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I have Failed

katoSenior Contributor04 Apr 2015, 8:32 pm AEDT

I have Failed

I will start this with an apology to all my friends i have here on the forum

I have already failed in trying to stay off the dreaded path, it took a few drinks and then a few more and before i knew it i was out and scored, been on a three day bender and now i am poor, went wild for awhile and felt no pain. How am i so stupid! How am i ever going to get on the right track, the right damn path, if days after my first D and A counselling session i do this??? How do i go to my next session???

I hate what i am

i hate who i am

I Hate ME!

Sorry i don't know what to do, I have another D and A session in a few days followed by a psychiatrist appointment, i don't want to go to either anymore, i don't want to have to admit to them that i failed

I just don't know how to Change

39 replies

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In response to: I have Failed

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor07 Apr 2015, 1:54 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

@peace
You are doing the best you can and that is all any of can ever do..perhaps a 2 week holiday with your ex was not in your best interests..sometimes our anxiety is linked to intuition...
His reaction speaks volumes too as if he knows you well he would most likely understand that now was not the time..
Perhaps down the he track you may meet halfway..in the middle...
It is frustrating..have you taken time off work? Maybe you can still have a holiday but somewhere a lot closer..ask some of your friends or family if they have any spare time and invite them over or go visit them..a day trip or an overnight stay away can really change your perspective...

In response to: I have Failed

katoSenior Contributor07 Apr 2015, 1:58 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

@peace

you are not weak, you are battling so strongly, that we can all see that strength in you. As i am told don't beat yourself up over it, i know you feel horrible right now, but believe me, those who deal with similar stuff to you, we understand how tricky some things can be.

I get worked up over these things also, on Sunday i was meant to go to my sster's with the rest of my family for easter lunch, i was a total no show, with no reason, well i was very tired, but my anxiety got the better of me also.

My parents said my sister's understood, but i still feel like i let them down by not being able to make it. i haven't spoken to them yet, and we have another thing coming up next weekend, that i have to make sure i go to.

Everything i have read from you, to me and others and about yourself, i have never once seen anything that resembles weak or stupid.

Ok so perhaps he is feeling let down by you not being able to make it, however that just means that he had the expectation of it, he hasn't allowed for a change in plans, in time he should understand, it's probably he got himself all worked up also.

as i said before be kind to yourself, you're still dealing with a lot, and also the whole seeing him again would be a trigger for you with the accident, obviously it has bought up some pretty strong emptions to give you such anxiety.

Always here for you

In response to: I have Failed

peaceSenior Contributor07 Apr 2015, 2:47 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

@Alessandra1992 your response helped me get to the tears, little away. Need a release of these feelings, big time . Saddness in itself is overwhelming but worse when one can't cry. I did take time off work. I don't mind I really needed it. I miss him so much. Yeah he isn't so accepting . Oh I do not feel 'good enough '.
Thank you for caring

In response to: I have Failed

peaceSenior Contributor07 Apr 2015, 8:17 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

@kato thank you for caring. I am blessed to be bestowed by your wize words and a deepness that truly astounds me. You speak to my heart and soul and I can hear you clearly. Truly I thank you. Your support is helping me immensely.

In response to: Re: I have Failed

katoSenior Contributor07 Apr 2015, 9:26 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

@peace

Wow, i am lost for words.

It is how i feel about you and everyone else here. Not how i see myself.

Thank you

In response to: I have Failed

SCORPIONSenior Contributor08 Apr 2015, 12:11 am AEST

Re: I have Failed

You have not failed the only failure in life is to not try.

You are trying to get yourself well that is your fight and one we all here have we have good days and bad sometimes getting out of bed and facing the world in anyway is a win. You wil get there and they will understand.

YOU HAVE FAILED NO ONE

Scorpion

In response to: Re: I have Failed

peaceSenior Contributor08 Apr 2015, 8:28 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

Hi @SCORPION I think you are cool. Its like you tell it as it is. I have a lot of respect for you.

Thank's. I know that message you wrote applied to both kato and myself.

We at lest do try and do a damn good job at it..= Sane forum and its people here. I feel new life kicking in me. Anyway Scorpion I appreciate you very much. It is hard out there. I have never experienced such support and understanding in my life. Wow so huge

In response to: I have Failed

hiddeniteSenior Contributor08 Apr 2015, 8:43 pm AEST

Re: I have Failed

Hi Scorpion
I'm really struggling at the moment your words are what I need to remember.
Hope you don't mind me using it to get through another day.
Karen

In response to: Re: I have Failed

SCORPIONSenior Contributor12 Apr 2015, 1:53 am AEST

Re: I have Failed

To everyone out there who have been struggling of late stay safe for one more day . Every time we fall and get up again we have had a win. I am thinking about you all tonight my online family.
Scorpion

In response to: I have Failed

ethSenior Contributor14 Apr 2015, 11:47 am AEST

Re: I have Failed

@kato

Kato looks like you are getting lots of support here. Hope you are starting to feel better. I wanted to particularly address your problem of no longer being able to afford the psychiatrist. If you see the GP and they do a Mental Health Care Plan with you (valid for a year) then they should be able to refer you to a psychiatrist who bulk bills. Hoping this helps you. I have managed to do it and life has been so much better since the psychiatrist got me onto better meds for me.

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