Nothing

Thank you for sharing @Faith-and-Hope. I can't use it on the tablet 😞 But have downloaded an app instead

Hey @Spookytookims. I don't think (I hope) it wasn't intentional just to play with my head. I think it's just something that they do and experienced it a bit in hospital too. I'm feeling like my body is doing what it should and not staying in overdrive forever. I feel a bit like a fragile snowflake though, or maybe like a ticking time bomb just waiting for someone to touch me. Aside from that I am ok thanks.

Are you ok? You have been quiet tonight

Overstepped the boundaries here or somewhere else @Spookytookims? Your boundaries or forum boundaries? I did quickly catch lil-caterpillar's drawing and meant to reply but couldn't at the time.

Thanks @Spookytookims. I will have a read soon. There was nothing bad about you being there yesterday. You were you and I really like you, I think you're great, I value what you say hugely and you know me and that helped a lot.

I must have been thinking about this a lot last night because I had a lightbulb moment this morning the minute I openend my eyes. I get what might have happened yesterday now. My mh worker latched on to one thing that I said, one particular type of something but there's been a miscommunication, whether it was between me and her or her and triage I don't know, maybe I wasn't making any sense when I spoke to her, I don't know. But it seems like she's passed on info to triage about this something, which I don't have that particular something. The nurse kept going on about this something but after being basically told I was lying to him when I said I had no history of previous attempts despite what his cute little computer was telling him, I got a very strong feeling he wouldn't believe me if I told him that this too was a miscommuncation. So I neither corrected or agreed with it and it caused a whirpool of confusion. When catt team come I know they will ask for this something but I can't give it to them because I don't have it and I don't trust that they will believe me when i tell them that so I am thinking this is a bit like when c-link cancel my payments because thier systems asks for a document that their system then won't let me upload becuase there's a mix up in their system somewhere. I feel like I need to go and get this something today, which I could do before they get here but that is just completely bananas, because that would be unsafe. But maybe by having it and being able to give it to them it will make them feel better and they will walk away from me and leave me alone and I know that is what is most safe for me this weekend. In a way I feel a lot better that I had this realisation, but I also now have danger panic run happening again because it's not going to be ok.

I'm not expecting a reply from anyone at all and am kind of just venting and getting it out so I can make more sense of it all and hope it will help me keep my calm a bit more until the phone call and visit.

Goodmorning @cheebear @Faith-and-Hope @Spookytookims @Former-Member @Former-Member

Sending big hugs to you all

Also, at the end of the call once it was all said and done, I asked that he write in his notes that I very much disagree with his assessment of my risk, that I believe that the stress that it all caused me had done nothing good for me and may have bumped that risk up if anything, and that a referral was definitely not what I wanted or believed to be helpful. And also that as a clear thinking, rational, logical, informed person I was very able to make my own decisions and should be free to do that, and that I felt like I was having my rights to do this taken away from me unfairly. He told me he wasn't going to do that and then I hung up. So I am writing it here, because it's important to me that it is heard.

I'm going to have a shower and take some breaths and make a list of what I can and need to do today and put some washing on. I have house owner coming out today, they wouldn't give me a time so that's another unknown stress, I have to take LF out to their weekly fun thing and have to go to the supermarket. When I get out of the shower I am putting on my everything is totally fine here hat and will wear it for the rest of the day.

Hope you all have a good day

Your most definently being heard @CheerBear
Im not really sure how to respond but i am reading and hearing you
Hope your day is ok too and feel free to just keep venting when you need too

Lots of hugs 💪 ❤