@Former-Member@patientpatient@Former-Member
So very sorry I haven't been here for you all.
I'm trying the best to look after myself. Therefore I haven't given the laptop a lot attention.
Last year I took my son overseas and surprise suprise, I had been worried about nothing. It all went very well. We only stayed in the one suburb, bike riding back and fro between my mum and dad and my brother. My mum has Parkinsons and it's been such a struggle for my dad specially. He is her full time carer (he's 80 years old!) He deserves a medal and it kills us with his only daughter (me) living so far away and can't be of any assistance. I now have my son to look after, and need to work to provide a roof above our heads, so going back is no option as at my age I'll never find work there....
Anyhow my son was on heavy medication, it had been doubled just before the trip as he had been up all night and slept during the day and this was no condition to travel and enoy it.
Because of this he slept about 15 hours, until late in the morning but as soon as he woke up, we hopped on the bike for a 15 mins trip to see his grandparents who would be waiting for us. Mum also needs the whole morning to get up with help of carer, who helps my mum to have a shower so my dad can make coffee and breakfast for her. So my son enjoyed the trip very much. He even managed to not smoke during the 24 hour flight with stopover! I was so proud of him, carrying his passport during the whole trip without going into a rant about legal name fraud and losing the name etc. etc.
He was not very talkative, just sitting or laying on the couch or sitting outside on the balcony (my parents live 7 storeys high) for his smoke.
My dad knows what it is like to be a carer. He is suggesting for him to live independently, so I can have my life back. He is aware of the many sacrifices you make while caring for a loved one.
I have stopped thinking about the future and told him I am living day by day. My son tells me often, if I'm no longer here, he will also go. He says he'll be 33 when he 'goes'.
This are always big blows for a mother to hear, and I have to start looking again to get some councelling as depression can kick in so easily!
My ex partner wanted to catch up for a coffee. He has had councelling and he was offering further councelling for both of us, he would start a 'course about mental health' to help me with my son and would do anything to start the relationship up again, but live apart. He had missed me and I was still the love of his life and wanted to travel with me again to see 'our' friends overseas.
What it sounded like he wanted to start a 'friends with benefits' relation, and he told me in the end of the catch up, he had been seeing others but had always been thinking of me! I have declined, I am better off without him, it was so very hard to stop and walk out of that relationship, he never cared for my son, so I cannot see how this is going to change, plus the fact I know he has been with others, I couldn't go there again, it would always been on my mind! He shouldn't have told me, it was none of my business, we broke up, so he can do what he want, but he wanted to be honest with me in case I found out. Well there you go, one meeting a year after we broke up, and we both left hurt again, so that's it, no more!
My priorities have changed, my son is number 1. I don't need help of someone who couldn't even bare being in the same room with him, this will also always be on my mind.
They say let the past go, this is what I have to do to move on, and I have been going good in the last year.
I am still working full time, taking care of my son, trying to keep him motivated to live his life without stress, keeping him balanced and happy.
My daughter is getting engaged soon, and we fly over to be with her for 2 weeks.
We return for his psych appointment and meds, then we fly back to see his grandparents, knowing this will be the last time he will see his grandmother as she is in her last stage of this terrible struggle with Parkinsons.
Anyway thank you for reading my update, I only hope you get something out of it, I dont mean to get too personal, but I have always been like an open book, and who cares..... I DO and I know you do too 🙂
xxx
