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What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor03 Mar 2015, 3:17 pm AEDT

What to do with spare time?

Hey,
So due to a few problems at work I have been asked to start taking some time off work. I will now be taking Friday's off each week, because I point blank refused to take 1 or 2 week blocks off.

This is for a few reasons:
1. I hate taking time off, as when I return to work it appears the staff that covers my work does a half-a##ed job, so I have extra work to catch up on.
2. I have literally no social life. I live alone, have no friends, and social anxiety and BPD make it hard for me to go out. Ever. Work is pretty much the only time I'm out of the house with people.
3. Being alone and without anything to do (while on leave) means I am alone with my thoughts far more than is healthy, which inevitably leads to a SH relapse and suicidal thinking.

So I suppose the questions here are, what do people do with time off?? And does anyone have any advice/tips for helping me with my thoughts??
I have an appointment with my psychologist in a few weeks so I'll speak to him too, but I was wondering if anyone has any ideas in the meantime.

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In response to: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor04 Mar 2015, 10:25 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hey Allessandra,
I'm trying to convince myself the time off is a good thing. And I think once I get over this (feeling hurt about how it was handled) I will enjoy it.
They wanted me to take a few weeks off, but I know if I do that bad things will happen. To try and get everyone off my back I said I'd take Fridays off until everything (my annual leave and MI) is under control. This way I hopefully won't be to stressed about people not doing my work properly and feeling left out coz I'm not at work.
My aim this Friday is to buy a pressie for by brothers 21st (he can't seriously be that old already?!l), try and clean my house top to bottom (being depressed means my house looks like a bomb went off), and go for a walk and see what wildlife I can spot. I might try my local library at a later stage, at the moment I only leave the house for work, and the idea of people scares me.
Thanks for the hugs and support. Every time I am on here I am so glad I finally got the courage up to join and pot on here. ❤️

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor04 Mar 2015, 10:33 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

You're not a bother, and you're not a worry..maybe you could write down a couple of questions and review them tomorrow? And when I struggle I pick up the phone and I ring my psychologist and I ask if I can move my appointment earlier and ask to be put on the cancellation list..I have often got soneone else's cancelled appointment within a few days...it really sucks that your supervisor wasn't able to flag her concerns with you prior to going to HR..

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 12:32 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Thanks guys.
I always feel like I'm wasting everyone's time, and that someone more important is missing out as a result. So I don't talk about my problems ever.
So I'm sorry that I keep apologising 😜

I called and I can't get to my psychologist any sooner, I'm already on the waiting list, but people tend tend to not show up, rather than call.

I'm debating going to my GP tonight?? I feel stupid going to him about this sort of thing, but if I had a physical problem I prolly wouldn't feel so stupid.

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 4:54 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

I spoke to my boss today about the whole thing and explained about how I feel about how it was handled and how worried I was about our friendship. We talked it out, I cried, she cried, we hugged. 😛
She was genuinely interested in learning more about my MI's, and wanted to know if there was anything she could do to help me in the workplace.
I feel so much better now, and I am /almost/ looking forward to having a day off each week.
I honestly think I was more concerned about losing her as a friend than anything else.

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

katoSenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 5:36 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

That is some excellent news, that you were able to have that discussion with your boss/friend and that it has worked out well.

Makes having a day per week such a better idea now that you seem to have mapped it out with work etc.

did you end up going and seeing your Dr? or are you going to wait for the psychologist?

Just curious is all,

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 6:00 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Thanks Kato,
I feel so much better. It's unbelievable how much a thing like this can get me so worked up.
I haven't gone to the GP, I'm feeling heaps better mentally, so I'll try and wait till I see my psychologist. I feel awkward going to my GP just to have a chat... He's really good with all this, but I always feel bad seeing the waiting room so full of sick people when I'm just going to see him for a whinge...
HR has written a report that I have to give the psychologist.

In response to: What to do with spare time?

Alessandra1992Senior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 8:28 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hmmm..this situation is not a whinge, it is stressful for anyone to be called by HR about their performance or behaviour in their workplace.. Please don't trivialise your pain, because sometimes if we reach out early..it prevents a massive decline in the long run...if your GP is happy to see you, then see him as he sounds fantastic. I am thrilled that you were able to chat with your supervisor and friend, that's wonderful you were able to speak openly and honestly together..
Please excuse my nagging style..but I just wanted to emphasize that pain and distress is important, whether it is physical or mental it is still always worth reaching out for support when we are distressed..Always.. Mind you, this forum is a pretty fab place to reach out on too..but sometimes a bit of trusted face to face talking is just what is needed..
In the meantime, shopping for a 21st, that sounds like fun! What are you think king of getting your little brother (not so little anymore though 🙂 )

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 8:32 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

The other thing that I forgot to mention about the convo I had with my bossfriend was that I brought up the fact that I was concerned about how my MI was brought up and that I was worried it would affect my job.

She said that it wouldn't, but she wanted to know if there was anything she can do (shuffle my duties etc.) that would help me and my MI. Saying "me and my MI" makes it sound like a misbehaving pet... (I need sleep so I'm cracking myself up over here)

She also said that she hadn't heard of BPD, and was quite eager to know more about it. She asked if I can email her info about my MI's (SA and BPD) so she can learn and have a better idea how to help me, and understand.

I'm kinda pleased, but now I'm trying to find some info. Does anyone have any ideas, other than the SANE factsheets??

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

HobbitSenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 8:42 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Hi @Crazy_Bug_Lady

Just been reading your posts. In the midst of everything, it sounds like you have actually made some good progress, as in connecting on a deeper level with your boss-friend. The fact that she wants to know more about your condition tells me she really wants to help and support you any way she can. Also, the fact that she is willing to look at shuffling your duties around a bit shows this too. It's really very encourgaing!!

Some further info on BDP that you could direct her to can be found on the BDP Foundation website, which I have included for you here. I hope this helps.

I know it's still a journey you have in front of you, but this is a good solid start. It shows that good things can come out of difficult situations, and as so many of us say on these forums now...hope does endure!!

Hobbit.

In response to: Re: What to do with spare time?

Crazy_Bug_LadySenior Contributor05 Mar 2015, 8:45 pm AEDT

Re: What to do with spare time?

Thanks @Alessandra1992

I grew up in a household where you didn't talk about feelings or problems like this because my dad never knew what to do so it was awkward, and my mother would use it against me. Once she realised emotional abuse was far more hurtful than physical that became her favourite pasttime. I have no contact with my mother now for obvious reasons.

So believe me when I saw I have come a long way, I am here talking to you guys, I am open with some workmates and friends about things, and I see a psychologist. So all sorts of talking about feelings and whatnot. 😛

Having spoken to my bossfriend I feel so much better mentally, I am actually feeling happy. If I do go downhill again between now and my psych appointment I will go and see my GP.

The brother-figure said he wants some video game. Depending on how I'm feeling (how much I want to brave the shops) I'll try and find the game. Otherwise I'll get him a voucher and he can find it himself. 😛 And I'll get him something Doctor Who related, he's a massive fan. And I'll get myself something Doctor Who related too, because I'm a grown up. 😄

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