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Something’s not right

I'm in a nest

I'm in a nest

I'm making a nest because I'm not feeling very ok and I would like to have a place to retreat to while I ride it out. Everything is chaotic all around and inside me almost all of the time, and I need some time out from it. If I make a nest here I can carry it in my pocket and know it's there for me.

In this nest it's very cosy. There's lots of soft pillows and blankets. Some are made with bright colours, mostly greens, pinks and yellows, and some are made in much deeper shades of purples. The nest is egg shaped so it can be climbed into it but still be a hiding out place. There's lots of fairy lights strung around the nest. They're different shapes and some are warm yellow, some are cool white and some are multi-coloured. They can be adjusted to vary the amount and type of light inside. There's also music which can sometimes be heard throughout the whole nest and sometimes it's playing from the headphones that are always kept on the pile of cushions. There's a lava lamp as well, and squishy glitter balls to squeeze and roll in hands. There are an endless supply of soft creatures to hold or sit with. There's always flowers in the corner and this morning they are gerberas standing tall and proud, on a little wooden table. Next to the vase is a teapot, colourful and quirky, with a collection of teacups and mugs.

Right now I am sitting in a pile of cushions very still with my knees to my chest, my head on my knees and my arms wrapped around my legs. There's no music at the moment so it is very quiet. Only a couple of strings of lights are turned on and they're twinkling yellow balls, so it's very dark but there's still some light inside. I have a soft blanket around me. It's peaceful in here.

I have to sit here until I can work out what to do next. I'm surrounded by people but I don't remember feeling so alone. I feel scared of making any move right now because I don't know what the right move is, and I don't trust any direction. I'm hoping that if I can hold out like this for just a little bit longer I will know what to do.

Right now I don't want to talk but I don't want to feel so alone either, so I'm asking for someone to please come and sit quietly next to me until I can move from my ball or I am made to move from it. I don't know when that will be, but I know I can't stay like this forever.

5090 replies

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In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum @CheerBear and all other nest dwellers. @mudsum court sounds like a yuck thing to have to deal with this week.

@CheerBear How was your day? Did you need to deal with icky housing issues?

I have spent most of the day asleep. I have decided that the help-me-sleep medication isn't working for me. I think it was initially, but as my brain chemistry has settled down, it has become far more than I need. Oh well, at least it is a good emergency strategy that I can put in my toolkit. I am not going to take it tonight and then once it is out of my system, I might try a tinsy tiny dose. It really does help me sleep super well...but then it keeps me asleep all day!!! It was a bit of an experiment. I super like FINALLY having a GP who I feel comfortable with. I love the sense of not feeling like I have to defend my decisions medication-wise. I super like the feeling of collaborating rather than having an "expert" try to tell me what I need.

@CheerBear can I please sleep in your pocket with Squishy and Mr Seahorse tonight? I was hanging out at topic Tuesday and it was a bit ouchy. Everywhere I turn, the constant message seems to be that "friends and family" are key to dealing with MH issues. It super makes me despair over whether I can really ever get better without that social support. It was also a bit ouchy because the guest dude seemed intent on defending the MH system and downplaying the issues in it. I felt invalidated...but I was very good and didn't say anything. Well done me.

Night @mudsum, night @CheerBear. I am glad we are not-friends {Snuggles into @CheerBear's pocket}.

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hey @Phoenix_Rising - I'll come back and reply properly in the morning but yes please. I'd love the company in my pocket tonight.

Sleep well and goodnight not-friend 🙂

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising.
soooo good to have a gp that your comfortable with it makes a huge difference doesn't it. sooooo much.and sooo gald that my not-friend has found a desint gp.

goodnight nonfriends.

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

ps also totally taking you up on the offer to have you in my pocket when i go to court. @CheerBear and @Phoenix_Rising.
so thankyou

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Phoenix_Rising you still awake are you?

i'm struggling tonight... how r u

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

Hi @mudsum 💕

I'm awake for a bit longer. 👋

What day do you have to go to court?
Sounds very stressful

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

thanks @Former-Member.
its court re ex. thats all i'll say.

just sooo worn out. but cant shut my body down just yet.!!!!!

when i'm stressed i usually spend way tooo much money and eat way too much unhealthy things then i play the guilt game. sitting here tonight looking at what i've done today and feeling horrible.
i know the why i've done it but it doesn't change that i've done it...

In response to: Re: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

@Former-Member thanks for being here tonight. heading off. trying to find soemthing that can be my safe place tonight

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I'm a comfort eater sometimes to @mudsum

I try not to do it too often, as it actually makes me feel worse afterwards. It's not fair.
We need treats to help us feel better but it only does while eating but not after. Grr!

In response to: I'm in a nest

Re: I'm in a nest

I remember that you mentioned you're a teacher @mudsum
Do you work full time?
Any kids?
Hope I'm not asking too many questions. 😮😀
I'm a former child care worker.
Wasn't well while worker there, plus picked up al the bugs, viruses etc while there.
Worked while I had glandular fever and ended up with chronic fatigue and fibromyalgia as well. Oh the joys.
I hope you'll be able to sleep soon. 🌸🌼🌹🌺
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