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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Your not you're 😂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Former-Member 😊 Just bumped into you on the coffee thread 😆

I had a blegh night last night too and felt really yuck this morning. My nightmares are becoming frequent again and as much as I know they're not real and can't hurt me, I'm starting to feel the impact on my energy throughout the day and then at night in sleep being harder to find. They're really nasty trapped, run away, escape type ones 😞 I feel for all of you who have struggled a lot and for a long time with them.

Great to hear you got out for a beach walk 🙂

Hope today is a good one for you lovely person 💗😚💕

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Catch up later @CheerBear 😙💟

Have to rush.
Just remembered I have to pick my girl up early. Ooops! 😂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi everyone. 💜

That's no good re your sleeps, or lack of sleep, I should say. @CheerBear 💕
I'm very familiar with the running way, feeling trapped dreams. It is very draining having them, as they seem so real.

I should have said, hi on here late last night. I thought everyone was asleep, but, not so.

I often used to dream that I was trying to get somewhere, but I would get lost and never find my way. Would wake up exhausted😮😣😨

I potted some plants today. Amazing for me. 😂 Look forward to the flowers growing.
🌸🌼🌹🌻🌺🌷🌞

Went for a big walk again. 🏃

Let's hope we sleep well tonight. 😊

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @CheerBear @Former-Member @oceangirl and all other nest dwellers,

That sucks that you had nightmares @CheerBear. I am blessed in that that is one thing I have never really had issues with. It must be horrendous. I sometimes get bad dreams, but I wouldn't call them nightmares. It must be so draining. Even with all my dramas with (A) that led me to go onto the help-me-sleep medication, I wasn't getting nightmares - I was just not sleeping much and waking up in a panic when I did. I super hope you are able to find a way to get on top of the nightmares @CheerBear. I think EMDR is supposed to be a very effective treatment for nightmares.

I had a really nice day. I am still struggling with feeling dopey on this medication. It was weird last night. As I posted here, I took it ridiculously early and it put me to sleep ridiculously early. But then I woke up around 11:30pm feeling really alert and well rested. I managed more sleep during the night and woke up fine. However, when I was driving home from seeing (A) I felt uncomfortably drowsy, and then this afternoon I totally crashed again. This seems very odd because the point of taking the regular type of this medication rather than the slow-release version was that it has a shorter half-life. Oh well, maybe it is just my brain adjusting to not being flooded with big feelings all the time. It's quite a NICE feeling...just not conducive to actually being productive. I am trying to give myself permission to do nothing for a while, knowing that resting my brain might actually be the most productive thing I can be doing at the moment. I mean, it wasn't like I was being productive prior to going on the medication. Then I was lying in bed trying to stay alive, and now I'm lying in bed sleeping. So...all in all I'm probably doing exactly what my brain needs me to be doing right now.

Anyway, how was everyone else's day? When I have a calm day, I super wish I could share my calmness with everyone else. I super love the calm feeling.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey there @Former-Member - if you're up late or in the wee hours, feel free to tag me because the way I am going, it's likely I'll be up and feeling odd too. Woohoooo with the plants! What type are they? I looooove plants and flowers, and kind of always feel a teeny bit better around them. And yay for the walk too! I hope this is the start of better things ahead for you!

Hello @Phoenix_Rising - I love reading about your calm/good/exciting days. I agree that resting your brain is very productive. Two weeks resting my brain helped a lot and was very productive, considering really all I did was eat, sleep and crochet 😛 Hopefully this drowsy stuff will ease up (how's your cold going?) with time. I know how exhausted I feel when calm happens post mega waves, so maybe it's a bit of that too. Nightmares suck but mostly bother me because of the next day hit to my energy. EMDR scares me a bit, though I haven't properly really researched it, and I am going to have to start looking further than what I've got happening now, as I wind up counselling soon and then I think progress will be slow. Fixing this housing mess might help too.

I'm waiting on some crafty things to arrive so I'm not working much on my project at the moment, but I have started a drawing which is helping me find my calm a bit.

Hope everyone else is going well 🙂

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Not sure what the flowers/plants are called @CheerBear 😂
I was given a heap of cuttings, pretty flowers etc and a maiden fern?????? Not sure 😂
Cuttings seem to survive better than plants I buy, so I give up buying them. Cuttings are great. 😀

🌿🍀🍂🌴🌱🌳🌵🌷🌺🌼🌻🌹🌸

Hi @Phoenix_Rising 👋💟💗

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I love cuttings @Former-Member - there are some beautiful flowers that come from succulent cuttings 🙂 I have some on my window sill that are in a pot with water flowering now, tiny little white flowers 🌼🌼🌼 Looking forward to hearing that they've flowered.

It's getting late enough for me to be taking myself to bed, but I'm feeling blegh about it now. I keep getting annoying flashback kind of visions from my dreams and the later it gets the more they're coming 😕 So frustrating because these are definitely not real things I'm having these visions of (real as in have happened), but I do still have to stop and remind myself of that. The more they happen the more nervous I feel about going to sleep tonight, and I'm stuck being able to understand something and know what's happening, but not having that be enough to actually do anything to change that.

Hope everyone else is/is about to be tucked up sleeping soundly in their bed/nests

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@CheerBear i've been having some sucky dreams too lately. chatting to my therapist today about them. this morning woke up and my neck was in sooo much pain from tossing and turning.
they are definetly so exhausting.

@Former-Member oh i wish i had even the slightest green thumb. i so wish i could make something grow. tired so many times but never seem to get far.well done :}

@Phoenix_Rising how is the sick going? are you getting better.

hugs to all my non-friends.
time for my bed.
i'm stressing becuase i have to go to court this week and so don't feel like getting out of my hoodie and trackies. and feel terribly ugly in the clothes i've chosen. might see if i can find something more lovely tomorow.
oh for wat !!!

nest/bed time

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@mudsum - sucky dreams suck 😞 Court doesn't sound like a particularly great thing to have on your list to do this week either. Have you got any support/people with you through that one? When I've done big scary things lately I've had my phone (like I do everywhere) and remembered that in my phone is a place to crawl and have people around if/when I need, and it's helped me. We can come to court if it helps you too. I hope it goes as well as it can for you.
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