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Friends, families and carers

Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

  1. Read as much as you can about BPD — knowing about the disorder helps you deal with it.
  2. Understand that BPD behaviors aren’t about you. Try to depersonalize what’s happening.
  3. Collaboration for change. Accept that families can help, can learn effective skills and become therapeutic partners. They can reinforce treatment.
  4. Be realistic. You will not eliminate another person’s borderline behavior, no matter how well you communicate. Only that person can do that. Your goal is simply to communicate in a way that respects you and the personal with borderline personality disorder. Click for more tips on communicating with someone with BPD.
  5. maintaining other sustaining life roles such as friendships, leisure activities and work.
  6. Maintaining good health, emotional and spiritual well-being.
  7. Don’t invalidate their emotions. Everyone experiences emotions, and people with BPD experience them in spades – that is the very nature of emotional dysregulation. When a loved one of a person with BPD invalidates the emotions of someone with BPD, the result is shame and mistrust in expressing their emotions.
  8. If you live with someone who has BPD, join a support group or consider therapy for yourself to help you deal with the issues you face.
  9. Even if you understand BPD behaviors, you need to know your own limits and stick by them — don’t ever allow yourself to be abused.
  10. Realize that sometimes the only thing you can do is leave the relationship when your loved one repeatedly runs over your limits or when your loved one refuses treatment.

Sources:

Sources:

Tips for Friends and Family of Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

Spectrum BPD pamphlet

Helping Someone with Borderline Personality Disorder

48 replies

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In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hi @Rosa - what a great post - lots of great tips and suggestions 🙂 I'm so glad the forums have been helpful!

To ensure as many people as possible see your wonderful posts, be sure to start a new discussion or post in a relevant thread. This one is specifically for BPD tips - but I think your tips also are applicable regardless of diagnosis 🙂 🙂

Thanks again for your wisdom

(ps: I like that you found a purpose for your Christmas fruit cake

In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

See Me? Didnt know you could see me? 🙂 Funny really, I'm chatting to a parrot.

In response to: Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Ha ha ha @Rosa

yes a very Colourful Peachfaced parrot

In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

@Shaz51, I see your colourful parrot, & raise you a rainbow zebracorn! 😉

Hi everyone, still kicking here. . . or being kicked - not quite sure which. LOL One drama after another, as per BPD usual. Hope you're all doing alright.

In response to: Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hello @LustStarrr, @Brodie, @Rosa, @Babooshka1960

See you tonight at Friday Festive Feast xx

In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hi Babooshka1960
Have you been able to get support in Tassie?
Wellways (previously MI fellowship) offer both patient and carer support.
Darcy

In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hi, I really need support at the moment. I don't know how to set boundaries with my partner who has bpd, without making her angry or upset. I really want to be able to resolve conflict however she refuses to talk to me when she's upset or we are having a disagreement. I would appreciate some tips on how to handle conflict in a beneficial way for both of us. Thank you

In response to: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hi Brodie

10 excellent helpful tips for those of us who care and live with BPD. My son has finally moved out and is renting a unit. It took so much persuading and saving on his part, due to out of control gambling during a particularly bad episode...of which there are many. Validating on my part has been the most important aspect of dealing with him. He has completed 30 sessions of DBT and has learnt as much as he feels he can. He knows what he should be doing but the emotions take over when a trigger ocurrs, can be a minor as his hot plates not working in the unit! He thinks it only happens to him and that his life is not worth living. That's when he starts drinking and it goes downhill from there. I cope much better now that he's not at home and can try and support from a distance. We have to take care of our own emotions and well being. Since my journey began 12+ years I have met so many families in the same position. BPD awareness has improved over the past year since he was diagnosed! Keep going to support groups and courses to help us who are their rocks....thanks contributors.

In response to: Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Re: Borderline Personality Disorder tips for family and friends

Hi @Annieabella,

Welcome to the Forums!

Setting boundaries and handling conflict can be so difficult in relationships, and especially when BPD is involved.

Good on you for reaching out for support and tips on the Forums - lots of members here have been in similar situations, and I hope you will connect and share strategies with some of them!

You may want to start a "New Discussion" to tell a bit more of your story and get some more targeted responses. In the meantime, you might find some of our Topic Tuesday discussions useful, such as "Setting Boundaries" and "Managing Relationships".

Once again, welcome @Annieabella, I look forward to 'seeing' more of you around!

Shimmer

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