Nothing

Thanks @Former-Member. I know I can't say I'm like a snowflake or a time bomb and then spill a big ugly rant and expect anyone to know what to say because that probably seems like a massive minefield right there. I get that and I am sorry if this is minefieldy. I don't think there's much that anyone could say here that I wouldn't take as helpful, unless it was 'get over it' or 'it's not that bad' or 'I don't believe you' but I hope that's not something people here would say.

Things are very tricky, the trickiest they've been for a long time and having somewhere to not have to have that hat on 100% of the time is super helpful, because wearing that hat for everyone else all the time feels a little like suffocation and right now I need to breathe not suffocate.

Today hour by hour. Or minute by minute if I have to. The incorrect information that's lurking around can be worked out and tackled another day. The feeling that I walked into a trap with my MH worker can also be dealt with another day. The whatever the hell damage that is currently happening to my brain and heart and soul can also be worked out another day. This is my psyching myself up to keep it all in a box for when it's safer to open another time.

@CheerBear Does tour phone record? Maybe just for your own peace of mind, if it does you should start recording your exchanges with any of these people. Just to have it. Like if that worker didn't want to put what you requested in his notes, at least you'd have a record of him refusing to and a record of exactly what you asked for. Just for your own self affirmation. So you aren't losing your identity to some pri*ck who is dictating to you what is and isn't on the record.

just a thought.

Good morning @CheerBear. I don't plan to be on the forums too much over the next few days. However, I will keep checking here to see how you are travelling. I hate that "the system" has made your muddle so much more muddled. I don't think getting the thing just to be able to give them the thing is such a wise idea. I think telling them you don't have it and you were just venting when you spoke about it, might be the way to go. Whether they will believe you or not, who can say. But gee, SURELY they must realise we all say things we don't mean at times. Surely! Maybe?

I'm still trying to get my head around the idea that this whole saga is because they think you are risk of suicide...but then they are going to call "sometime" over the weekend. If it wasn't so serious, it would be funny. It sounds like something out of an episode of Yes Minister: Quick, quick, the risk is immenent, we must address it...sometime over the weekend. I really can't see how they could possibly schedule you on this basis. I don't know if anyone else has any experience of a situation like this??? As I've said, mine all happen in a whirlwind with police scheduling me on the spot.

One positive thing that has come out of this is that you've motivated me to try and sit down and draft a letter of complaint regarding my last adventure like the one you are having now - which was in November last year. I haven't got around to it because of all the big feelings this stuff brings up. However, you are reminding me that a letter of complaint is a way that I can find my voice and regain some sense of empowerment.

The last time I was locked up in the psych ward for a couple of days (way back in 2012) I worked super hard at reframing the predicament as "research". While I was in there I wrote down all the examples of dysfunction that I saw in the system. When I got out I wrote a three-page letter of complaint and I was able to cite those specific examples (complete with dates and times). I got a stock-standard response to my letter and at the time I didn't have the energy to follow it up further. However, even though my letter didn't change the world (which was painfully evident from the episode in November), it still felt good writing it. I wonder if it might help reduce the big feelings a tinsy tiny bit if you can frame this as "research" and focus on noticing the dysfunction with the aim of writing about it later, rather than exploding about it in the moment. Remember, in the moment the aim of the game is to simply get out of the muddle - no matter how much smiling and nodding it takes.

I will be thinking of you @CheerBear. Oh and by the way, I super love jigsaw puzzles. They make me feel super calm. However, I only do "real" ones, not the online ones.

Lol @CheerBear that is tooo funny, but what a nice gesture from her! Timing is rather ... well timely 😄 Good sign maybe, that things are going to be ok. 🙂

Good afternoon @CheerBear, @Former-Member, @Spookytookims, @Phoenix_Rising, @Former-Member xx