I have Failed

I am Safe

At home with my parents, who don't know because i had the perfect cover story for my whereabouts

I will put a movie on and go to sleep

Thank you to everyone

I will try to remain on the right tangent in future

Hey @kato before you go. I've worked in the D&A field for almost a decade and I'm yet to work with someone who doesn't experience symptoms that fit the MI paradigm.

Obsession, compulsion, deprssion, anxiety, self loathing, disassociation, confusion to name just a few.

Although there are other sites I have not come across one as supportive as this one. If it helps, then stay. Only worry about meeting the criteria if someone else has a concern, until then, don't let yourself trick you into cutting yourself off from your supports.

🙂

You know @kato my friend one of your posts in this thread sounds as if that dunderhead (I am thinking much ruder but I won't break the bad words book) psychiatrist you saw a few times has got inside your head. The one who kept saying: you don't have a MI, you have a problem because you are using drugs and alcohol. You are using alcohol and drugs in trying to self-medicate because you DO have a MI! That is the way the causation goes. So please spare us the "I don't belong here" because self-medicating is not what this forum is about. We all find very different disfunctional ways of coping with the pain we carry. This has been yours.

When we are crippled with pain we need crutches to walk, and we don't learn to walk without the crutch by simply throwing it away and all's good. We need other supports and we need to learn to walk without that crutch, we need lots of OT and exercise. Sometimes we'll fall over. But I just saw you get back up again. And then tell us how you fell. You have lots of courage my friend. Now you need to remember the compassion.

Please my friend take off those boots you are giving yourself such a kicking with. I'm asking you to throw them away. They are not helping, I promise you - they are making this journey much harder and longer. Go barefoot in your compassion for yourself - as you do for others time and again. Please write a post to yourself as if you were writing to someone else here after they had done exactly what you have. Then please read it to yourself over and over. You do deserve compassion.

Hope to walk unaided, and stand tall, does endure...

Take care of you my friend.

Kindest regards,

Kristin

@nigioc

Yeah i had issues getting diagnosed last year, because i was suffering drug induced psychosis, along with bipolar affective disorder, my first psychiatrist was convinced i was just a drug user, so i went and got a second opinion, a few months later, when i had been seeing a psychologist for the interim, second opinion, conclusive bipolar affective disorder, still unclear if 1 or 2 but they were talking possible rapid cycling, the second opinion also came up with possible mood disorder, which needs to be investigated still.

Unfortunately for me having gone on my bender, i didn't take any of my meds, for approximately 4 days, so hopefully haven't screwed that up too much.

I try not to refer too much to my drug stuff on here, but i know it does find it's way into alot of posts, i find that in trying to come to terms with having undergone a psychotic break from reality 7 years ago, which was when i was first diagnosed as Bipolar by a clinacal psychologist who was all sorts of wrong, with her advice in how to deal with me to my wife at the time, and then being on medications up until nearly 3 years ago, when i thought it would be a good idea for me to come off my medications because i felt that i had lost my sense of having any sort of feelings or emotions, which then lead to me running rampant for 2 years unmedicated, and untreated, which then turned into a major drug habit, which as both my psychologist and psychiatrist have informed me i was trying to self medicate in doing so.

Leads me to sometimes, forgetting to stay focused on the reason i am on this forum. To keep myself strong and confident and to learn through asking questions to other forum user's strategies that have helped them with certain parts of what we are going through and ways to cope with the high's and the lows that i go through in finding and getting treatment and finding the path to help me get my little black dog under control.

As always, the support here, even in off tangent topics is amazing, and all of your comments tonight, helped me. I shed many a tear reading them, which in itself was healing.

Thank you everyone

@peace

Hi peace, try not too be so hard on yourself, anxiety is so difficult to overcome sometimes, it can be so debilitating, the feeling of letting him down could possibly just be your own manifestation, and maybe, as i am not too sure of how well you and him get along, but maybe he will understand the circumstances, if you can not be so hard on yourself and explain to him, how excited you were, but then you struggled to overcome that fear, he should understand, i don't think he will use that against you, and he will still talk to you.

be kind to yourself 🙂