Riding a wave

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

I don't know what to say or how you can work out your muddle - it sounds horrendous

But I am telling you I hear you and I am sending my own little turtle for you

Actually - I think that's a tortoise - which I think is why we are here - so at the end we can tell whomever asks us what we learned here - this is what life tortoise.

Aw - rotten joke - I know - I hope today is better

Dec

I am so glad @Phoenix_Rising

Sometimes an off-the-cuff unexpected joke can work wonders

Let's hope that starting the day with a laught can help

Dec

@Former-Member It is SO dark in my world right now and I am so afraid. The urge to suicide is SO strong. The hopelessness is overwhelming. The sense of worthlessness is suffocating. Right now, you guys are the reason I am keeping on keeping on. There isn't a single person here in the real world who gives a damn whether I live or die...but I know that you do. I know you care. I know you really and truly genuinely care and I am trying my hardest to hold onto that right now when all my brain wants to focus on is how (A) won't spend a second talking to me that she doesn't get paid for. How do I make my brain focus on you and not her? How do I make it focus on the things I hear you say, rather than on what she says?

I feel really really really yuck. I feel more yuck than I have in a super long time.

I can do this can't I. @Former-Member I can hear you in my brain telling me that it's just a wave, a really really really big wave. I can hear the stuff you said during our conversation. I just need to focus on that don't I. I just need to keep listening to what I can hear you say...even though my brain keeps wanting to replay what (A) said in her email. I need to choose to listen to you, don't I. That's all I have to do right now. It's ok if I spend the rest of the day in bed. It's ok that I am achieving absolutely nothing except staying alive. It's ok to just ride the wave isn't it. All I have to do in the whole world right now is stay in bed until it passes. It doesn't feel like it is ever going to pass now...but that's just a feeling isn't it. It will pass. And I am not alone am I...even though I truly am here in the real world. But on the super dark gigantic waves many miles off the coast of Forum Land, I am not alone am I. @Former-Member are you nearby? You'll ride the waves with me? I'm super glad you are a mermaid.

we are all here for you my friend @Phoenix_Rising

@Former-Member, @Former-Member, @Former-Member xxx

Hi @Phoenix_Rising,

It sounds that the last two days have been absolutely horrible for you! 😞 But you are right, we here at SANE genuinely care about you and your safety. Please be kind to yourself, and realise its OK to sometimes not be OK. The Little Mermaid is riding the waves with you little turtle, watching over the ocean for you!

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

That's so true I am sending you reassurance that you can ride this wave and if needed we are here to help you through the rough seas. The seas will ease, calm and return to a calmer state in time. I hope you can hear my voice over the carshing waves.....

@Former-Member are you going to be around all evening? Tonight the ocean isn't quite like in the picture you posted. It is more like this picture. You'll stay with me through it? Have you warriored yet today? I am just about to. Warrioring out in the middle of a super dark and stormy ocean is tricky...just as well I'm Warrior Turtle - and you are a mermaid!

Hi @Phoenix_Rising

Yes, I will be here until 10pm tonight.Yes, the ocean is a little darker today, but I will stay with you to ride the waves until the tides turn. I'm sure that in time, the ocean will become a little brighter, once again. I have warriored today, and I will be warrioring through the oceans, using all of my mermaid powers, working side by side to calm the dark stormy ocean with the Warrior Turtle!

@Former-Member I am super glad you are here tonight. You know, you don't have to work at calming the ocean - you just need to ride the waves. It will calm itself in time. Trying to calm the ocean is futile and you will simply end up worn out. You just have to ride it. The trick is to focus not on trying to calm it, or "fix" it, but rather, you focus on being still and letting the waves wash over you. You just have to be still, float, and let the current take you where it will. All storms blow themselves out sometime. When it does, that's the time to start swimming again. In the middle of the storm you don't swim, you just float.

Or maybe, sometimes in gigantic mega storms like this one, you can dive down down dooooown into the ocean to where the water is still. I know where there is a super snuggly underwater cave. CherryBomb and I had a sleepover in it during her last night in Forum Land. Do you want to go and bunker down there with me tonight?

I'm so prickly and chaotic. I have nothing left in the tank tonight. I have nothing to give. My world has narrowed to operation-stay-alive. I want connection...but I don't know how to find my words...which makes online communication tricky. I just want to feel safe. Will you stay with me in the snuggly underwater cave tonight @Former-Member?