be a way of me making peace with some of the (very) not-great things that happened (and still are happening) at that place that's supposed to be a safe place to escape to. And a way of reconnecting with the world beyond here in a professional and social way. It ticks lots of boxes.

Still a heap to do with LF tonight but the day is coming along better than I'd hoped so that's a positive.

Catch up on today's forumland news later on when I have more than 7 minutes 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear needed to cross the rainbow footpath briefly to leave a special delivery...

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

That sounds very exciting @CheerBear .... ❤️

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope 💗 thank you 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

neighbour @CheerBear

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