Topic Tuesday // Staying safe while supporting others // April 18, 7pm AEST

@Nevyn134 .... I use something I refer to as "passive-resistance". I remain polite, and carry through with caring actions, but I use these to shield myself .... I withdraw behind a barrier of politeness as if I were a bank clerk dealing with a difficult person whom I need to remain in service to, but I don't have to actually like (as in befriend) or offer anything more than the basic service.

I am in no way suggesting that you should dislike the person you are caring for - it's just a matter of giving yourself permission to retire emotional for a while ... just go through the paces with reserve. I am sure this is a skill perfected by nursing staff at times, along with air hostesses, bank clerks, restaurant maitre de's, and hotel concierges .... and it's okay to apply it to the person we are caring for as a form of self-care .... because we matter as much as they do ....

With regards to responding offline. If you say you're going to do something, do it. There's nothing worse than being let down when you're already in a stressful situation.

@NikNik I find one of the biggest compilications mainly offline is a sense of Obligation.

I'm reading on here a lot of people online, feel that strongly too. It can manifest because we emotionally feel obligated to help someone, even if it's to our own detriment.

@utopia, I relate to what you are saying about how it can be easier to support a new person you know little about, than someone you have got to know and like. In the friendship situation we let down some boundaries and that means we often are more personally affected by what the friend is going through. This is a tricky one for me sometimes on the forum, and also in real life.

Any other offline tips - particularly for those who live with the person they support?

In my situation @NikNik, I like to think about it before I say or suggest something to my husband

Respond in my own time.(ha ha ) hubby smiles now because he knows I am thinking about what he says

I second what @soul said! Only say you'll do what you actually intend to do. I know (and most of us probably) how much being let down hurts and can make things much worse.

Big simple offline boundary is is being able to say no to volunteer tasks. It's tricky when others don't know why and feel like you aren't pulling your weight. I try to keep volunteer tasks limited to the ones that pick me up- so I'm happy to go on the church music roster because playing gives me a boost, but won't put my hand up for garden club secretary.

@Former-Member my honest answer to your question is that I know I'm not the only person in Forum Land. There is ALWAYS someone else available - yay for moderators. I super love the fact that when I'm struggling, if I ask for support I can be certain that SOMEONE will appear.

Okay for the last 20 mins we're going to look at -

Holistic self-care plans.

The following is a frame work that many professionals use, including peer workers, mental health workers, social workers.

As I mentioned earlier, I thought self-care was something I do when I notice I’m not doing so well. I have since learnt that this plan needs to be integrated into my day-to-day life, which has been challenging.

Breaking it down, as it does above, really assisted in developing a well-rounded plan. The idea if that you have 2 strategies in each element. You could already be doing some of the things in your plan (ie: I usually get 7 hours of sleep, so I don’t have to work on that, but I still include it in my self care plan) and you might also add some new ones you want to implement.

I will pause for about 15 mins to allow you all to have a think about it and if you feel comfortable, share what you have included under each heading of your self-care plan.