Topic Tuesday // Staying safe while supporting others // April 18, 7pm AEST

@Smc @utopia I find I want to help others more than myself, but I think that it's actually not for selfless reasons; rather it's me avoiding having to deal with my own issues by focusing on someone else's. Denial.

Note that I'm only talking about my own situation when I say helping others is not for selfless reasons, not talking about anyone else's motivations here.

It's all very serenity prayer....

@NikNik and anyone - it's all about knowing when to act, knowing when to accept and understanding the difference.

@Spookytookims - that's a big ask.

I have a question that I would like some honest answers from. How do you turn off or away when someone is 'drowning' on the forum. Many of us find crisis lines often fail us. How do you work out how to switch off from posts of people in distress?

There has been a lot of tips on how to show support online while maintaining boundaries.

Does anyone have any tips for the offline world?

Some that come to mind for me are:

• Be transparent – most people will understand. Empathize with them and validate what they are going through is tough, but let them know you’re going through some stuff too and suggest a better way to engage for the time being (ie: reconnect in a few days, watch a movie together, distract)

• Assist the person on where to seek help, rather than go into a discussion about the issue itself. This is helpful if you feel obligated to this person. Advising and encouraging them to seek help through specific organisations / professionals will be helpful to them and you.

• Don’t respond to the call / email / post straight away. Respond in your own time.

Any other offline tips - particularly for those who live with the person they support?

@Smc It is most frustrating when they won't or can't even give advice on what to do when you tell them whats going on at home and they just tell you to bring them in if it happens again. Sending my housemate/boyfriend home with little to no support but me. Even after I have told them many times i am at my limit and if he doesn't get more help soon, help will no longer be needed by his own action.

@soul yes it certainly is. Lifelong journey probably.

Smc It is most frustrating when they won't or can't even give advice on what to do when you tell them whats going on at home and they just tell you to bring them in if it happens again. Sending my housemate/boyfriend home with little to no support but me. Even after I have told them many times i am at my limit and if he doesn't get more help soon, help will no longer be needed by his own action.

@Nevyn134, the hard fact is you need some time out, but how? Does the person you're caring for have someone else that you both trust enough that they could come and visit for an hour or two while you go off for a walk or cuppa or simply to get some errands done without always being vigilant? I know from experience that the constant watchfulness is one of the most wearing things.